To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

[HeIenaDove]

Incredibly proud of my other country

twitter.com/LouiseRawAuthor/status/1283480584501821440?s=20


Dr Louise Raw
@LouiseRawAuthor
In Italy, quality masks were given out FREE at pharmacies or sold for a few pence.
Their Gvt could manage it.
Ours could easily manage it too.

Instead it’s a profiteering free for all.

Many cheaper masks slip down/ don’t fit securely, so won’t work well.

Another clusterf*

[Stellakent]

I've just come back to this thread since early this morning....yikes! Hard to plough through.

I just wanted to say that today I've travelled on trains, tubes and buses. Because of this thread I've been looking carefully at whether people were wearing masks. I saw precisely 2 people in total not wearing masks. A marked change from a couple of weeks ago. I really think that the majority will comply and it will only be those who genuinely can not who won't wear them.

[HeIenaDove]

Legally yes, but morally I think people should do their utmost to not except themselves if possible. Its for the protection of society

Well it was legal for people to continue to go on ski trips/cruises and Cheltenham !!

Where was the moral outrage back then!!!

[patas]

But op if you became ill with COVID and had to be in hospital and have oxygen etc, are you saying that would kill you to have that pressure in your face?
In which case you should be shielding indefinitely.
I'm perfectly healthy (touch wood) and I haven't been to the non food shops or any pubs or restaurants etc.
I socialise outside with my friends - luckily it's summer, we will have to socialise inside later in the year. I'm managing fine.
You are going to have to keep a distance from the rest of us.
I personally think face-coverings are a bit OTT currently- I'm guessing there's a second wave due in autum/winter and the gov won't shut down so much, but at least we will all be accustomed to wearing face masks permanently when near others by then.
I think that as face coverings protect other people, you will get dirty looks when they are compulsory.

[Floatyboat]

It seems strange that posters both want to impress on people the need for understanding towards those that can't wear face coverings but also refuse to explain why face coverings aren't an option. Surely clearly setting out why the alternative face coverings aren't suitable would make people more understanding of the predicament.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@patas

But op if you became ill with COVID and had to be in hospital and have oxygen etc, are you saying that would kill you to have that pressure in your face?
In which case you should be shielding indefinitely.
I'm perfectly healthy (touch wood) and I haven't been to the non food shops or any pubs or restaurants etc.
I socialise outside with my friends - luckily it's summer, we will have to socialise inside later in the year. I'm managing fine.
You are going to have to keep a distance from the rest of us.
I personally think face-coverings are a bit OTT currently- I'm guessing there's a second wave due in autum/winter and the gov won't shut down so much, but at least we will all be accustomed to wearing face masks permanently when near others by then.
I think that as face coverings protect other people, you will get dirty looks when they are compulsory.

If I were in hospital and on oxygen I would assume that I would be given the necessary pain relief to make me comfortable, if I was in the midst of a TN flare.

I do not need to shield - I am higher risk as I have an autoimmune condition, but I'm not vulnerable enough to be in the shielding group.

Of course I'll be keeping away from you, and from everyone else, wherever I'm likely to be or whether I'm somewhere masks are mandatory or not. We should all be doing that - social distancing is still A Thing.

It's unfortunate but I agree that I and millions of others who are exempt will get dirty looks. It's pretty dispiriting actually. It would be lovely if people would give us the benefit of the doubt and keep their judgement to themselves, but sadly I think I'm wishing for the moon on a stick on that one.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@Floatyboat

It seems strange that posters both want to impress on people the need for understanding towards those that can't wear face coverings but also refuse to explain why face coverings aren't an option. Surely clearly setting out why the alternative face coverings aren't suitable would make people more understanding of the predicament.

We have explained, exhaustively and in great detail, throughout this thread.

Why are you wishing to, for example, compound the suffering of rape victims - who have already stated why they can't wear masks - by repeatedly asking them why face coverings aren't an option?

[Stellakent]

Fuckme I won't be giving you dirty looks. It's none of my business. I wish everyone would stop judging others.

[SmileyClare]

StellaKent I agree. As usual Mn isn't representative of real life attitudes. Most will comply and there won't be dramatic confrontations and public demands on those exempt for proof. That isn't happening on public transport.

patas your lack of empathy and critical thought is staggering.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@Stellakent

Fuckme I won't be giving you dirty looks. It's none of my business. I wish everyone would stop judging others.

Thank you. And I will make sure I stay 2m away from you and don't breathe on you in return!

[ContentiousOne]

Re difficulty with mask wearing (not directed at OP)

I have PTSD symptoms from when a family member almost died in ICU. Wearing a mask was a trigger for those symptoms, so during our bushfire season, I avoided a mask at risk to my own health.

I realised it was avoidant behaviour, and began to challenge myself - holding a mask, holding it to my face, wearing it for a minute at a time, then 5 minutes. I also found that I did better with a fabric, non surgical mask. Eventually (now) I can tolerate mask wearing on public transport and in shops without having a panic attack.

So I do understand that there is a small percentage of the population who has good reasons for being avoidant...

But if we care about the health of others, and our own, indirectly, as many of us as possible need to change our behaviours and mask. If OP is like the person who cannot vaccinate, others of us are like the people with a fear of needles - and that's something many of us can overcome.

I have a lung condition. Not asthma. I can manage a mask.

[user1471500037]

I have seen the notices that you can print out - “I have a valid reason for not wearing a mask” I have so many valid reasons, the notice is very apt

[Spikeyball]

"Surely clearly setting out why the alternative face coverings aren't suitable would make people more understanding of the predicament."

Trying to put any sort of face covering on my teenage son would lead to screaming, hurting himself and attacking the person trying to do it.
The only way he could wear a mask is if he was sedated as he has to be for all medical procedures.

[LangClegsInSpace]

In which case you should be shielding indefinitely.

I wonder what you think 'shielding' means?

[LangClegsInSpace]

I realised it was avoidant behaviour, and began to challenge myself - holding a mask, holding it to my face, wearing it for a minute at a time, then 5 minutes. I also found that I did better with a fabric, non surgical mask. Eventually (now) I can tolerate mask wearing on public transport and in shops without having a panic attack.

Why are you putting yourself through so much personal trauma for something that is likely to only make a small additional difference to infection rates on a population level?

I'm a great fan of face coverings, I've been wearing them in shops since late April and I'm now churning out proper 3 layer, well fitted cloth masks for all the extended family, but they are not worth this level of distress.

If most of us wear a cloth face covering in indoor situations where we can't socially distance then it will probably make a small but significant difference. That's all. It's worth doing for everyone who can but it's not worth this.

If the 'new normal' is loads of people painfully and distressingly training themselves to not have a panic attack, just to get milk or get the bus, then you can stick it.

[KitKat2020]

If OP is like the person who cannot vaccinate, others of us are like the people with a fear of needles - and that's something many of us can overcome.
@ContentiousOne that’s a prefect analogy.

[ItsNotJustAboutYou]

"If OP is like the person who cannot vaccinate, others of us are like the people with a fear of needles - and that's something many of us can overcome"

Well, a needle has never held me down with it's hand over my mouth and nose and raped me while I couldn't breathe.

I'm glad for you that you yourself could change your avoidant behaviour but comments such as yours above do not fucking help. I can't stand the "oh well I didn't mean you" coupled with helpful advice and an implication that because you/your friend/your best friend's cousins can wear a mask despite asthma/claustrophobia/lung issues/MH issues, everybody else can and should.

Why cannot people just accept some other people are exempt for good reasons and leave it at that? Is it that you think exemptions shouldn't exist at all? or that you feel some exemptions aren't "good enough"? Or is that because some people won't comply for no good reason, every single person should have to force themselves no matter what their reasons are? There seems to be no other possible reasons for this constant judgement and helpful tips and advice and admonishment and well I don't judge you but some other people will think you're a selfish cunt so be warned...

I suggest whichever of the above reasons you have for posting here that makes you say YABU to the question "AIBU to ask people to show a little more understanding" you take a good hard long look at yourself and if you still think YABU to the question - take it up with the government re exemptions instead of either thoughtlessly or deliberately upsetting people who have been raped/have life threatening lung issues/disabilities etc. Or telling us we have to wear a badge so other people don't think we are selfish cunts.

There are lots of people in the same boat as me and we are real people who the government themselves recognise should be exempt because of difficult, sometimes horrifyingly awful situations which are not our fault. And it's also not our fault some other people just can't be arsed wearing masks. Why are people making us responsible for this?

I'm honestly not trying to sound like a martyr but this thread kept me awake in the night, knowing there are so many people who will be looking at me and judging me for not being able to wear a mask is really upsetting. I said at the beginning of the thread I don't really give a fuck what people think of me but after reading nearly 1000 comments of hearing people think I am selfish/wilfully exposing people/thoughtless/could actually do it if I pushed myself/should stay at home if I can't, I've changed my
mind - I don't actually think I can bring myself to go out and think people are looking at me and they're thinking all these things about me in RL. I was going to get face mask fabric (for my family) later and I've just asked my DS to pick it on the way home from work instead as I don't want to go out now.

And how many more people like me have read this thread and feel guilty and shit and aren't leaving their houses now?

[ContentiousOne]

If that was to me, I have been very clear that some people cannot mask, just as some people cannot vaccinate.

There are people like me who can give it a go, and find themselves able to tolerate it, which is good. Because then those who can't, such as you and the OP, are safer.

The rage at me is misplaced.

[ItsNotJustAboutYou]

"If OP is like the person who cannot vaccinate, others of us are like the people with a fear of needles - and that's something many of us can overcome"

Well, a needle has never held me down with it's hand over my mouth and nose and raped me while I couldn't breathe.

I'm glad for you that you yourself could change your avoidant behaviour but comments such as yours above do not fucking help. I can't stand the "oh well I didn't mean you" coupled with helpful advice and an implication that because you/your friend/your best friend's cousins can wear a mask despite asthma/claustrophobia/lung issues/MH issues, everybody else can and should.

Why cannot people just accept some other people are exempt for good reasons and leave it at that? Is it that you think exemptions shouldn't exist at all? or that you feel some exemptions aren't "good enough"? Or is that because some people won't comply for no good reason, every single person should have to force themselves no matter what their reasons are? There seems to be no other possible reasons for this constant judgement and helpful tips and advice and admonishment and well I don't judge you but some other people will think you're a selfish cunt so be warned...

I suggest whichever of the above reasons you have for posting here that makes you say YABU to the question "AIBU to ask people to show a little more understanding" you take a good hard long look at yourself and if you still think YABU to the question - take it up with the government re exemptions instead of either thoughtlessly or deliberately upsetting people who have been raped/have life threatening lung issues/disabilities etc. Or telling us we have to wear a badge so other people don't think we are selfish cunts.

There are lots of people in the same boat as me and we are real people who the government themselves recognise should be exempt because of difficult, sometimes horrifyingly awful situations which are not our fault. And it's also not our fault some other people just can't be arsed wearing masks. Why are people making us responsible for this?

I'm honestly not trying to sound like a martyr but this thread kept me awake in the night, knowing there are so many people who will be looking at me and judging me for not being able to wear a mask is really upsetting. I said at the beginning of the thread I don't really give a fuck what people think of me but after reading nearly 1000 comments of hearing people think I am selfish/wilfully exposing people/thoughtless/could actually do it if I pushed myself/should stay at home if I can't, I've changed my
mind - I don't actually think I can bring myself to go out and think people are looking at me and they're thinking all these things about me in RL. I was going to get face mask fabric (for my family) later and I've just asked my DS to pick it on the way home from work instead as I don't want to go out now.

And how many more people like me have read this thread and feel guilty and shit and aren't leaving their houses now?

[Floatyboat]

nearly 1000 comments of hearing people think I am selfish/wilfully exposing people/thoughtless/could actually do it if I pushed myself/should stay at home if I can't

That isn't what has happened. Whilst you may not be able to wear any kind of face covering others probably could. I think someone said "millions" of people can't wear them, I'm going to be completely honest and say I'm sceptical of that. Millions of people might struggle in a typical mask but that's different.

[ItsNotJustAboutYou]

@ContentiousOne clearly it wasn't just at you, you're was just the last comment. I'm so sorry that you think my rage is all about you and thank you for making me safer.

Fucking hell. I fucking give up.

[ItsNotJustAboutYou]

Ok I can't actually bear to read any more and it was totally fucking pointless writing that post. I genuinely don't know now why I fucking bothered. Either people don't listen or they just don't care

[ContentiousOne]

You can't wear a mask. Nor can the OP. OK.
Some of us - not you, not the OP - can if we give it a try.
I'm not the problem, you're not the problem, but if enough of us who could but don't, don't, that's a problem.
Again, you are not the problem. OP is not the problem.

[Floatyboat]

@ContentiousOne

Exactly