To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

Here's a challenge for you Hooves. See if you can write an on topic response to the OP - who has the patience of an absolute SAINT - without using the words "me", "I" or "mine".

Bet you can't.

Everybody, just agree to not respond to Hearhooves, she is the samd on every thread she comments on. She won't listen, doesn't appear to want solutions and it just derails a useful discussion. There are still 100 spaces for useful content. Let's make the best of it.

@countrygirl99 agree.

Most people have indeed agreed that it's important to show understanding to those who can't wear masks. It's really poor to take the attitude that everyone who isn't wearing a mask is doing so because they are a bit of an arse.

"Seize the talking pillow"

Saving that one!

I wonder what mask judgers do about children who may or may not look 11 and aren't wearing masks? Would you ask for a birth certificate from the parents? I'm guessing not (as you know you'd look a bit of an officious meddling knob) so why do people think they're entitled to ask for medical details of other adults?

@sockyarn I hope that is the case in real life too. I learned very recently about someone's shocking suffering, triggered by the thought of having to wear a mask. I have known him for well over 40 years and I would never of dreamed his experiences. I will use that as a reminder that we don't know anyone 's story and that it is their absolute right to keep that story private.

I suppose it will depend on whether the parent looks like a frazzled middle aged woman or a 6’5” rugby player.

Bit like who the busybodies will challenge for not wearing masks.

[quote countrygirl99]@sockyarn I hope that is the case in real life too. I learned very recently about someone's shocking suffering, triggered by the thought of having to wear a mask. I have known him for well over 40 years and I would never of dreamed his experiences. I will use that as a reminder that we don't know anyone 's story and that it is their absolute right to keep that story private.[/quote]
Exactly.

Until this thread I hadn’t even thought of the impact it would have on people who had been victims of crimes such as rape to have to wear a mask. The fact that people won’t want to have to explain things like that to strangers is exactly why people need to think twice before challenging someone for their lack of mask.

People should be able to keep their history private and not have to share it to appease nosey strangers

Shame this is from the Victorian era we'd all look pretty stylish walking around with these.

@ItsNotJustAboutYou - over 5s have to wear masks on public transport and in shops in Scotland.

Many parents appear to have interpreted this as "just put any old mask on them, irrespective of whether or not it actually fits".

It's a piece of nonsense though as under 11s are allowed to socialise un distanced with their friends in the park, the government have said back to school no masks, no distancing, but they have to wear a mask in Tesco?

@countrygirl99 and @Sirzy I can't tell you how reassuring it is to read your posts and know that people (and maybe lurkers) might be more aware and understanding of people's reasons just from this thread. And thank you @Fuckinellitsme for starting it.

Of course I've known for years I can't stand hands near, or anything covering, my face or anything that makes me feel I can't breathe but I never thought I would be living in a situation where it was required of me daily and people would judge me for it. It seems so unfair as it's not even "my fault". There is someone to "blame" but it's not me. It makes me so angry that again and again years later I have to be reminded of what happened and every time I leave the house someone will judge me and I'll have to think of it again.

And it's not just me - it's other women too (and on this thread) who are in the same situation. Being judged for not being able to do something due to trauma from one of the most horrific things to happen to you, especially as a child. People judging women who have been raped are so wrong but they can't see it and think only of themselves.

I'm considering starting a thread on this topic but given what has happened here and the responses I have got, particularly when it's so persistent from one person, its really putting me off. I could start it in FWR which I know would be supportive but the whole point is to make as many people aware of it as possible. The thought of what has happened on this thread happening again though...I don't know.

I think there is lots of us out there though.

Hearhooves has been merailing threads since March just like this
Save your energy for posters that actually want help

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras at no point did I insist you have RA. I thought you said you had RA, I missed the post where you corrected me, I once again referenced RA, then saw your second post where you corrected me. I acknowledged your correction and apologised and did so on another 4 or 5 occasions.

Not once did I say, Zebras, you have RA, or say you had it after I saw your correction.

I've apologised and explained myself on numerous occasions, I've apologised for offending you, I'm not sure what else I can do. The exchange is there for all to see.

I'm still sorry if I offended you, I'm still sorry I mistakenly said you had RA, but I shan't be apologising or explaining myself again.

Hearhooves has I believe posted well over a 150 times on this thread
I think it's best to ignore

@countrygirl99

Everybody, just agree to not respond to Hearhooves, she is the samd on every thread she comments on. She won't listen, doesn't appear to want solutions and it just derails a useful discussion. There are still 100 spaces for useful content. Let's make the best of it.

I missed this when I made my last post but yes, I agree!

I might start another thread when this one is full because I think there's a lot of useful stuff here - I've learned about others' conditions for example, things I didn't know before this thread.

Perhaps a thread about the sorts of conditions which count as exempt? So many are pretty rare and perhaps not obvious in terms of exemption.

Agree OP - I've never heard of your particular condition before so it's been very valuable for me.

Until this thread I hadn’t even thought of the impact it would have on people who had been victims of crimes such as rape to have to wear a mask. The fact that people won’t want to have to explain things like that to strangers is exactly why people need to think twice before challenging someone for their lack of mask

It's stuff like this, too, which shows how useful this thread is. I hadn't considered this as an issue, either. Totally commend the bravery it took to share this.

@peachsquish

Shame this is from the Victorian era we'd all look pretty stylish walking around with these.

As a bit of a goth, I NEED this!

Hearhooves you are missing the point of masks. It’s a public health measure ie to keep overall infection rates down. Not that every single person must wear a mask with no exemptions to stop passing it on to any specific individual. Again as said upthread it’s like vaccination. If most people wear them the few that don’t or can’t won’t make much difference.

Of course I've known for years I can't stand hands near, or anything covering, my face or anything that makes me feel I can't breathe but I never thought I would be living in a situation where it was required of me daily and people would judge me for it. It seems so unfair as it's not even "my fault". There is someone to "blame" but it's not me. It makes me so angry that again and again years later I have to be reminded of what happened and every time I leave the house someone will judge me and I'll have to think of it again

This. I haven't had my hair cut professionally in 20 years. Yet there was someone in this thread suggesting we'd all rush out with a mask on for the hairdressers... I wish. Wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry.

I also love the suggestions to desensitise ourselves with no mental health support (maybe on another thread), like it's that easy. I've been relatively lucky, 2 years of trauma focused therapy on the NHS plus I've been under the adult mental health team since dc1's birth where a well meaning male doctor managed to trigger flashbacks whilst stroking my hair...ended up in psychosis because PTSD is basically the "gift" which just keeps on giving. My psychiatrist told me at the start of the year how brilliantly I was doing...now he's reminding me that I'd hate being an inpatient and that my kids need me.

He also suggested "Woman in Progress- the reflective journal for women and girls subjected to abuse and trauma" by Jessica Taylor as an end of lockdown activity. It'sa series of prompts to examine what happened and whilst I haven't started yet, I think it looks good. Certainly chunks resonated with me.

for ItsNotJustAboutYou and everyone else struggling with masks.

@Fuckinellitsme

I said 'some similarities', not 'the same'. We both have rheumatoid arthritis and I assume you're on similar immunosuppressant drugs as me. I think you also said upthread that you take medication to prevent seizures - so so I (Tegretol, for my TN). I have been told I'm at high risk from Covid, but I didn't received a shielding letter (I've avoided going out as much as possible though).

You've been very open about your illnesses on this thread and gone into some detail about them and how they limit and affect your life. Because of your accounts I do have an idea about your life and illnesses.

Yes,you did say I have RA. Quite clearly you say it in this post. We both have rheumatoid arthritis

Please stop saying you didn't say it.

Not once did I say, Zebras, you have RA, or say you had it after I saw your correction

@Fuckinellitsme.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I didn't deny saying that you had it - I did say that, because I mistakenly thought you said you did (as I've said just above, and several other times). I missed the post where you corrected me subsequently (as I've also explained on numerous occasions).

Please, can we use the rest of this thread to get back on topic rather than wasting on this circular argument which has already been explained on so many occasions? Many posters here have said they've found it helpful (as have I), so let's get back to the useful stuff

@SengaStrawberry

Hearhooves you are missing the point of masks. It’s a public health measure ie to keep overall infection rates down. Not that every single person must wear a mask with no exemptions to stop passing it on to any specific individual. Again as said upthread it’s like vaccination. If most people wear them the few that don’t or can’t won’t make much difference.

Yes, but look at who can claim exemption and with no need to prove exemption that's pretty much everyone isn't it?

What's the point? Might as well all not bother.

I get very breathless, I don't think I'll wear one either. Why should I really? I'll be wearing one to keep other people safe, me wearing it won't protect me so I'll save myself the discomfort and feeling of breathlessness. They can stick a probe on my finger to see the low oxygen if they want proof of exemption.

I meant, @Hearhoovesthinkzebras, that I didn't insist you had it after I'd seen your correction. Poorly worded of me, but that's what I meant.

@Fuckinellitsme I think you've apologised more than enough and we should move on. Please don't feel you need to apologise any more as you are not at fault in any way, shape or form.

There is a much wider and more interesting discussion happening rather than having to go back and engage with someone who has no regard for you or anyone else.