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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....

166 replies

ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 15/07/2020 20:22

Does anyone else have this?

DH works FT, I work PT mainly from home, and I look after the children pretty much full time. He is useless in the kitchen and only feeds them if I've sorted it all out beforehand. He does pull his weight in other areas but it's always been a bit of a bone of contention.

What really annoys me though, is when he's not keen on what I feed him. He likes meat and veg with gravy, and isn't big on pasta or rice although he'll eat it. He thinks mince isn't proper meat, and wouldn't think a vegetarian meal was enough for a working man.

Quite often - whether I've made something that hasn't worked out, whether it's something he finds too 'dry' or whether in desperation I've fed him chicken nuggets along with the kids (once!) - he has a tendency to let me know he's not enjoying it. This always makes me cross, in a 'feed yourself then you ungrateful git' sort of way - so now he just sits there with this looong face, and eats very slowly without speaking! It really is the knife and fork of doom!

Tonight he didn't fancy the pasta dish I'd planned so opted for some leftover cottage pie from the fridge (yes - mince....Shock). I did veg and gravy so thought it would be OK, but it turned out there wasn't enough potato! (It's true, most of the mash had been eaten and it was quite meat-heavy).

So we all sat there throughout the meal while he stayed silent, and acted as though he was eating gruel. I could tell what was coming so left them to it and went off - DD told me later that he is sitting watching TV moaning about it all swirling around in his stomach...Grin!

AIBU? Does anyone else get the cutlery of doom?

OP posts:
airbags · 15/07/2020 20:49

I wouldn't stand for him complaining to the children behind my back. I'd not cook for him tomorrow and the next night until he apologises. What message does this give your daughter? That it's her job to cook for a man and if it's not up to standard her man has a right to act in a passive aggressive manor?!! Lazy arsed shit - buy him a cook book and tell him the kitchen is closed until he learns some respect and can make at least one meal for the family.

airbags · 15/07/2020 20:51

@fuckoffImcounting

' thereby rendering himself entirely unfuckable'.

YES!!!

Mydogisthebestest · 15/07/2020 20:52

It would be a cold day in hell before I’d cook for him again.

runrabbitrunrunrun · 15/07/2020 20:53

Is your husband a child?

Purpleartichoke · 15/07/2020 20:54

I just stopped cooking for my husband. It made our relationship much better.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 15/07/2020 20:54

So disrespectful as others have said.

I would not be cooking for him.

lockdownalli · 15/07/2020 20:54

Why on earth do you continue to cook for him?

backseatcookers · 15/07/2020 20:54

He is acting like you are his mum and he is seven, thereby rendering himself entirely unfuckable.

I'm stealing this Grin

wildone84 · 15/07/2020 20:55

What a twat. Tell him to make his own dinner.

Fanthorpe · 15/07/2020 20:59

What’s the intention of his behaviour though? That’s what I don’t understand. It’s just so tragic, like he feels sorry for himself.

I’d just scrape it into the bin if anyone did that to me, it’s a waste of shopping, prep and cooking effort. Meals would be an ordeal.

And that idea about ‘meals for a working man’, is he a trawlerman or a miner?

YenniferOfVengeberg · 15/07/2020 20:59

I'd go vegan personally

corythatwas · 15/07/2020 20:59

Can't help wondering- what are these Supermanly jobs that render a man unable to subsist on cottage pie? Surely cottage pie is precisely the kind of food that farm labourers and miners have been eating for centuries?

My dh is an archaeologist and when he was younger used to spend his days hitting things with a pick-axe and shovelling rubble. He just ate ordinary food like the rest of us.

back2good · 15/07/2020 21:01

Tell him whiny man children are unattractive and to grow the fuck up. Grown ups can cook.

What if you were ill or had to go help out a family member for a few weeks? He'd have to step up and cook for everyone. He can. Of course he can. He's choosing not to.

Tell him to just stop being a dick and step up in the kitchen.

Horehound · 15/07/2020 21:03

Oh my god. I couldnt stand a man like that.
My eyes rolled numerous times reading that.

TheCanyon · 15/07/2020 21:03

I think I would purposely make meals he hates, every damn mince recipe I could find. I don't think my dh has ever said in 11 years that he's not liked a meal, he's utterly shite at cooking so I can't say the same, though I usually just pretend I'm not that hungry.

INeedNewShoes · 15/07/2020 21:06

I wouldn't be with a man who behaved like that.

I bet the kitchen table is not the only place where he behaves like an utter twat.

StripeyDeckchair · 15/07/2020 21:06

No one "cannot cook"
People choose not to learn to cook.
Everyone can read a cookery book or find easy recipes online.
Stay simple, buy the ingredients and follow the instructions - it's not rocket science.

What would happen if you weren't there? What sort of example does this set to your DC? Everyone should have a few basic recipes they can cook.
In your shoes I'd do him a favour and make him cook a couple of times a week I'd help with the planning but then absence myself for the cooking, his current behaviour is downright rude.

category12 · 15/07/2020 21:07

I voted YABU because you're being unreasonable to put up with this bollocks.

Ellie56 · 15/07/2020 21:12

Rude disrespectful arse. Stop putting up with his shit and tell him to cook his own. Angry

C8H10N4O2 · 15/07/2020 21:13

Why are you still cooking for this illmannered whiny child?

MitziK · 15/07/2020 21:14

I've done it a couple of times when DP has produced some abomination that is genuinely inedible, as I've wanted to at least try to eat it. But that's because he knows damn well I'm perfectly happy to cook and I'm not enough of an arsehole to say 'this tastes like shit'.

But a perfectly decent cottage pie with gravy and vegetables? That's not trying to be polite about shit cooking, that's turning his nose up at something he's already chosen in preference to the current meal.

I wouldn't be cooking for him at all. He can sort himself out for a while - and I bet your cooking will start becoming more appealing to him soon enough as a result.

RenegadeMrs · 15/07/2020 21:14

My OH eats everything I give him as I do most of the cooking but is definitely on the same page as your DH when it comes to veggie meals.

He'll eat them happily enough but then comment about 10 mins after the meal is done that they are not filling enough for him. Every time!

He does think mince is a proper meat though. Your DH sounds hard work.

PintOfBovril · 15/07/2020 21:15

I made an absolutely atrocious meal tonight. It was so hot with chilli I felt lightheaded. DH (who really does not do hot food) ate the lot: sweating, eyes slightly watering and red in the face. Said thank you that was delicious. Then he washed up.
Tell your man-child to get a grip.

Shizzlestix · 15/07/2020 21:19

Is he from the 1950s? Walks 10 miles to work, needs 5000 calories a day?! Wow, I’d be stopping any cooking for him! Why don’t you tell him to cook? Give him Delia’s How to Cook and say ‘Off you go’. His attitude is disrespectful at best.

Shoxfordian · 15/07/2020 21:20

Stop cooking for him starting tomorrow
Nothing attractive about this shit