To be judging new friend over this?

[bankofpennies]

So I have a new school mum friend. We’ve really hit it off over the past 6 months, nights out, coffees, day trips etc.
Let me start by saying I cannot stand people that lie. Being truthful is very very high on my agenda.
This is such a petty thing, but I cannot stop thinking about a lie she told me and its making me feel really on edge.
It’s such a teeny tiny lie. Basically when the weather was boiling I said that I was letting the kids camp out on the trampoline overnight with me supervising. Friend said “oh we did that last week. The kids loved it”
Earlier this week I was talking to friends husband and he was saying he was desperate to book a camping trip because the kids hadn’t slept under the stars this year. I replied “well at least they had the sleepover on the trampoline”
Husband then replied “yeah we didn’t bother with that in the end. It was too cold”
I suppose I’m on edge because one, she lied and two, perhaps she doesn’t feel comfortable enough around me and wants to lie to impress.
Would you just let it go or call her out on it?
I suppose I worry because if she lies about the small stuff then she could lie about other stuff.
Fully prepared to accept I’m being over sensitive! It’s just playing on my mind.

@bankofpennies
So I have a new school mum friend. We’ve really hit it off over the past 6 months, nights out, coffees, day trips etc
I thought we had all been socially distancing over the last 4 months!

I reckon they tried it, HATED it, abandoned it. You said you were about to do it and she didn't want to out a downer on it, so said her kids loved it. I can imagine people having a conversation. One saying "oh we are going to do a camp out in the garden this weekend". The other starts to say "we did that last weekend, but it was miserable and we abandoned it", but then stop themselves at "we did that last weekend...". Other woman says "and did the kids like it"? "Oh yes, they LOVED it"! Sounds quite realistic to me! It is still a lie though, but not an unusual one.

I don't think it was a lie to impress you or anything, because that would be weird. Obviously if she starts on about how she is actually the queen of France or something equally unlikely, then you will know!

LilyPond2, I do lie. If some of my mum friends said " my dc is struggling with the homework", I would say "yeah, it was hard, wasn't it?", rather than " No my dc finished in a second, it was too easy for them."
I don't think I am a bad person, or liar, at all. It's what's the lies was about, that makes you a liar, or simply telling white lies to be polite.

I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking about it

I did read your updates, and to think that you are even considering cutting someone out of your life for something that you describe as such a petty thing and such a teeny tiny lie seems very dramatic to me.

But then so does this from the OP I cannot stop thinking about a lie she told me and its making me feel really on edge.

Take a deep breath. People aren't perfect. Maybe she'll make the decision for you, though. I know I couldn't be in a friendship with this level of judgment.

@xolotltezcatlopoca

LilyPond2, I do lie. If some of my mum friends said " my dc is struggling with the homework", I would say "yeah, it was hard, wasn't it?", rather than " No my dc finished in a second, it was too easy for them." I don't think I am a bad person, or liar, at all. It's what's the lies was about, that makes you a liar, or simply telling white lies to be polite.

That’s a white lie though, to save someone’s feelings. I put that in a different category. I think most people do, hence the special name for it.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Could have been a half lie. She might only have realised once it came out of her mouth because it's what they had intended to do, and didn't know how to correct it.

I don't think it necessarily means she's a person who lies about everything.

I'd be more concerned if there was no camping trip at all, planned or attempted, and she made the whole thing up.

GreyishDays, that was my point. The OP's friend might have said that her kids loved it, instead of saying it was cold and horrible. I consider that as a white lie, a harmless one, rather than someone to think she is a liar. And I thought it was not a big deal. But Lillypod said people who say it's not a big deal are themselves Liars, so I responded to that comment.

So to save face for the children?

I have no clue what you are talking about. I have already explained what I meant. Nothing to do with save face for the children.

To the person asking about ' elevanerife' it's just an expression to describe people who have to top what you have or where you have been. So if you say ' I'm going to Tenerife next year' they will say they are going ( or have already gone) somewhere much better/ bigger / more expensive etc.One better than you.

( I also tend to call these type of people ' top trumps' as they have to trump whatever you have , or going to do ! It turns into a competition. )

Oh OP You must spend hours polishing your halo. Are you saying you have never ever told the smallest of lies ?

I’m not going to cut her out of my life because of this. Well not just yet anyway

Perhaps do her a favour, and get on with it?

My sister and I I took our dc to the beach last week. It was a bit shit; a drizzly sea mist descended when we arrived and the children bickered,, we cut it short and came home.
My neighbour asked How it went and I said fine it was good thanks.

I definitely don't expect her to call me out as a liar and end our friendship if she suspects differently!

My point is you'll end up sabotaging a friendship if you analyse it to death. Don't blow this up in your mind into something it isn't.

I really can't be doing with people like this, I'm surprised some posters are telling you to let it go. I'd have to call her out on it!

Mountain and mole hill spring to mind. Maybe you could quiz her kids next time you see them and they can give their version of events. Based on that you can then continue your friendship or banish her to the liars den.

I think you're getting some harsh replies here OP. I would feel the same, it's the sunrise embellishment that would really jar with me. I would hold off on ending the friendship as that seems quite extreme for what could have been a once off but if it happened again, I'd have to re-evaluate things as I find I can't be myself to someone who I think is a liar.

I have had a very similar situation recently and it's very off-putting. For my friend there have been a number of lies, the biggest was her birth story. She told me she had a c-section because the baby was breech and then in another conversation she said she had an emergency c-section. I thought this was a really weird thing to lie about but maybe she has unresolved trauma around the birth so let that go. But since then there have been other completely pointless lies so I've just come to the conclusion she's a pathological liar. The lying along with a few other things made me keep my distance from her. The older I get, my tolerance for bullshit just keep getting lower and lower!

She told me she had a c-section because the baby was breech and then in another conversation she said she had an emergency c-section. I thought this was a really weird thing to lie about

Could it not have been that she went in for induction, found the baby was breech and then sent her for EMCS? Or maybe she was booked for her ELCS for breech and then went into labour and had to go for EMCS?

How weird for you to be bothered by this. Have you been betrayed in the past?

@FreakStar

I want to know how you've managed to 'hit it off' with a school mum and have coffees, nights and day trips over the last 6 months when everywhere has been closed for the last four months.

Absolutely, I'll to know this as well. Someone else reading your OP could say it sounds like a lie.

Aha yes I was wondering about the mythical nights out they've had in the last 6 months too! Nothing was bloody open until last week.

We’ve been close friends for the past 6 months. Before that we were acquaintances that went on school mum nights out.
In fact I would say it was just after Christmas when we started going out for meals and drinks, so perhaps 7 months of close friendship!
But if you must know we’ve also had socially distant gin drinking for the main part of lockdown from when you were able to meet another friend outside.
Since you could meet people outside she has been over to play in our garden with the kids at least 3 times a week.
I would say in the past 6 months she is one of the only people I’ve socialised with.

Let it go and don’t let it block friendship, but be alert to this side of her character.

I can't believe the amount of people who wouldn't be bothered about this lie!

White lies where you don't want to hurt a person's feelings I can understand.

But where someone makes up a whole episode it's amazed me that most PPs think that's ok.

MN is a weird place sometimes.

Anyway OP yes this is a red flag, she either wants to get one over you or is trying to impress you.

Personally if she lies one more time, I'd dump her as a mate.

You would be utterly insane to pull her up on this, OP! People let tiny little half-truths slip out all the time - it hardly makes them terrible human beings If she starts regularly telling whoppers that’s another matter, but at the moment it’s actually you who sounds like hard work.