To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

For someone who chastises posters for being vile holyravioli you seem completely oblivious to your own brand of venom.

Ds has been shielding.

He also can’t wear a mask.

I’m not keeping him away from the outside world for months on end when it’s already having a massive knock on on his mental health.

We are avoiding crowded areas. He knows to social distance. If people don’t like that he isn’t wearing a mask - tough!

@FourTeaFallOut. Watched you all pile on to the op and but those horrifically snide and ill judged comments about rape that Ylva came out with were when I started commenting.

Most people are pragmatic and accept that there are shades of grey and people who can’t comply for many reasons. Not the hardcore shielders of Mumsnet. It’s their way or nothing.

@Sirzy

Ds has been shielding.

He also can’t wear a mask.

I’m not keeping him away from the outside world for months on end when it’s already having a massive knock on on his mental health.

We are avoiding crowded areas. He knows to social distance. If people don’t like that he isn’t wearing a mask - tough!

But that's ok if you can stay away from crowded areas isn't it?

What if you had to take him on a bus say? Would you not be concerned about him catching it?

How about when he goes back to school?

Oh now it's the "hardcore" shielders of Mumsnet - right The othering of those who have been asked to shield because of their extreme vulnerability to the virus has been something to behold.

@damnthatanxiety

OP if as you say TN is triggered by a light breeze, putting make-up on, chewing, touching the face, even my hair brushing on my cheek then perhaps wearing a visor would be wise everyday, always. Surely you can't go out at all if a breeze sets you off.

When my TN is very active, I don't go out much at all.

It’s about balancing risk isn’t it. We don’t need to use public transport ever thankfully.

When he goes back to school in September we have put a plan in place with school to keep him as safe as possible. But at the end of the day he has to go back into the world at some point otherwise the impact on his mental health would be much worse.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

To those suggesting those of us who can't wear masks simply don't go to shops: Some of us have jobs, medical appointments to keep, essential shopping to do, and more. Many of us must use public transport.

Yet ironically, those of us shielding and now being put at risk by people not wearing masks are being told to remain at home, give up.our jobs and claim benefits.

The shielding group (who have been treated appallingly by this government) always knew that their shielding period would be time-limited.
Do we? Since when? Shielding is only being paused on 1st August. Very likely to be reinstated going into autumn. Plus, it's only being lifted if our jobs are Covid secure, we can stay two metres apart and we are told to remain at home as much as possible, so it's not really been lifted, just relaxed and relies on everyone doing their bit to keep rates low.

I'm not telling you to stay at home, give up your job and claim benefits, and I haven't and any point on this thread. I've actually tried to offer solutions (as have many others) while acknowledging how difficult it is for you, and that there is no easy answer so everyone can feel as safe as they'd like to feel. Sadly those of us with health conditions and disabilities have all been handed an extra short straw during this pandemic, and we're all in this mess together with no easy way out.

@LangClegsInSpace Fab post. I agree.

I'm not telling you to stay at home, give up your job and claim benefits, and I haven't and any point on this thread.

People absolutely have said exactly that on this thread.

and we're all in this mess together with no easy way out.

Are we?

It’s about balancing risk isn’t it. We don’t need to use public transport ever thankfully.

Then yes, that's very lucky.

@Ylvamoon. Your posts have all been rightly deleted so you can be as disingenuous as you want now. Case still remains you snidely challenged a rape victim to assess whether her rationale met your standards for not wearing mask wearing. Justify it all you want, it was a disgusting comment which you then repeated.

This is exactly what we don't need having just to an extent put the Brexit/Remain divide between us and Labour and Tories too now the election is over. I had hoped we could all come together as a nation but things like face coverings in shops (when they come in) are dividing us yet again.

@Holyrivolli - As a matter of fact, I don't know who is a victim of any crime and who isn't. I commend, the poster responded, but didn't like my response for whatever reason. Hell broke loose.

In the end, this is an anonymous internet forum, anyone can post / comment.

Zebras. What exactly IS your long- term plan given eradication is unlikely and a vaccine not a guarantee. Will you be clicking your heels together three times and chanting “I wish, I wish...”.

Death is going to come to us all I’m afraid.

I'll just stay locked indoors indefinitely then shall i?

Oh FFS!

Masks make a SMALL difference if enough people wear them, that's all.

Everybody should wear a face covering if they can because it does make a small difference if enough of us do it.

Nobody should become fixated on masks as the One True Answer and nobody should fall for this divisive bullshit.

The only way for us all to be safe, including people who have been shielding and are now expected to go back to work, is to get the infection rate right down and for new outbreaks to be properly and quickly contained so they don't turn into community transmission again.

The way to do that is to find, test and isolate every case, trace and quarantine every contact. We're still not getting these basic things right. Social distancing, masks, hand hygiene etc. are all important too but unless we get these basic things right they're all just busywork that distracts us from asking our government the hard questions.

Why are we still telling people who have the virus to isolate for just 7 days when those with mild or no symptoms are infectious for 8-9 days and those with more severe symptoms for much longer?

Why are we still telling people with symptoms to 'isolate' with the whole rest of their household? Why aren't we at least providing the option for people to move out and avoid infecting the rest of their family or their housemates? 'Most transmission happens within the home' No fucking shit!

Why are we still telling people who live with someone who tests positive that they only have to stay in for 14 days, even if another household member becomes unwell on day 13? Why aren't we giving people the option to move out for the quarantine period and not spend 14 days in close proximity to someone who is definitely infected?

Why aren't we providing any financial support or employment protection for people who are contacted by test and trace and advised to quarantine?

Why are all the 'hostile environment' measures still in place? It's completely no surprise that large outbreaks have occurred in dodgy garment factories where people earn less than min wage and among migrant farm workers. People really need to start joining the dots.

It suits this government very well if we are all squabbling about masks instead of demanding answers to these questions. Not only does it stop them from having to answer the hard questions, it allows them to blame us for any second wave instead of their own terrible mishandling of this pandemic.

In the end, this is an anonymous internet forum, anyone can post / comment

This is true. But there's no need to be wilfully unpleasant.

@LangClegsInSpace excellent post.

I think the issue is that people don’t agree with exemptions. It’s not that they don’t understand your reasons for not wearing a mask. It’s not that they don’t see your lanyard or whatever. They just think exemptions should not be permitted.

[quote Holyrivolli]@Fuckinellitsme. Many of the shielder community on Mumsnet are completely intolerant and utterly self absorbed. It’s like they think the entire world revolves around them. Most reasonable people will do their best in the circumstances and not waste time and effort judging others when they know nothing about the scenarios. As many others have said, there are exceptions to wearing a face mask and you should not be guilted into making your own health worse just because some keyboard warriors think you should not use the acknowledged exception to the rule.[/quote]
Not what Holy says this time.

Of course people who have been shielding are self absorbed. Their entire world has been reduced to just them in complete solitude for months on end.

I applaud anyone who has come through shielding and is still able to be reasonable. How reasonable would you be if the rest of the country was allowed back down the pub but you were still being advised to not share a bed with your spouse or hug your own children?

'Hardcore shielders'? Have you seen how hardcore the shielding guidance is? They didn't write it.

Everyone should just fucking stop it.

masks are mainly to protect the vulnerable. If would would like the protection, then you should wear one too.

@Raimona

I think the issue is that people don’t agree with exemptions. It’s not that they don’t understand your reasons for not wearing a mask. It’s not that they don’t see your lanyard or whatever. They just think exemptions should not be permitted.

Unfortunately I tend to agree.

@LonelyGir1

masks are mainly to protect the vulnerable. If would would like the protection, then you should wear one too.

But what about those who cannot?

I'm incredibly grateful to all those who do. I'm also grateful to those who understand why there are exemptions and that not everyone is able to wear one.

A close friend of mine is shielding (CF). She also can’t wear a mask (medically exempt). The two are not mutually exclusive.
She’s out and about, trying her best to remain 2m from people and trying to live her life as normally as possible.

You’ll need, if no mask, yo social distancing at 2m, and places where that is not possible will be in effect closed to you

?