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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

999 replies

Fuckinellitsme · 15/07/2020 09:20

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

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Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 18:16

New thread

Hopefully as useful as this one 💐

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Haenow · 16/07/2020 18:18

It’s a shame yet another discussion has been derailed but I think it’s helpful to be open and talk about the mask issue.
Shamefully, I didn’t realise how many people suffer trauma around being strangled/suffocated. Obviously I’m not blind to it but since the connection was made, something clicked. I have so much empathy for these people and I’m distressed at the thought someone might be made to explain their trauma to a stranger. I say this as someone who is in the shielding group, so I’m not low risk of COVID. I understand why some people absolutely cannot wear masks. Flowers

ItsNotJustAboutYou · 16/07/2020 18:20

Thank you.

May I request @Hearhoovesthinkzebras that you start your own thread to discuss yourself and please please do not try and monopolise the new one as you have done here. I for one will not engage with you at all on the new thread as I don't feel you have good intentions. Please let the OP have that thread - once again this is not about you.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 16/07/2020 18:25

@ItsNotJustAboutYou

Thank you.

May I request @Hearhoovesthinkzebras that you start your own thread to discuss yourself and please please do not try and monopolise the new one as you have done here. I for one will not engage with you at all on the new thread as I don't feel you have good intentions. Please let the OP have that thread - once again this is not about you.

Then stop tagging me all of you.

You keep tagging me and slagging me off and then complain when I respond.

Leave me alone.

canigooutyet · 16/07/2020 18:26

Oh can someone answer this. Apologies if it's been answered

On another of these threads, someone mentioned that gov is going to be clarifying who should be exempt for physical/mental health reasons.

Asked on that thread but nothing since and it was yesterday. Is it true? I've searched and just get sent back to the exemption list.

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 16/07/2020 19:02

YABU

Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 19:13

@ToBBQorNotToBBQ Have you RTFT? There are so many heartbreaking and harrowing accounts of why people are exempt.

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Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 19:14

@canigooutyet afaik there's no new information re who is exempt - just what we were told initially. If there is I'd be interested to see it, though.

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LangClegsInSpace · 16/07/2020 19:16

They won't be listing specific conditions, which is wise because everyone is affected differently and also they would be bound to miss some.

The regulations for public transport are here:

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/592/part/2/made

I imagine they will amend these to also cover shops. They say you must wear a face covering unless you have a 'reasonable excuse' and then there is a non-exhaustive list of examples, which is the same as the exemption list on the gov.uk website.

This is similar wording to the lockdown regs - people were only allowed to leave their home if they had a 'reasonable excuse' and the examples in that case were work, shopping for essentials, exercise, medical care, to avoid risk of harm ...

In both sets of regs the list is non-exhaustive - there may be other reasonable excuses that are not on the list.

canigooutyet · 16/07/2020 19:29

@Fuckinellitsme that's what I thought and went googling.

@LangClegsInSpace thank you, yes I have been finding the same.

The new shop guidelines will be in line with public transport for exemptions from reading various news and gov own site.

They need to do a proper campaign now it's getting rolled out more. TFL posters mentioned the exclusions and about positivity towards others or something like this.

But it will probably all change tomorrow after this evening's testing announcement.

Xenia · 16/07/2020 19:55

Yes, I suspect it will be the same as the travel regs - reasonable excuse and one example of that is if it causes you severe distress as it will for many people ergo not compulsory (thankfully) for many.

Floatyboat · 16/07/2020 21:08

Is the answer surely though to find a way of covering your face that you can tolerate rather than not do it all?

A scarf, a shoulder supported face screen, a hat with visor so many options.

My opinion is that vulnerable low paid key workers eg retail staff, transport workers, hospital staff should be able to feel safe. Therefore you should have at least tried all the options before willfully endangering them.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/07/2020 21:13

Is the answer surely though to find a way of covering your face that you can tolerate rather than not do it all?

Don't you think that's already been thought of and discussed? We've had multiple suggestions and articles linked. I'd love to find a solution which works for me and allows me to access shops, public transport and the NHS but so far nothing. Instead I can't even access the sleeping pills that I really need thanks in part to attempting to find a mask I can tolerate.

Floatyboat · 16/07/2020 21:19

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

I don't know you're specific circumstances. It is undoubtedly true that many people who can't wear masks can wear something else. And even if that alternative may be awkward in some settings it may be useful and sensible in other settings.

Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:22

@Floatyboat if the government - who make the rules - say that there are exemptions, then that's all that needs to be said.

As was said upthread, not everyone needs to wear a mask for them to be useful, much in the same way as vaccination.

And for many people there are no options. Don't you think it would be far easier to just wear a mask than have to justify ourselves, face abuse and censure or potentially be expected to explain complex and personal issues with strangers?

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Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:25

@Dinosauratemydaffodils at the moment masks aren't mandatory here and even when they are, if you're exempt you don't have to explain yourself to anyone if you can't wear one. And you shouldn't be denied access to shops either, particularly for medical supplies. It's disgusting that this is a thing any of us have to give even a second thought to, isn't it.

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Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:29

I don't know you're specific circumstances

Precisely, @Floatyboat. So please just accept that when someone says they're exempt, they have reason to do so. Don't question them or offer 'solutions'.

Some posters on this thread have been through terrible traumas and being questioned about their need to be exempt, or the implication they're not trying hard enough, amounts to cruelty.

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Floatyboat · 16/07/2020 21:29

if the government - who make the rules - say that there are exemptions, then that's all that needs to be said.

Legally yes, but morally I think people should do their utmost to not except themselves if possible. Its for the protection of society.

Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:31

@Floatyboat

if the government - who make the rules - say that there are exemptions, then that's all that needs to be said.

Legally yes, but morally I think people should do their utmost to not except themselves if possible. Its for the protection of society.

Morally, people should not question those with debilitating conditions or PTSD as a result of rape about how great their need is to be exempt.
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Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/07/2020 21:32

at the moment masks aren't mandatory here and even when they are, if you're exempt you don't have to explain yourself to anyone if you can't wear one. And you shouldn't be denied access to shops either, particularly for medical supplies. It's disgusting that this is a thing any of us have to give even a second thought to, isn't it.

I'm not in England. Masks are already mandatory here. Yes there are exemptions but my mental health has been pushed pretty much to breaking point by lockdown/masks and I can't cope with the thought of being challenged. The sleeping pills are prescription. I need a mask for both the face to face appointment the Gp is insisting on and the pharmacy. If it wasn't for the doctor, dh would just pick up.

Pixie2015 · 16/07/2020 21:32

I previous worse a loose scarf around face in bad weather to protect against trigeminal neuralgia x

Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:35

@Dinosauratemydaffodils ah, sorry.

It makes me so angry that people can't access medical care because of the fear of confrontation from busybodies who refuse to give those without masks the benefit of the doubt. It's yet another layer of the MH crisis that the pandemic/lockdown has created.

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Heyhih3 · 16/07/2020 21:36

Realistically how many people are describing what you are though? If that’s the case for you it must be really awful. It’s not the case for MOST people who can wear a MASK but would rather not wear one. I honestly don’t mind what some else does but just as they are responsible for their own actions it’s up-to the individual.

HeIenaDove · 16/07/2020 21:36

steven murphy
@steven_murphy53
·
12h
@dublinbusnews
i was on bus GT150 yesterday. Me and my mate where questioned at the door about wearing a face mask, he said to the driver that he couldnt wear one(keeping in mind he has a free travel pass for his disability). The driver wouldnt let him on and made a show of him

Fuckinellitsme · 16/07/2020 21:37

@Pixie2015

I previous worse a loose scarf around face in bad weather to protect against trigeminal neuralgia x
Scarves are helpful to lots of people with TN to protect against breezes/wind/cold as I understand it. Unfortunately when mine is very active I can't tolerate one.

So sorry that you have this horrible disease 💐

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