To be judging new friend over this?

[bankofpennies]

So I have a new school mum friend. We’ve really hit it off over the past 6 months, nights out, coffees, day trips etc.
Let me start by saying I cannot stand people that lie. Being truthful is very very high on my agenda.
This is such a petty thing, but I cannot stop thinking about a lie she told me and its making me feel really on edge.
It’s such a teeny tiny lie. Basically when the weather was boiling I said that I was letting the kids camp out on the trampoline overnight with me supervising. Friend said “oh we did that last week. The kids loved it”
Earlier this week I was talking to friends husband and he was saying he was desperate to book a camping trip because the kids hadn’t slept under the stars this year. I replied “well at least they had the sleepover on the trampoline”
Husband then replied “yeah we didn’t bother with that in the end. It was too cold”
I suppose I’m on edge because one, she lied and two, perhaps she doesn’t feel comfortable enough around me and wants to lie to impress.
Would you just let it go or call her out on it?
I suppose I worry because if she lies about the small stuff then she could lie about other stuff.
Fully prepared to accept I’m being over sensitive! It’s just playing on my mind.

I wouldn’t judge too harshly - my husband is murder for getting things mixed up and probably makes me sound like a liar all the time.

Example: a friend was going to a restaurant for a special occasion (it’s very expensive and ‘fancy’). We had been there and so I enthused to her about how nice it was.

At a BBQ a few days later I overheard her husband talk in to mine about it. Mine was saying ‘I’ve always wanted to go there but haven’t been able to afford it blah blah’

I interrupted to say we had been and after a frustrating (for me!) conversation, it became clear my husband was thinking of somewhere totally different and could barely remember this restaurant (he only twigged in the end when I reminded him of the lady who fell of her chair a few tables over ).

Looking back - it probably looked like I was lying and he just went along with me to shut me up!

Well fair enough with your socially distanced gin drinking. Whatever got you through lockdown

Is it really worth souring your friendship worrying about this? I think we all have things that niggle with friends. The more time you spend with friends, the more obvious some of their failings/bad habits become. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that. Don't put any friends on a pedestal. Everyone's human.

Who knows why she embellished the truth? Perhaps she's a bit insecure or wanted you to think she was a good mum that does fun things with her kids too?
It was a bit silly if she did embroider the truth but hardly a friendship ending issue. Give her the benefit of the doubt I'd say.

How on earth would you explain ending your friendship? Sorry I can't be friends with you because you exaggerated about your trampoline camp? It sounds pretty silly written down.
I also think it would be quite cruel to confront her over this assumed lie.

@LadyPrigsbottom it would be good if it could explained away that easily but we had a detailed conversation about how her DS was lying, how her bump was a different shape because he was breech, clothes not fitting, being really wide, etc etc. And then conversations with her consultant, booking in for the c-section, how relaxed it was. And then in another conversation where there were other people there say she had an emergency c-section with the same baby, bizarre!

I don’t think YABU, and I would also judge her for the lie. I know people lie all the time, but I struggle to have close relationships with people who do (that I know about, obviously!) because it makes me question everything they tell me. Sometimes people will contradict themselves in the same conversation, my auntie does... it’s so frustrating, and I wonder sometimes if she thinks I’m an idiot for (seeming to) believe anything that she says.

Why you are so convinced that she is lying and not her husband? Is he a good friend too and you know that he is very trustworthy and would never lie?

Has he been away at all? Or could they have secretly done it without telling Daddy? Or could he have forgotten?
If you genuinely think she’s lying, then find a few fairly obscure things to mention that you’re doing (roasting marshmallows on the BBQ/early morning family runs/screen free evenings, that sort of thing (Things you’re happy to actually do! Then you’re not lying yourself). Then see if she responds by saying they’ve done them all recently too. You’ll be able to tell then.

I wouldn't give two hoots if a friend who has been good to me, great company etc told a half truth about something they did with their kids.

You only have to look at Facebook to see parents presenting glossed over images of their perfect family lives all the time.

I think you're massively overreacting.

I couldn’t get worked about this. She could be exaggerating, her husband could be mistaken, or she could even have lied. But regardless it’s such a minor thing I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

If you see her 3 times a week I would casually bring it up the topic of camping again "the kids want another camping night, did you stay with yours all night ?" Or some better, relevant question.

And she how she reacts, depending on her answer you'll get a feeling for if she lied.

Or if she does reply with something odd say "oh its just that you DH said xyz, what did he mean by that"

It could be a misunderstanding. She might have meant to say 'we did that last year and the kids loved it.' It's such a small detail that could easily be explained away.

And what would It achieve if you caught her out and confronted her? You would look worse than her for calling her out on it.

Brownstripe what on earth would conducting some sort of inspector Morse enquiry achieve? It might prove the woman gave some incorrect timings on her trampoline sleepover.

Would you really grill someone over such an inconsequential thing? If we are nit picking, it's a lie to lead into a question with "the kids want another camping night.." with faux innocence isn't it? Just to get an answer you want to hear?

Being so hung up on minor perceived lies and categorizing people as good (truth tellers) or bad (liars) is a far too simplistic view of the world.

This video reminded me of this thread!

www.facebook.com/413132078795966/posts/2915496671892815/?vh=e

It strikes me that if this is a friendship deal breaker that the friendship itself might not be as solid. It’s a very small bit of embellishment and in the grand scheme of things doesn’t harm anyone. I wouldn’t let it bother me. At these times especially, I think people are wishing they were better in certain areas and perhaps that hit an aspirational activity nerve for her.

Maybe she should ditch you for being so judgemental. Have you even considered that you don't have the full story and anyway it's not really any of your business.

Your OP illustrates the point exactly.
You said We’ve really hit it off over the past 6 months, nights out, coffees, day trips etc.

PPs say - there is no way that you have any nights out etc for at least four and a half months - so the most nights out etc you could have had over the past six months is TWO months worth - quite clearly a lie designed to make your friendship sound much closer than it is.

You then back-track or explain or elucidate or clarify - depending on how it is interpreted - that what you meant was you had been CLOSE for six months but had been on nights out long before that - and you have had lots of socially distanced drinks since lockdown etc.

Both can be true. I don't think you "lied" but what you actually said is not what happened. You do see that the truth is not 100% black and white? "Pulling her up" could damage the friendship.

Sleeping on a trampoline? A trampoline? wtf? I have never heard of this being a thing in my entire life. Do you literally just lie on the trampoline with a sleeping bag? That's way more fucked up than any lie.

@GloriousTechnicolour

Sleeping on a trampoline? A trampoline? wtf? I have never heard of this being a thing in my entire life. Do you literally just lie on the trampoline with a sleeping bag? That's way more fucked up than any lie.

CopperBeeches made a perfect point.
Yes, not being 100% accurate does not equate lying, very clear in your OP, OP.

If you can't stop thinking about it, you need something to do. Her husband probably said they didn't do it in the end because it got too cold and the kids came in. So her crime was not making it clear they didn't stay there ALL night. What a bitch.

How do you camp on a trampoline?

I'd totally change my value of our friendship.

wow that's petty

Hopefully the op is perfect in every which way

Maybe it was the other night when he was away for work?

This is why we need to be very careful judging.

How do you camp on a trampoline?

Expectation: your family snuggle up on it with blankets under the stars.

Reality: a wind blows up, you get woken up by bouncing motions when anyone moves and after a bird shits on you in the early hours you go inside.

Maybe she doesn't know they didn't sleep outside? Maybe it was meant to be dad and kids and they all came in in the night due to cold or whatever, and she didn't know?