Do you track your teenager?

[Coffeesndteav]

I have had my dd on the friend finder app. We live about a mile away from her school so being in the park with friends etc it eases my mind.She is 13 next week.

We have had a temper tantrum tonight saying none of her friends parents do this. I am a stalker. We don't trust her. We care too much

Her attitude is very bad at the moment. Wow teens are hard work.

AIBU to track her on the app?

I think tracking your teenagers (and partner/husband/wife for that ,matter!) incredibly controlling.
I have two teens.
As long as a I know they have a way of getting home eg bus fare and fully charged phone, all's good.
You have to trust them.
I'd have HATED my parents tracking me as a kid if it was a thing - not because of what I was doing (I was incredib;y boring lol) but just the fact it's just so weirdly controlling and obsessive!

We have it on all our phones, I mainly used it pre-COVID when DH used to message me when he was just about to leave the office and just had one more email to send, I would then check about half an hour later to see whether he had actually left so could start dinner, or whether he had been caught up in yet another work issue and hadn't actually left the office. Now all I need to do is check the spare bedroom where he is WFH!

DS(15) doesn't seem bothered we can check is whereabouts, but he also can check ours, so I don't think he sees it as an evasion of privacy. Also is very useful when he/DH go hiking so I can see where they are.

I do want to know more about the poster who tracks her work mates😂

I track DD when she goes with friends to the next city, and I would use it if she stayed out later than usual in the future. She can turn it off if she doesn't want me to know where she is. I find it useful to know she's got on the school bus in the morning. I have an irrational fear of her being kidnapped. She doesn't know that, but she does want me to be happy so doesn't mind being tracked. However, I've no idea what she's doing it the park!. She could be dealing A class drugs, the app doesn't give me that info! Mostly she's in Nando's or Primark though.

ineedaholidaynow Can you really not say to him “hey dinner is at 7, let me know if you are going to be late” and if he is late, he is late.

My finish times can vary. I text h to say I will be late and what to do about dinner. He really really doesn’t need to track me.

Let’s not dress it up as easy for dinner plans.

My teens have google family link on their phone, my older teen so we have data to discuss usage and limits while the 13 year old an overall limit on usage. It has a location function, but we've never set it up. I don't think I'd do so unless I had a reason beyond just being a teen, certain medical conditions come to mind, or live a very different lifestyle.

Half the time they leave their phones at home anyways (as do I, probably more) and beyond one time when my son lost his phone, I've never really thought about the tracking function. I can see it useful for certain lifestyles the parents mentioning needing to pick their kids up or traveling a lot and lose things easily but in general...it seems like false security to me, at least for some of the reasons I'm reading. I can't see it saving the day in the worst happens.

I don't think it's automatically bad to do so, especially if it's both ways as many here have, but it's not bad or a warning sign for her to not like it either. Maybe she's just uncomfortable with it with all the stories of location information being sold and potentially misused or just pushing boundaries as teens do without any particular reason. I think I would have chafed at that as a teen, I was an ass about the tech my father got me back then. I think that first pager lasted a month or so before he gave up on me carrying and responding to it -- and I was exactly where I was meant to be - I just hated feeling like I was at his beck and call while I was already being 'good'.

Thanks all for your replies. I don't know why she cares. She hasn't until this week. I think one of her mates has said something.

She started turning it off when she was in the house. But putting it on to go out. So I think it's a privacy thing rather than up to something.

The lost phone thing isn't a problem as anyone can log into find my from anyone's phone.
I guess me knowing her location doesn't stop any trouble. She would have to call for that.

To be fair once the app was so glitchy it had her on the train tracks at the station instead of in town. Csused myself some stress that probably wasn't needed.

Would I hate being tracked? Not bothered don't go anywhere exciting.

As a teenager probably even though I was fairly easy going.

Better safe than sorry I say. I actually have my DPs little sister(15) on find my iPhone and she has me back. She doesn’t want her mum to track her (she’s a bit nuts) but trusts me to not look at it unless there is something wrong. It means she gets more allowance on where she can go/How long for but also means if she loses her phone then I can find it 😂

@Nicknacky

I do want to know more about the poster who tracks her work mates😂

Haha it's not as bad as it seems! We are a close group as there's not many of us and when we go on days/nights out we can all find each other if we get split up. Also we work an appointment system so if someone is late we can see if they've left or ring them if they haven't. We don't generally track each other on a daily basis. It's just handy if we need to

Even still. It’s creepy to track work mates or friends.

My parents have me and I'm 26.

But I installed it on their phones to keep an eye on them because I'd be the one worrying when they went out! (Tables turned)

Mum occasionally messages me things like "I see you've gone shopping how was it?" Doesn't bother me at all. I feel safe knowing she's looking out for me!

@Nicknacky I certainly don't spend my life tracking him. We find it useful. DH does the same when I have meetings or picking up DS from activities.

Calling it a tracker is not helpful.
However at 13 she shouldn’t be calling the shots. It’s not about trust anyway. It doesn’t stop anyone from doing anything, it is peace of mind. And she can see you as well on find friends,

We all have find my phone for that purpose. We all could track each other, but we don't.

The only time it's ever been used, with agreement, was when my DD with nacolepsy started making very short journeys on her own. More than 5 minutes late to arrive or text and we were all good to check on her location.

I do it mostly for privacy and also partly for making them take self-responsibility. If you are going to be late then it courteous and basic manners to contact the person expecting you to warn them. I don't want them thinking it's ok just because I could check up where they are. Same with my DH

I've also known a few kids just leave their phones in the house of a friend so it looks like are in one place, but they are in another.

I also have all my friends on the app... I don't really use it but occasionally they'll say "can you look out for me I'm meeting someone from tinder" and I do. I wouldn't question someone based on the app data though.

Paedophile on every street

lyralalala That’s a valid point, it is just basic good manners to say you will be late.

@Nicknacky

Even still. It’s creepy to track work mates or friends.

Nobody is forced into it and it's not like we stalk each other. Anyone can opt in or out but it's been quite handy at times.

I do want to know more about the poster who tracks her work mates😂
*
Just no* 🤣

Many teens on Snapchat are broadcasting their location to all their friends all the time. Teens seem pretty accepting of this side effect of apps and smart phones ime. None of DD’s friends baring a couple turn it to ghost mode.

When I was driving my DD to meet a friend in a vague area she used Snapchat to direct me straight to her!

Likewise my DD doesn’t care if I track her and so she can track me. It’s a strange world but useful in emergencies and as long as trust is there too and good open agreement, it can be useful.

My husband is on my find my friends - I’ve used it twice, once he had an accident in the mountains that turned out pretty serious. Another time he lost his phone in a taxi and was with me, we used it to track down the taxi and have it bring his phone to us (paid the driver for the trip obvs).

Ds too young for a phone but when he does I’d want the same arrangements (emergency use only).

Mine are 15-19 and I've never tracked them using their phones I don't think.

I only wished I had once. DD age 16 had to do an 8-hour drive to JFK in a panic to catch an international flight. I would have liked to have been able to keep an eye on where she was.

But then, I've wished I could track DH in similar circumstances.

Other than that I've never felt the need.

Yup. All 4 of them. And DH. Only look when we are meeting up, f one of them thinks they are lost or to check they're on the train.

Never been accused of anything untoward.

I have DS14 on mine, I think DH is on there, too. And I have my Dad, as he was quite unwell a while ago and started to wander off out occasionally. I don't use the app frequently, though, and would be surprised if DH or DS did. DS14 is honest, generally, and seems sensible albeit a little silly. I don't doubt that he'll fuck up as he grows up but so far he's been trustworthy.

DH works in adult social care and often brings home trials of trackers etc; he's currently trialling a system at my Dad's house (my Dad knows, and is well again so would happily tell DH to piddle off if he wasn't happy being tracked) which tells us how often my Dad opens the fridge, enters the downstairs bathroom, boils the kettle etc. My Dad thinks it's hilarious when I text him to tell him he's not had a drink for a couple of hours and tells me to bugger off as he's drinking cold beer instead. As tracking goes, that's next-level madness but I can see why it could be useful.

*I only wished I had once. DD age 16 had to do an 8-hour drive to JFK in a panic to catch an international flight. I would have liked to have been able to keep an eye on where she was.

But then, I've wished I could track DH in similar circumstances.*

Telegram, WhatsApp, signal etc. all allow you to share your location for a period which is perfect for such uses.