To ask how the fuck you do it?

[Merryoldgoat]

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

@SummerCherry

I think I’ve really slacked off with any kind of routine for older DS and I think you’re right.

I will talk to DH about a realistic framework for the week.

@IdblowJonSnow

Firstly, with respect to your username, so would I.

Secondly. Littlest goes to CM every day I work - older DS goes to PIL once a week. I just hate the fact he’s so neglected each day. I really need to make more effort to engage and occupy him properly.

I can take some time for myself. I am going to ensure I carve out proper time alone fling forward.

Congratulations on the weight loss. I am also fat and trying to loose weight - need to loose 6 stone in total and I’ve also managed two so far. Most of that was pre-lockdown though. I’ve gained and lost the same 3lbs for 12 weeks now. It’s tough.

Juggling everything else is overwhelming sometimes. Your plans to break it down sound great. Just make sure you do stuff so you, and your family, can cope and not to meet anyone else’s expectations

I’m going to add one item- my husbands gym kit takes up half the basket, I want to murder him when I see it piled on top and I’ve nearly got to the bottom. If he exercised every day I’d just allocate him a separate basket and leave him to it. He will get to it fast enough or he won’t have anything to wear. You aren’t at the moment getting the time to exercise, he can add the time to wash his exercise clothes into his exercise time until you both have a decent routine.

I sympathise! I am home schooling two pre-teens and having to basically spend the 6 hours a day doing stuff with them where I would usually have that time to myself. I work part time WFH but am massively behind with that. My house is a tip! My garden is a mess. None of my other 'projects' (or the kids') have been started, I feel like I'm fire fighting 24/7.

My children also have SEN so need more support with their schoolwork, but for that very reason I don't want it to slip back more than it has to. I have to admit that we have been a bit lazy about getting up so don't get going quite as early as when they're at school, and they stay up later, but I'm really starting to feel conscious of everything else that isn't getting done.

But we just need to do what we can to get through this, and hopefully things will eventually return to some sort of normal! You've done so well to lose the weight - I've stopped exercising and eaten and drunk far too much! Try to accept a cluttered, dusty home and a bit less washing - there'll be plenty of time to address that later on. You're doing an amazing job just holding it all together and keeping your family ticking over, they need you well and happy, so please try to relax and concentrate on yourself. Have a long bath and a glass of wine or a hot chocolate. Take care .

stay strong. Working a lot with young kids is hard. I went back to work full time when my DC were 5 and 3 and it was a major feat in organisation, it also needed 50% support from DH. Here are things that helped:

1. get a cleaner to come in once a week. It makes a huge difference.
2. lower your expectations about toys. Children have them. Have a couple of baskets in the living room and chuck the toys in there at the end of the day rather than dragging them upstairs.
3. Have a weekly meal plan for mon-fri of food you know your children will eat. Freeze as much as you can by doing a big batch cook a couple of weekends
4. Do laundry early every day. I would put it in the washing machine before I went to bed and put the timer on so it washed at 5.30am or something and was done by 630. Then one of us would put it out before the day properly began. Don't iron anything that you really don't need to.
5. remember that nothing lasts forever, and you cannot do everything all at once.

OP it's so hard. I could have written this. I've lowered my standards and taken annual leave when I was really at the end of my tether. Could you take some annual leave so you get a bit of a break from working at least? Well done on the weight loss. I agree get the cleaner back. Go for a long walk or drive or see a friend or family so you get some space or even hide in the car with a book. Speaking to the gp about increasing your AD's might help. Don't beat yourself up about things like the garden/decluttering unless you can hire someone to sort the garden or find it therapeutic, now is not the time when you're already at the end of your tether. Hang in there.

Delegate as much as you can afford to. Cleaning, gardening, ironing, shopping. Do the bare minimum. Order shopping online. Cook simple meals. I'm self employed so don't have work at the moment. I'm mum, teacher, cook, cleaner, gardener, slave. I wish I had the spare cash to deligate right now. Been trying to teach my eldest life skills (all the jobs I hate) but she's having none of it. I find decluttering and sorting good for my brain, so if you want to do it then maybe a section every day. If you're not bothered by the clutter then hide it and leave it until you're ready.

Op - I could have written your post (apart from the weight loss!)

It's so hard isn't it? More people around means more mess/dirt/chaos - I feel like I'm doing a rubbish job of work and home.

You're not alone.

Have a nice long soak and get some rest, then take some time out. Make a list of all you need to do, enlist some help from your kids then do a little at a time. Be kind to yourself.

OP, be kind to yourself. You're working FT and parenting two kids with additional needs and you're doing it in a pandemic and all the while losing two stone.

From where I'm standing you're a fucking rock star.

OP I agree with Fungster.

And also with a PP who said to separate your DH's workout kit from the general washing. If he has time to work out every day then he can spend some of this spare time washing his stuff.

Things that helped us-

Minimising - get a skip (as charity shops not currently open and it will clog up your house). Have a clear out EVERYWHERE. We went from a 12ftx12ft shed to 5ftx5ft, got read of books and sent all photo albums away to be scanned. It was me cleaning the bookshelves and it was all DH's books that he has no time to read. Meant we could get rid of the bookshelves too. DC have bookshelves in their bedrooms and one in the playroom now. Cleared ornaments we didn't want/clothes/random crap tiny free gift toiletteries etc.

I know if some body can't find something in the house it WILL be there they are just not looking (because there is no crap clogging up the house now)

Get a gardener - means we can just do nice things in the garden now (like veg/sunflower planting with the children instead of hedge trimming whilst they get bored)

Meal Plan on a Sunday night

DH puts the washing on every night then DC2 moves it to the dryer in the morning.

Morning everyone - I slept really well and feel a lot more positive.

Some laundry is already nearly dry, I’ve had a nice light breakfast and I’m having a little crochet before I tackle some household stuff.

But most importantly I’m going to have drinks in a friend’s garden this evening.

Thank you all for your kind words

Oh, and my cleaner is coming back This week too.

Marking for all the tips. I’m the same.

Exercise will give you more energy

@Macncheeseballs

Exercise will give you more energy

People always say this but I’ve neve found it to be true... 😬🤣

Depends what you are doing and how often, make it a habit, little and often perhaps, a strong fit body has a much better chance of coping with life's challenges

OP, you’re doing great. Well done on your weight loss, what a fantastic achievement.

I completely understand being overwhelmed, I’ve cried many times over the past few months due to the pressure of everything getting to me.

Me and my partner have been WFH with the two kids. Our jobs were pushing us to work late into early hours of the mornings, then back up again at 6am. My youngest DS5 demands one on one attention constantly, doesn’t go to sleep by himself and wakes up throughout the night. I had to leave my eldest DS12 to do his own schoolwork due to not having any physical time to help him with any of it. I found it overwhelming trying to juggle it all, housework, schoolwork, the pressure of everything really. So I’ve taken 2 weeks of annual leave just to have a break from all the work pressure on top of day to day life, and I feel so much better for it.

OP, try and take some annual leave if you can. Take a break from work, spend some time catching up with a friend if you can, go for a walk to clear your head. Ask family for help with any housework, gardening if they are willing.

@Macncheeseballs

Depends what you are doing and how often, make it a habit, little and often perhaps, a strong fit body has a much better chance of coping with life's challenges

I know it will help in the long run - I’m just very physically lazy

I’ve just booked some annual leave for end July - can’t be sooner as COO is off for two weeks and I deputise for him in his absence.

I must say though that work has been spectacularly understanding (both mine and DH’s) and made lots of allowances - it’s just there are hard deadline for some stuff that can’t be avoided which adds pinch points.

I’ve opened all the windows and the back doors and the air is blowing through which is lovely and putting me in a much more positive frame of mind.

Would anyone be interested in a support thread for the overwhelmed?

Glad you feel a bit better today :)

And yes yes yes to a support thread :)

@LaneBoy

And yes yes yes to a support thread :)

I’ll start one 😊