Do you track your teenager?

[Coffeesndteav]

I have had my dd on the friend finder app. We live about a mile away from her school so being in the park with friends etc it eases my mind.She is 13 next week.

We have had a temper tantrum tonight saying none of her friends parents do this. I am a stalker. We don't trust her. We care too much

Her attitude is very bad at the moment. Wow teens are hard work.

AIBU to track her on the app?

It's not them I dont trust, its everyone else.

Ds also has Sen & has in the past tried to run away from home. He’s vulnerable. Of course I track him.

NotShiny Like who?

No. If you can't trust them they shouldn't be out.

SIL does for both of hers who have a condition that could be a serious issue though.

We haven't done this with my 12 year old, but he doesn't really go out on his own - only really to friends in the village before lockdown but he's always been back before the time we asked him to get home.

@NotShiny

It's not them I dont trust, its everyone else.

Nah - I don’t trust him! He has been known to trot off after school with his mates to the other side of London and ‘forget’ to tell us until we get a call ‘mummmm, can you come and pick me up?’ about an house drive away.

We all have find your phone app and as part of a family we all can see everyone locations...my daughter is 17 she’s never complained about it? It’s just normal - never really thought about being an issue before? Honestly has a family no one ever complained about it being on! Usually helpful like tonight I couldn’t find my phone she used hers to ping it?

No, I haven’t done that for any of mine. I have four, oldest is 18.
My youngest is just 13 and Just started to go out with friends. I’ve always emphasised that I trust them until I can’t anymore - then they’d have to work to earn that trust back. If it came to it, I absolutely would track them if the trust broke down.
It’s a two-way street though. They have to trust that I will pick them or any of their friends up without question if they need me to. I’m sure they will get into some tricky predicaments, just as I did. I hate the thought of it all the same.

@NotShiny

It's not them I dont trust, its everyone else.

Says every man that controls what his wife/girlfriend is allowed to wear, who she can socialise with and where she can go without him. This is nothing to do with their safety and there are very few likely scenarios where you knowing their exact location would prevent them coming to harm if that was going to happen. It's all about your anxiety and controlling tendencies.

Also tracker is useful for ‘pick me up’ ‘where are you?’ ‘I dunno...’

@NotShiny

It's not them I dont trust, its everyone else.

IMO they have their phones so that they can communicate and get help in dangerous situations - tracking where they are is overstepping the boundaries.

Absolutely track mine, no question. It is not about trust, it us in case they get abducted or attacked, I will have a chance of finding them. Who wouldn’t want to do this?

@Whatnametomorrow10

We all have find your phone app and as part of a family we all can see everyone locations...my daughter is 17 she’s never complained about it? It’s just normal - never really thought about being an issue before? Honestly has a family no one ever complained about it being on! Usually helpful like tonight I couldn’t find my phone she used hers to ping it?

No, we'd just ring the number

Abducted😂😂😂

Interesting that so many people on here seem to think that trusting your child and tracking their phone are mutually exclusive events.

Just because you have the ability to see their every movement does not mean that you are doing so. However if they are late home and have not contacted then having the ability to check there whereabouts is worth having. Its like an insurance policy in that you dont buy it because you want to use it, but its well worth having in an emergency situation.

"Says every man that controls what his wife/girlfriend is allowed to wear, who she can socialise with and where she can go without him. This is nothing to do with their safety and there are very few likely scenarios where you knowing their exact location would prevent them coming to harm if that was going to happen. It's all about your anxiety and controlling tendencies."
That's quite random. I'm not a man, I'm a woman, and they are children, not adults. As a parent I should have some control, no? That lessons as they get older. Technology allows us to check they are ok, and they can equally track me. Of course them being tracked wont stop something happening to them, but it means I can get to them, when it does. How good would it be if missing children had trackers?!

I'd be inclined to remind her who pays for and provides the phone

I've never understood this attitude, any money is "family money" if it's between partners, but it's completely fine to control kids by denying them money, or dictating how they spend it.

Yes I do with my 13 year old's consent. I pay for the phone and having tracking on it was part of the deal for me

That's not consent, you can choose to force your kid to be tracked if you want to, but do not pretend that it's consent, the self delusion of that statement is probably even more depressing than the fact you track.

Permanently being under a judging gaze is really harmful - hopefully, and likely, many kids will not feel judged or surveilled simply because a parent could track their phone, but others will. Never being free of the judging gaze of a others to cause shame even when the thing is completely innocent - a 7 year old may well hide the fact their watching peppa pig 'cos they thing others will judge their little young indulgence. By the time you're older they'll often feel shame about even more things they really shouldn't - and possibly even some they should as they explore their boundaries.

Yes I do. I only track her if she's late home and I can then see she's making her way home.

She can also track me and does on occasions to see when I'm picking her up.

I think it's something that all parents should use but not abuse.

I’m sorry @NotShiny but you do realise one of the first things a kidnapper would do is dispose of the phone anyway? Tracker not much use in that scenario....

"We just ring the number"

We tried that when my daughter list hers in a field. Unfortunately, she had it on mute. The tracker found it though.

Another child of mine never answers the phone as its "in her pocket, or cant hear it ringing". The tracker finds her though and we know shes on her way.

We can all see each others locations in this house. Ds1 is 17. I pick him up and can see when he has left college so know to look out for him. I park in a massive car park, he sometimes uses the phone to try to find me, like in a spy movie. Dh can see me and I can see him. I only look to see if he is stuck in traffic on his way home.

I think when stories in our area have a man literally lifting a 12 year girl off her feet whilst she was walking to school and taking off to some bushes it does make you worry about children.

Or when you do safeguarding and the person teaching you tells you the local shopping centre has older men who befriend teenage boys, who in turn befriend teenage girls and introduce those girls to their "friends" -the older men who have money, and cars, and a place to hang out where they can give the girls alcohol, the whole time their parents think they are still shopping with their mates.

So yes, I track my sons' phones but don't sit watching it. It is especially helpful when they are returning from school trips so you can see where abouts they are.

Yea you can track your child. They are a child. With your rules.

"’m sorry@NotShinybut you do realise one of the first things a kidnapper would do is dispose of the phone anyway? Tracker not much use in that scenario...."
Not if they cant find it and anyway I've heard of cases where police have tracked and found the phone and therefore found the route they were on quicker.