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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the teen should sleep out on the boat

159 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 15/07/2020 08:23

rather than me?

We have a small old sailing boat which DH has done up, an old kit boat from the 1970s. A project.

It's quite small- for two really to sleep on- but at at a pinch, and with a tent affair another two can sleep out on the back of it. It's pretty unpleasant though, hard, like on a bench, and cold too..

Anyway talk of going away on it for a few days is filling me with dread. I'm mid 40s, perimenopausal, nearly to get my period and back got worse in lockdown. Baths seem to help a bit.

DC are not small anymore- they are 11 and 15. Two boys. DH thinks I am being mean to suggest perhaps the teen could sleep outside so I could have the space inside with the younger one.

I feel it is mainly them who are keen to go, so that is kind of fair? AIBU and mean?

OP posts:
ContessaferJones · 15/07/2020 12:41

Are they all aware that your reluctance is due to period pain and concerns about the toilet? Have you explained this in detail? If so and your DH is still insisting that you go, then he's having a major case of selfishness/empathy failure.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/07/2020 12:49

but my 2 girls would have loved this sort of adventure as much as my boys and would have been heartbroken if their dad went off with the boys leaving them behind with me

But that isn't what is happening or been suggested on here at all. The Ops children both are wanting to go. No child has been told to stay behind.

tilder · 15/07/2020 12:57

Boat toilets are difficult. More so than camping toilets. So I totally get that issue, especially if you have your period at the same time. That needs sorting for everyone to be comfortable.

I camp lots but need certain mattress to be comfortable. Back pain issues.

So I do understand the need for privacy and comfort. If that can be sorted (depends on kit, space and willingness from all involved) would you be happy to go? No point if you won't enjoy it.

Fwiw I don't think MN sees sexism where there is none, but it is good at highlighting every day sexism which so limits all of us. It's so engrained it's part of the wallpaper of life. Not all posts on here are sexist, but a fair few are. Nothing to do with the sex of the children.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 15/07/2020 13:03

No, he would understand about the period. It's the sleeping arrangements too though

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 15/07/2020 13:10

Fuck that. And I speak as someone who regularly sleeps on board boats, camps etc . It sounds thoroughly miserable

JRUIN · 15/07/2020 13:11

But that isn't what is happening or been suggested on here at all. The Ops children both are wanting to go. No child has been told to stay behind.

I realise this, and I'm not talking about OP per se- in fact I have said that I wouldn't want to go anywhere with such an inconsiderate man as her husband. I am talking about all the horrified posters stating that this kind of thing is a boy's holiday. It's not.

JRUIN · 15/07/2020 13:14

(I agree very easy to have sexism seen just due to simple mention of boys / girls)

At least we know your DH isn't sexist, due to him insisting you sleep on the floor Grin

Loquebanter · 15/07/2020 13:17

@Cadent

You have my permission not to go

Mine too Wink

And mine. OP, it sounds horrendous. I used to love camping etc and coped happily with all the privations when I was younger. Now I'm late 40s, perimenopausal and have aching joints. I'd be waving them off with delight.
midnightstar66 · 15/07/2020 13:18

Nobody has said 'it's a boys holiday' apart from in relation to themselves if they would not want to do it and in relation to the specific situation where op has not children. I'm sure the response would be identical if one of the DC were a girl

Mawbagz · 15/07/2020 13:18

Urgh stay at home!!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/07/2020 13:19

It's only a "boys holiday" in so much as the single female is opting out of the trip.

It isn't a "boys holiday" at the exclusion of all females.

Mrsjayy · 15/07/2020 13:53

My dds would have been up for it at that age me however Hmm

Happydinosaur53 · 15/07/2020 16:28

I can see that the snowflakes haven't read the full thread. The only reason we've called it a boys holiday is because the OP is female and her DH and DC are male. Therefore if the OP decided to stay at home then it would be just the males attending boat trip. No one has said that a boat trip is just for boys.

Dozer · 15/07/2020 16:41

He might himself be happy to sleep on the deck, but if he’s considerate should understand that you don’t wish to do so and would find it uncomfortable / painful.

Ask him to reschedule and for the DC to sleep outside. If they’re all still keen to go, that’s good. If they don’t fancy the prospect, that proves your point! And that they were all inconsiderate to put your comfort below their own!

Hopeisnotastrategy · 15/07/2020 16:46

Wild horses would not drag me there, especially on a period. YADNBU.

BindTheWobbinUp · 15/07/2020 17:00

@fflelp

I sleep outside for most of the year anyway so I have lots of tips on how you could make it comfortable and warm

Huh? This sounds interesting, can we have a whole thread on that, @fflelp ?

I probably should start one but I think a lot of people would think I'm crazy and I'd out myself straightaway as my friends and family know about it. I'm the only person I've ever met who does it - out from the middle of March to the end of November.

I really want to know about sleeping outdoors too.
DearTeddyRobinson · 15/07/2020 17:15

Your DH sounds more enlightened than mine OP, all I'd have to do would be to mention the possibility of it being 'that' time of the month and you wouldn't see him for dust Grin.
I think you just say, look love, my back's playing up, I'm due on, it will be really uncomfortable for me. Why don't you take the lads and have a manly weekend of eating sausages and forgetting to brush your teeth, or whatever it is appeals too him. But I would 100% sit this one out.

forrestgreen · 15/07/2020 17:37

Find a b&b nearby

tilder · 15/07/2020 19:48

Calling out casual sexism makes me a snowflake Happydinosaur53? Interesting.

LST · 15/07/2020 19:56

Is it not really really cold off the water? Do you not Bob about all night? We have a little motorhome and we'll be away now every weekend until the weather gets really crap.. but I don't think I could do a boat!

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 15/07/2020 20:02

It's actually much warmer than camping. If it is sheltered in a bay then Ok for the bobbing. It will be much better with the bigger boat

Oh and i said I'm not going, but not to let me stop them. So they might go and I hopefully will get a bit of peace. Lots of nice baths and yoga

OP posts:
Cherrytea · 15/07/2020 20:05

Maybe ive missed some of the thread. I love boats. Go, why not. I love being in the sea. Although, slept in some very small cabins and not on the deck. I would not say no though

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 15/07/2020 20:38

Just stay home!

jessstan2 · 16/07/2020 00:50

@Cherrytea

Maybe ive missed some of the thread. I love boats. Go, why not. I love being in the sea. Although, slept in some very small cabins and not on the deck. I would not say no though
That's you! You are not the op. We're all individuals and she doesn't fancy it. I would hate it.

Quite honestly, I don't know why the op is even considering it given the circumstances. She'd have more fun at home alone.

Tavannach · 16/07/2020 01:06

Good call OP. Enjoy your yoga.

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