Do you track your teenager?

[Coffeesndteav]

I have had my dd on the friend finder app. We live about a mile away from her school so being in the park with friends etc it eases my mind.She is 13 next week.

We have had a temper tantrum tonight saying none of her friends parents do this. I am a stalker. We don't trust her. We care too much

Her attitude is very bad at the moment. Wow teens are hard work.

AIBU to track her on the app?

@Nicknacky

lyralalala That’s a valid point, it is just basic good manners to say you will be late.

My friend's husband is always late and he never warns her or even bothers to tell her because he knows if she's bothered she can just look it up. The lack of manners absolutely enrages me.

A few people I know go down the "I pay for it so I can" line and that's not a line I want to take with them, especially my girls. I'm a SAHM since the youngest was born and it's been important to me that they've seen that DH and I haven't changed our way. It's still joint money, he still does his share of the house and kids stuff. I don't want them thinking that just because one person brings in the cash the other has no autonomy.

@FudgeBrownie2019 I started thinking about tracking my dad while reading this thread. I wouldn't need to know where he is, just if his phone has moved, as I'm most worried about him at home.

I don't think I'd use it for the kids. As a teen I was usually in the place I should be, but doing the thing I shouldn't be!

Many teens on Snapchat are broadcasting their location to all their friends all the time

I’d forgotten about snapchat

Yes I track my kids but the whole family is on it. Really useful for pickups from school bus when they forget to tell me where they are but also eases my anxiety when they are out.

Absolutely yes, she's a nightmare so needs to be tracked!

All of our phones, tablets and Macs have find my iPhone activated as it's a useful feature for misplaced devices, etc so yes I could track 18y dd and Dh. Likewise they could track me.

However, we don't have less the other people know about it.

So for example if one of us is coming home for dinner and the other is cooking we might do so to get an eta to get dinner on the way. DD's used it before to find me and Dh in a town she didn't know her way round much. So for useful reasons, but not just for spying on one another no.

Dd and some of her close friends have each other on Snapchat maos and or find my friends in a similar way.

Tracking an 18 year old?! Why?

I've never tracked my DC as such but whenever they go on a journey, they have always been happy to share their location with me so I know they get there safely and can see when they are heading back home.

That's been the same on trips with school, trips with friends and family and now they drive themselves, they still do it.

Read it again. It's not for tracking purposes but none of us have chosen to turn find my iPhone off therefore we could all technically track one another if we chose too. But we don't unless for a specific reason such as those given.

@Love51 that's exactly it - he got a UTI a year or so back that he couldn't shake and ended up in hospital with it, with them thinking he was showing signs of dementia after he was found wandering a few different times over a couple of weeks. We ended up bringing him here to stay for about a month, but it drove him mad with the DC, the dogs, cats and all the fuss - if I could I'd build him a little annexe here but he's having none of it!

He's fine again now, but I like being able to check in on him if I need to - I haven't needed to on the phone, but as he's a 30 minute drive away it's always nice to have the option.

I have my DD on find my friends at the moment, but only because just as lockdown eased enough for her to go out with her mates there had repeatedly been a group of dodgy guys spotted in the area where we live. She was dying to get out with her mates but was concerned she was going to be kidnapped 🙄😂 so she put herself on my find my friends so I could see where she was

I didn't used to track her before this

I track my DCs but only if late, or need collecting etc. Otherwise I leave then to it. They also do it with me to see when I’m going to be gone / near shop etc. We’re all very open about it & it’s not a threat type of scenario more a safety thing. I often cycle distances, they check my whereabouts and also DH. It works for us.

I would never track her, how untrusting of you ?

@roking

I have my DD on find my friends at the moment, but only because just as lockdown eased enough for her to go out with her mates there had repeatedly been a group of dodgy guys spotted in the area where we live. She was dying to get out with her mates but was concerned she was going to be kidnapped 🙄😂 so she put herself on my find my friends so I could see where she was

I didn't used to track her before this

Just to add, the guys we're scoping out houses to rob. Not kidnapping kids. She was never in any danger. She was just being a drama queen

Thinking about it technically I could also track all of the iPads linked to my school - and this includes the ones allocated to teachers, even when they've taken them home.

But just like with Dh and dd it's not what I do even though i technically could. It's on them for security reasons. It's called FIND my IPhone - it's used almost entirely for that purpose by us. Misplaced phones in the house or car are a common feature here!

And before anyone complains that I could track the teachers at my school - they all know the feature is in and why. They can choose not to take their school iPad home if it bothered them.

I do but more for practical reasons than to check up on her.

She's pretty ditsy and it's useful to know if she's remembered to go somewhere etc while I'm at work.

Mum is also on mine but again, not to stalk. They can see where I am too. I don't have a problem with it!

One of the first things I do when I get a new phone is turn off my location.

I feel like it’s setting up children to feel like they aren’t trusted and suffocated as a result, which might result in them pulling away as they get older because they’ve never really had that freedom before - and possibly going a bit wild because it’s so new to have their own agency.

I think it’s completely reasonable to have check ins and curfews, but tracking is next level.

dalrympy What do you mean by remembering to go somewhere?

Yes. Means I don't have to text to check he has actually got the bus.
That said he isn't doing anything atm.

I find this tracking people business weird and controlling and that’s if it’s your DH or your 13 year old.
Put yourself I. Her shoes - how would you have felt with your mother ‘tracking’ you at that age

oranges Oh but the person being tracked never seems to mind and it’s fine, as they can track back if they want to!

I'm not sure "tracking" is the right word for what I do and it's certainly not stalking! I have the "find my iphone" and all our phones are on it, mine included. I certainly don't sit watching their every move. It's more there for emergencies or sometimes I have a look to see who's nearly home to see how many cups of tea to make. I don't see it as intrusive. DS probably doesn't bother but DD sometimes looks to see if I've left work yet etc

Problem is by tracking her you are damaging the relationship with her. Part of raising teenagers is to let go a little and trust, let them make some mistakes.

She must be mortified poor girl.