It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....

[ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit]

Does anyone else have this?

DH works FT, I work PT mainly from home, and I look after the children pretty much full time. He is useless in the kitchen and only feeds them if I've sorted it all out beforehand. He does pull his weight in other areas but it's always been a bit of a bone of contention.

What really annoys me though, is when he's not keen on what I feed him. He likes meat and veg with gravy, and isn't big on pasta or rice although he'll eat it. He thinks mince isn't proper meat, and wouldn't think a vegetarian meal was enough for a working man.

Quite often - whether I've made something that hasn't worked out, whether it's something he finds too 'dry' or whether in desperation I've fed him chicken nuggets along with the kids (once!) - he has a tendency to let me know he's not enjoying it. This always makes me cross, in a 'feed yourself then you ungrateful git' sort of way - so now he just sits there with this looong face, and eats very slowly without speaking! It really is the knife and fork of doom!

Tonight he didn't fancy the pasta dish I'd planned so opted for some leftover cottage pie from the fridge (yes - mince....). I did veg and gravy so thought it would be OK, but it turned out there wasn't enough potato! (It's true, most of the mash had been eaten and it was quite meat-heavy).

So we all sat there throughout the meal while he stayed silent, and acted as though he was eating gruel. I could tell what was coming so left them to it and went off - DD told me later that he is sitting watching TV moaning about it all swirling around in his stomach...!

AIBU? Does anyone else get the cutlery of doom?

Streisand?? straight out.

@TheSpottedZebra But he soldiered on and ate it all! Truly, he is valiant and brave.

fucking loooolllll

This needs to go in Classics, seriously I am pissing myself at some of these responses, you wonderful women.

God this thread is making me so grateful for the millionth time that I didn't marry my ex. He would only eat meat and veg. And gravy. But not too much. No vegetarian. Nothing with lumps or bits. Nothing spicy. I didn't mind doing all the cooking as it's my passion but the mental load of asking every day "what do you fancy for tea?" And getting "don't mind" back when HE was the fussy fuck drove me up the wall. When I eventually walked out for unrelated reasons he must have suddenly realised he didn't know how to do fucking anything and got a cleaner and a hello fresh subscription. When I went round to get some things he was still trying not lure me back and asked if I would stay for dinner. He's only gone and cooked a fucking curry for himself. Have you seen someone eat curry while furious? It's not pretty let me tell you. Livid I was.

You would think someone so specific about their meals would cook their own. Why isn't he?

Gawd, can't stand men who claim to be "useless in the kitchen". No, you're not, you just think having a penis exempts you from getting the necessary practice required to become a good cook. As for being a sulky manchild when the resident vagina doesn't cook within your narrow parameters.... I mean, do women actually have sex with these men?!

The way I see it, OP, his latest performance gives you the perfect opt-out for all future meals. Tell him you're sorry he dislikes your cooking so much, but good news, from now on you'll just cook for yourself and the kids and he can make himself something that's more to his taste. Present it as if you're doing him a favour, saving the poor man from the obligation of eating your meals.

And follow through! Each time he whines about having nothing to eat (which he will), just ask why he hasn't made himself something.

Really, OP. He needs to respect what you're doing for him. You didn't become his servant the day you got married. Remind him of that.

Gawd, can't stand men who claim to be "useless in the kitchen". No, you're not, you just think having a penis exempts you from getting the necessary practice required to become a good cook

I've been wondering about this. My exDP was definitely "bad on purpose" man at house stuff so I would do it instead. However current DP is an absolute dote and would do anything for me but definitely can't cook. I think it might be down to his sense of taste... While he eats everything I put in front of him and praises it like mad he doesn't have a very complex palette. If he does cook for himself he makes odd mistakes like adding ingredients in a totally bonkers order or not seasoning anything (as in he'll make an omelette with no salt or pepper). He'll sometimes cheerfully remark about something he's eaten himself that it "wasn't very nice" but it doesn't bother him at all. I think he's got no instincts about cooking because he doesn't really taste the difference if you've taken loads of care or none. I on the other hand adore cooking and experimenting and tweaking recipes here and there. If I had unlimited tolerance of eating his crap food (he made a curry with condensed milk once) and ruining perfectly good ingredients I suppose he might get better but since I love cooking I prefer to do it. He can follow a recipe obviously but the lack of natural instinct means it takes ages and he gets quite stressed. So odd as in other areas of his life like spreadsheets or building cabinets or painting a picture his attention to detail is brilliant.

@PintOfBovril

I made an absolutely atrocious meal tonight. It was so hot with chilli I felt lightheaded. DH (who really does not do hot food) ate the lot: sweating, eyes slightly watering and red in the face. Said thank you that was delicious. Then he washed up. Tell your man-child to get a grip.

That man really loves you!! 🤣

@Hangingover, I always use a recipe, as I don't have a natural flair for cooking. Nothing wrong with that, and at least your DP tries, rather than using "I'm useless in the kitchen" as a cop-out. He sounds like a good'un.

He's a dote. The condensed milk curry was unspeakable though.

What an unpleasant, disrespectful and unappreciative man!
It’s very simple - anyone CAN learn to cook they just choose not to. So if someone cooks for you, appreciate it. Aargh I’m actually raging on your behalf. And that this is how your children think you should be treated.
Choose not to put up with it any more, please.

I don’t know about special food for working men, but they sell it in sacks for working dogs. Maybe you need to offer him some of that?

What a spoilt little prick of a man, sounds like my ex father in law. I made a birthday cake for my sons second birthday, he was enjoying it as was everybody else before I mentioned that it was vegan, the the loudly made a 'blurgh' sound put his plate and fork down slowly with a grimace.

Your husband needs to grow up and learn some manners.

I do most of the cooking and planning meals in our house, mostly as DH has no imagination when it comes to food.
I really enjoy cooking, I have a quite sedintary job at the moment so I actually like being able to be on my feet doing something in the kitchen. If I don't feel like cooking he will cook. It's not expected I'll do it, which is fine by me. (He does about 95% of the washing up, which is definitely fine by me).
I'm vegetarian and the rest of the family aren't so a lot of meals are veggie. He's only ever complained about a meal once, TBF it was awful! He put a fish pie in for him and DD. I stubbornly ate the horrible meal!
I started getting the simply cook spice boxes so he has managed a couple of them.

@fuckoffImcounting unfuckable...that's brilliant!

No, this isn't normal. What a rude manchild.

The way I see it, OP, his latest performance gives you the perfect opt-out for all future meals. Tell him you're sorry he dislikes your cooking so much, but good news, from now on you'll just cook for yourself and the kids and he can make himself something that's more to his taste. Present it as if you're doing him a favour, saving the poor man from the obligation of eating your meals.

Yep.

I know this was meant to be lighthearted op but it's really not ok.
I would be doing a meal plan for the week and showing it to your husband. Any days that don't suit him he can sort himself out.

Why do women put up with this shit? My dh is an amazing cook, I'm not. I would never dream of complaining about anything he cooks. If the arsehole you're unfortunately married to doesn't like your cooking, tell him to cook his own food.

I’m on mat leave atm. DH obviously thinks I have oodles of time on my hand and expects a ‘proper meal’ every night. He complains if we have a particular meal ‘too often’ or I cook something new and I don’t quite pull it off or if (god forbid) I occasionally sling a pizza in the oven as I can be arsed.

All comments are met with - why don’t you cook dinner tomorrow then

The only thing with DH cooking dinner is that he managed to use every single pot, pan and utensils whilst preparing dinner thus creating the kitchen explosion of doom whilst also appearing to be allergic to the dishwasher

Both my parents cook, and cook well.
They went on holiday with family.
The family side cook salads.
Lots of salads and add stuff to it.
My parents took my two children both were under 10 at the time and told the family my two children won't eat the salads.
My children came back and were so amused that Nanny and Granddad lied about food.
Seems the family caved and ended up wanting real food.

My dh likes meat in every meal. I like vegetable based meals. So we compromise. If I cook, it's vegetables (like veg lasagne, veg risotto, etc), if he cooks it's more meaty (spag bol, chicken curry, etc). This has ended up with him doing most of the cooking (to be fair, he's better at cooking than I am). That's fine by me, I'll eat whatever he cooks (except chilli, don't know why), and I do other jobs around the house instead.

I couldn't put up with someone who picked at his food like a toddler. I put up with it from my kids, because they have reasons for it (probable ASD). I wouldn't put up with it from a man who doesn't make any attempt to feed himself if the meal you cook is not to his liking.

I find it sad that you think him being so rude is amusing
I could serve up utter shit to my husband and he would say thank you afterwards - because he has manners, I'd made an effort and he appreciates it
The same would go if he'd cooked

hunger is the best sauce

I'm stealing that! As a child I was a picky eater, and vegetarian, which was a bit limiting. When I was 18 I started doing a very physical job and would get ravenously hungry. Suddenly there were a lot of things that I'd tried as a child and declared inedible that were fucking delicious. Part of it was growing up, part of it was that when you are genuinely hungry, you're not half as picky. I have always remained vegetarian though.

My dad used to do this. I always thought it was awful. Now I am fortunate enough to have most dinners made for me I am always really grateful. As people up thread say, eat it and be grateful.