Do you track your teenager?

[Coffeesndteav]

I have had my dd on the friend finder app. We live about a mile away from her school so being in the park with friends etc it eases my mind.She is 13 next week.

We have had a temper tantrum tonight saying none of her friends parents do this. I am a stalker. We don't trust her. We care too much

Her attitude is very bad at the moment. Wow teens are hard work.

AIBU to track her on the app?

Absolutely track mine, no question. It is not about trust, it us in case they get abducted or attacked, I will have a chance of finding them.

I think you probably want to get the police involved, they don't need to have a tracker to find the phone - although of course abductors know this and the first thing they do is turn off or throw away the phone of the person they're abducting. If you're really worried about this, you need a tracker somewhere in their clothes that will not be noticed.

We all have each other on "find my". It's useful for lots of reasons including finding lost devices or meeting up in unfamiliar places. We don't use it to routinely track each other but I wouldn't hestitate to check where my teenagers were if I was worried or if I suspected they were up to no good.

Neither of them have ever even questioned it as they can see the value and have nothing to hide.

I don't understand the outrage. Why does she care if she is where she says she is?!

We all have each other on "find my". It's useful for lots of reasons including finding lost devices or meeting up in unfamiliar places. We don't use it to routinely track each other but I wouldn't hestitate to check where my teenagers were if I was worried or if I suspected they were up to no good.

Neither of them have ever even questioned it as they can see the value and have nothing to hide.

I don't understand the outrage. Why does she care if she is where she says she is?!

I've got my kids, oh, db and workmates on it. Kids I usually check to make sure they've got somewhere or on their way back, db for when he visits or I visit him to see if he's nearly here and workmates if we are meeting up or if they're a bit late for work I know they're on their way. They all get to see mine. It's not snooping it's peace of mind

I've got my kids, oh, db and workmates on it. Kids I usually check to make sure they've got somewhere or on their way back, db for when he visits or I visit him to see if he's nearly here and workmates if we are meeting up or if they're a bit late for work I know they're on their way. They all get to see mine. It's not snooping it's peace of mind

NotShiny Child abduction is so incredibly rare that I don’t worry about it. And I can say that with many many years professional experience.

You will not have heard of “cases” (plural).

That's quite random.
Not in the slightest. It's an extremely common justification/defense used by men who control their partners. It doesn't excuse their controlling behaviour, no matter how much they think it does, and it doesn't excuse yours either.

I'm not a man, I'm a woman, and they are children, not adults. As a parent I should have some control, no?

You are meant to be their parent, not their owner. You should be coaching, mentoring and educating them, not controlling them. There is also a difference between "some control" and knowing their every move in real time.

How good would it be if missing children had trackers?!

Now you're using the most extreme, most unlikely and worst case scenario to justify your behaviour. Very, very few children go missing and most of those that do either do so of their own choice or are abducted and in either situation the phone would be discarded at the earliest opportunity.

We had this exact same thread but from the teenager last week, didn't we?

In what world of craziness do people track their workmates?!

"although of course abductors know this and the first thing they do is turn off or throw away the phone of the person they're abducting."
Have you not seen all the films of people shoved in car boots, using their phone to ring for help?

Or maybe it was just the same, I'm second-guessing myself now .

@Feellikedancingyeah

Yea you can track your child. They are a child. With your rules.

cough your child is not a piece of your property cough

Cant see any issue with it. Not speaking regarding teenagers but me and my parter share our locations. Its not because we dont trust eachother but becuase its uesful to know. He goes out on long cycle rides and I can check hes alright from time to time (brother was knocked off many years ago so I tend to worry about him riding. Especially with the standard of driving these days). He can check when im heading home from work and get the dinner on save me having to phone ahead.

I can understand why children might object but sometimes kids dont know whats best for them. Its not about the 99.99% of time that they are okay its about the 0.01% of the time they might not be. Being a good parent involves educating your children and ultimately laying down some rules they might not like. If your child never disagrees with you then imo you are a weak parent.

@NotShiny

"although of course abductors know this and the first thing they do is turn off or throw away the phone of the person they're abducting." Have you not seen all the films of people shoved in car boots, using their phone to ring for help?

Ahaha this made me laugh. Films aren’t reality.

All five of us (me, DH and three DC) have registered our phones on the tracking app. I've never actually had to check it, but I would if I was worried about any of them.

Christ if a workmate of mine wanted to track me, I’d think them deranged!

For those who track their older teens, at what age will you stop? If my parents had been tracking me at 17/18, I’d be switching that phone off and buying a burner.

I’m assuming NotShiny was being funny with her last comment about the boot😂

"Ahaha this made me laugh. Films aren’t reality."

Yeah I think that was said in jest .

I don’t have teenagers (yet) so not exactly qualified to answer. But I certainly don’t see it an invasion of privacy - not for a 12 or 13 year old! It’s a security thing. For the phone and child. I’d you were glued to it every second she was out then maybe you need to let go a bit, but I think I would certainly do it for security point of view. Even if as previous posters have said ‘if they were kidnapped the first thing you would do is dump the phone’ .. well then you’d know quicker that something was up as ‘said phone’ wouldn’t be at school / friends - wherever it was they were going.
For me it would just to check they got to whatever destination they were going to.

"21:53TooTrueToBeGood

That's quite random.
Not in the slightest. It's an extremely common justification/defense used by men who control their partners. It doesn't excuse their controlling behaviour, no matter how much they think it does, and it doesn't excuse yours either."

But it does, I'm their parent, not their partner. I'm supposed to have some control I'm responsible for their safety. You cant compare a parents responsibility with men controlling their wives. That's quite weird and extreme.

"'m not a man, I'm a woman, and they are children, not adults. As a parent I should have some control, no?"

"You are meant to be their parent, not their owner. You should be coaching, mentoring and educating them, not controlling them. There is also a difference between "some control" and knowing their every move in real time."
I never said I was their owner. It's for their safety and its helped massively. And as I've already said, I dont look at it constantly. Who said I'm not coaching and mentoring them? That's quite strange to jump to massive conclusions.

"How good would it be if missing children had trackers?!"

"Now you're using the most extreme, most unlikely and worst case scenario to justify your behaviour"

I dont need to justify having a tracker on my kids, not to you, or anyone. I could presume you have been in that scenario where a man was controlling you, which maybe has caused you to make comparisons like this.

"Very, very few children go missing and most of those that do either do so of their own choice or are abducted and in either situation the phone would be discarded at the earliest opportunity."

I think you would be surprised how many children go missing, there is a paedophile virtually in every street. And yes, I've had safeguarding training, so know stuff a lot of parents dont know.

NotShiny Very rarely are children abducted by paedophiles. Don’t throw the word “safeguarding” out to try and justify paranoia.

And I now a lot that “parents don’t now” too.

There’s no excuse for tracking a teenagers every move, it’s extremely controlling and is completely unnecessary. If anyone wanted to abduct your child (which is incredibly unlikely) they would turn the phone off or throw it away, if you child is lost and doesn’t know where they are they should ask someone or look at street signs like anyone growing up prior to the year 2000 had to do, or they could use an app which tells them exactly where they are and how to get anywhere (including their home) like google maps.

It’s a miracle any of us survived growing up without mobile phones according some of you

Oh and I’ve had extensive safe guarding training as well, hardly any children are abducted by strangers, it’s extremely extremely rare.

Whilst you are paying phone bills and they are underage and living at home it is absolutely okay to track your child’s phone -I have never used the facility yet but absolutely another level of security if needed-and if your child does go missing you have more immediate and up to date location information immediately to hand -but like other posters say don’t misuse this facility.

No, I’ve never tracked any of my 6. Would feel like I was invading their privacy.