NC because this is definitely outing:
She's 36 and my only sibling.
For as far back as I can remember, she was the Golden Child in our family: sweet, pretty, popular, straight As at school, responsible kid, good school followed by good uni ...
... and then, she sort of developed late-onset puberty and hasn't really snapped out of it since.
Changed subjects / universities several times before graduating. Eventually qualified as a teacher. Got a job, hated it, resigned. Worked as a short-term supply on and off again for a while.
Then found her dream job working for a charity abroad. Did it for some years, was super happy because "people are just so much [insert any number of positives here] around here".
Mandate ended, came back, started teaching again, more of the same.
Ran off to developing country again.
So far so "maybe not a top performer at adulting, but so what?"
But, in the meantime, our parents got older. Mum suffered a hypertensive crisis and spent a week in ICU. Dad lost his job and struggled to find work again at age 60.
Sister would call me from her "escape from reality" paradise and demand I look after them. Which I do, to the best of my abilities. Sister berated me for not going to see mum often enough as she was recovering. Easy for her to say, being a long-haul flight away!
Here's where things come to a head:
Sister took off again in February. Yes, February. Now, granted, things developed fast around that time - but it's hardly as though the looming global crisis wasn't obvious. The situation developed and things got bad. Sister refused to return home. Mum and dad started to worry. Then I started to worry - not so much about her health but about the possibility of an economic crash with her being stuck in a developing country with no access to money that didn't depend entirely upon local cash machines continuing to work.
I ended up emotionally blackmailing her into getting a re-patriation flight for the sake of everyone's ease of mind. She's been silently judging me for "making her do this" ever since.
Now dad's brother has died. Now, I had pretty much no relationship with this man. But when dad asked would I come to the funeral I naturally said yes - not for my uncle but for my father. We've had a difficult relationship at times - but I feel terrible for dad losing his second sibling aged only 61.
Sister is, again, refusing to turn up and blatantly lying, saying she has "work obligations". She doesn't. Schools local to her are on summer break. Then she says she doesn't know the guy. True. But she knows our dad. Then she says dad was not always there for us either and she hates "family shit". Again, true as far as our less than stellar father is concerned - but also: do you really need to play at puberty at this precise moment? Kick people when they're down already?
I've had my fair share of rows with our father - and I was the black sheep child, the one who got all the criticism, not her. But it's just not the moment!
Long story short: I feel that I'm being forced into the role of the dependable, supportive, sensible daughter here because my sister somehow decided to enter puberty at age 21 and to keep it up for a decade and a half. They're her parents, too! She's missed mum's 60th, dad's 60th, mum almost dying, dad losing his job and needing to be financially rescued by me in order to keep the roof over his head, our grandfather dying and now our uncle dying ... and then she dares to berate me for not being there often enough???
WIBU to tell her she's being selfish and pubescent and needs to grow the fuck up - and that I'm not "default daughter" here just because I managed to get over adolescence some time in my early to mid twenties?
And, yes, I love her. Dearly so. But I'm also really hurt and feel I'm being taken advantage of.