To ask how the fuck you do it?

[Merryoldgoat]

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

OP it sounds like you're doing amazingly, and losing 2 stone is no small feat. But yes, I empathise, the relentless stressful messy all consuming lonely yet never alone-ness is hard, especially at the moment. Do you get any time fully away? Maybe a few hours at the weekend, even for a walk around town whilst DH stays home?

I'm in awe and very jealous of you losing two stone! Everything else, pretty standard.

My love, you are doing so well to have lost 2 stone. I've put that on!!
I have worked with DC with ASD and after 7 hours at school I was exhausted, cant imagine how knackered you must be with 24/7, and working at the same time.
Give yourself some credit girl!!
Its crap that holiday clubs for children with SN have been cancelled. Is there a young TA who could come and work with him or just mind him for a few hours a week?
The garden is not important, call it a wildlife garden. Chris Packham will love you.

We are also a household with baby bum on half the fricking night. It's so hard knowing my friends are at that point doing what they want and I'm just stuck with bloody netflix on and all going to bed at the same time!! Definitely try to get that hour a day from DP.

Would your DH be able to support you to go off on your own for a few days even without the summer camp?

I had thought about this - I will talk to him.

@Wtfdidwedo

You have nailed it. I cleaned the living room the other day. Went to the loo. Came back and all the drawers had been emptied and he’d chucked a drink over the chair.

I'd recommend a good multi vitamin and mineral supplement for the whole family, age appropriate for the kids obvs. I can get into a viscous cycle of too busy and tired to eat properly, eating crap makes me feel crap. Supplements definitely help me. Or if you feel really worn out, a trip to the GP to check for anemia, b12, etc etc would probably be a good idea. ❤️

Do you have any family that can help? Look after the children for a few hours? My eldest two have gone to their grandparents tonight. We needed the break as we've been together 24/7 since March and they needed the break too. It's made such a difference just having the baby here.
If not can you and your husband take it in turn to have a lie in or early night on the weekends. You can use it as self care time, having a bath, reading a book, whatever just as long as it's just you.
I'd also get your cleaner back and look in to a gardener. Some will do a one off and just get your garden looking nice then you just maintain it or they sign will come every week/fortnight.
Well done on loosing the weight, especially in these times.

Well done on the weight loss OP that is tremendous. Life is hard at the moment, small children are hard. It will pass. Try writing daily gratitudes, it really does help. Please don't think I'm minimising how tough it is.just saying this the time we most need to stop and be thankful. For clean water, food on the table, our families, partners, homes

OP, you are definitely not alone. And everyone else doesn't cope any better than you. People hide it well, or they are good at something you're not and you notice that without giving yourself credit for what you do well. WFH with DC is really tough. You are there but in accessible to them. It makes them play up.

FWIW, my advice is to have a very tight routine which really helps HFA children anyway (DS2 has HFA.)

Get everyone dressed, fed and then set up the day with a quick tidy of the kitchen, washload on. Plan with your 7 yr old which activities he will do each day,. That sounds like overkill but HFA children love to know exactly what is happening. (I am working at my desk and you are building Lego/playing on Minecraft/colouring in.)

Make sure you have a long lunchbreak and go outside for a walk or cycle or ball game in the garden where he gets you attention.

I am naturally disorganised but when DC were small I structured the day very tightly. Still knackered, house still a mess, but I could at least say to myself: we had fresh air, we did one craft activity, we had stories, cuddles and a giggle. That's not bad.

Try and focus on what you do achieve. You've lost two stone. That's fantastic! It takes self discipline which is a finite resource. Everyone is still alive, fed, functioning. You will get through this. It gets easier physically and practically as they grow older.

Having your cleaner back will make a big difference. I am playing tennis and running during the week now which I couldn’t do before because of childcare but my partner is at home furloughed and I am working from home so I can take a little bit of time for myself. It has been really uplifting to be honest. Having a hobby that is just for you to enjoy makes you feel like yourself again.

Oh and well done for the weight loss. I am not on top of that and it is getting me down. So you have done really well with that.

@Merryoldgoat

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

Maybe you just want validation. You got it ! You are woman, and you rock !

I expect you are far from alone here. It's been a while since my children were small and I worked all the hours God sends and was expected to still perform as a wife and mother .. being permanently tired and feeling like everything was out of control.

It's OK to feel like this. You sound wonderful to me hugs

To the posters asking about family help:

PIL are fantastic and have older DS one day a week. They take the younger once every 3/4 weeks as he’s a real handful - very physical with speech delay so hard work and they’re older. They don’t feel able to have them at the same time which I completely respect and understand.

I don’t have any parents anymore, and my aunt isn’t able to help as much as he has her granddaughter plus we’re all dealing with the loss of my grandmother so tricky getting extra help.

If DH is getting the chance to work out every day, are you getting a similar chunk of time to yourself?

You are basically trying to fit another 40 hrs a into a week - that's 40 hrs of childcare, home schooling and cleaning. It's just not possible. Something - frankly several things - needs to give.

Please give yourself a break. This is tough on lots of people, and you have more on your plate than many.

Have a load of wine. Tomorrow is another day. Finishing today is one day closer to "back to normal".

I'm living by everyone fed, nobody dead is a sucess.

Firstly, congratulations on keeping everyone alive and fed!

Next, safeguard your sanity. Give yourself 20 minutes each morning to yourself. Get out of the house, put the headphones on and walk.

If you can face it, chuck everything in boxes. It makes everything easier to keep tidy and locate. Things like glitter, playdoh, paint and glue get stuck in the craft box out of reach!

If you feel up to it, read the organised mum method book. Pick the bits that work for you.

Finally, the cleaner/gardener option sounds essential!

I feel exactly the same at times. The housework is never ending and the kids shit is EVERYWHERE. Our house is quite small so any bit of mess or clutter is magnified. Washing that's drying and piles of clothes are the bane of my life.
Everything that you've written is quite overwhelming all together. Try and break it down into small tasks, then gradually the whole mass of things becomes easier. Could your DH take your older one for a walk while you're younger one is at CM? Would give you an hour to get something sorted. Even if it's putting the laundry away.
I have done a couple of clear outs in the last fortnight. Two car fills to the tip. It actually hadn't made a dent in the STUFF that we have, but it's helped my head clear a bit.
I also find the healthier I am physically, the better I feel mentally. Try to get some fresh air-now it's stopped raining get the kids in the garden while you try and clear some of the garden-or get your DH to do that while you have an hour inside clearing stuff.
I have cried a lot this lockdown. The kids are doing my head in. You are not alone

Sorry, just seen you've recently lost your grandmother. My mantra isnt particularly appropriate in that case. So sorry.

You sound absolutely exhausted, is your hubby pulling his weight, I’d do a de clutter that always helps, you should certainly give yourself a pat on the back for losing two stone, most ppl me included are putting it on, get yourself a gardener for a few hours a week, and a cleaner for couple of days will really help you,

Oh and well done on losing two stone, that's awesome

@lockdownalli

If DH is getting the chance to work out every day, are you getting a similar chunk of time to yourself?

No! I’m bloody well not! But I’m going to make sure I do.

We’ve both been losing weight (he of course is back to his fucking 25yo physique) so I’m supportive of the exercise but I should have the same time and will start to take the time.

Thank you.

OP my son is 7 with severe autism... i 100% understand the fucking mess they make. Drives me insane! Vacuumed the whole house the other day and 2 minutes later he dropped a packet of crisps all over the floor (share bag, the bits at the bottom) so I revacummed that room and while I did that he got a packet of party rings out of the cupboard.. clearly struggled to open them so smashed the packet up, gave it to me.. I opened it to give him one and he snatched it out of my hands and proceeded to drop the packet on the floor aka smashed up party rings everywhere. Then he’s throwing a paddy as he dropped them so he’s picking them up as quick as he can while stepping on all of them and screaming.
I literally muttered to myself FML and walked away as I was fuming.

@beatrixpotterspencil err yes, it is. I used to spend about an hour a week cleaning and it was fine. I now spend five hours (plus the 3x a day tidying the kitchen, two loads of washing a day etc)and it's a bombsite within a few hours. And that's excluding the more major events that require cleaning. Some examples for you;
Painted a wall recently. Now covered in red marker pen.
Lego on every surface
Food all over the floor 3x a day
Water spills at least once a day.
Nappy removal incidents: came out of study to find a huge dump on the landing.
Shampoo bottles emptied.
Craft box emptied onto the floor and not tidied up.
Toddler pulled all the clothes out of every drawer and threw them around the room.
Created a paint and glue, err, collage, on the garden path. It's still there, as it dried on on a hot day before I saw it.
We also spend about 4 hours gardening a week now.

Ah you've lost two stone? I think I may have found it for you

Seriously though it's hard and you are going through a rough, low period. I feel for you. Try to be kind to yourself.

It may all look a bit better soon - I've had some very low points lately, but they don't last forever. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing this!