To ask how the fuck you do it?

[Merryoldgoat]

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

OP, it is 9.30pm on a Saturday evening. Presuming you’re in the U.K. ignore the mess, grab a LARGE glass of wine and ignore the mess. You aren’t alone, it’s hard work and at the moment it is particularly relentless. Agree with the above, if you can throw some money at it and get some childcare or cleaning help, do it.
Remember, it won’t always feel so stressful x

OP I too have little time for myself especially during lockdown as we are all always together.

I decided to make some time to gently exercise and then shower and have a little pamper. This has helped me so much with my disability too and made me fitter and healthier. May be something to consider since you want to keep on your weight loss. I do dvd workouts, loads in amazon some you can do sitting at a chair. How about something like that?

You are definitely not alone, all struggle. Some more than others. It's all about reaching out and be willing to do things to help your self. And keep telling your family you need them to help. My kids now (also asd) have been making an effort.

@beatrixpotterspencil

I think it’s a ‘time’ thing more than a parent thing. Also, how you feel about cleaning, how good you are and how well set up your house.

In normal times the day to day stuff Is managed ok, but the cleaner does the stuff that takes time - proper deep clean of bathrooms and kitchen. Hoovers the whole house. Dusts. Sorts cupboards. Cleans fridge. Irons. Without her it’s just starting to get too much especially as we both hate cleaning.

Also, my littlest boy is like a wrecking ball. He moves furniture, climbs stuff. Eats crap from the floor, unfolds washing as you fold it. Empties drawers. Throws toys. And of course doesn’t sleep much. So the time alone I get is minimal and not always terribly relaxing.

I have just poured a large gin. And Little Baby Bum is on a loop.

I would like to exercise more but the living room is a fucking hazard.

You have all really helped - thank you again.

Decluttering and organising your house is a big thing to do on your own look up APDO and get some one to help you organise and declutter your house. Then keep it up with a cleaner once a week.

Is it sunny there this evening? Could you take yourself out for a walk, on your own? It won’t solve anything but might give you a chance to breathe.

Getting time alone is so hard at the moment but so necessary. I deliberately take ages getting ready in the morning, it seems to be the only point in the day when I can be alone. I’m not glamorous or well groomed or anything, I just get showered and ready for the day really slowly behind a locked bathroom door, for my own sanity.

Is your bedroom tidy? My house has descended into mayhem during lockdown but if I have one room I can go into that’s in order it makes such a difference.

I am also being buried under heaps of laundry. I iron stuff as and when I need it. Mostly I just shove it all in drawers or sling it in the wardrobe to get it out of the way. I fold DD’s stuff as it comes out if the tumble drier and sling it into her drawers, so she can make her own sartorial choices. DH has discovered (astonishingly) that, despite not having a vagina, he is perfectly capable of doing his own laundry/folding/putting away.

You’re doing a good job. Just keep swimming.

I think one thing that really hit hard was the closure of summer camps. My older boy usually does a few days and it’s when I take a few data off for myself which is such a treat.

You lost two stone - if I could achieve that, I wouldn't care if the house fell down around my ears!

to ask how the fuck you do it

Answer: most people don't "do it".

Most people dont have any kids with additional needs.

Most people's kitchen is a bit of a state quite a lot of the time.

Most people are fighting the Invasion of the Toys, unsuccessfully.

Most people have weight they want/need to shift - you are doing better than most here, you have lost some, hurrah!

Give yourself a break lady.

Is your bedroom tidy? My house has descended into mayhem during lockdown but if I have one room I can go into that’s in order it makes such a difference

It IS tidy - I’ve tried hard to maintain that. I think maybe I should talk to DH about getting an hour there each night 🤔

Wasn't your eldest DC able to go to school?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Thank you. When you put it like that I feel a bit daft.

@ineedaholidaynow

No. He’s in Year 2 so not a year group that returned and he doesn’t have an EHCP yet - we were in the process of applying when lockdown hit. However he’s unlikely to get one without a bit of a fight as he is educationally quite far about average which is its own challenge.

@katy1213

It IS good but it’s 2 stone of about 8!! I’m still VERY fat 😂

LoveIsland is wise, listen to her! (That was a weird sentence :o)

Most people do not have DC with additional needs. It IS harder. You need respite. When you do not have it, it becomes a struggle.

Would your DH be able to support you to go off on your own for a few days even without the summer camp? Most employers are asking people to take holiday even during WFH because they don't want everyone using it up all at once later in the year if/when offices start reopening.

Could your our your dh parents could help out with the kids in the summer holidays?
Most grandparents are happy to have a grandchild for a week in the summer school holidays, even if they only take the seven year old it could help.

And this
Some days are lovely but I always seem to end the day low.

You are tired OP. And that makes you feel low at the end of the day.

Go to bed asap and have your leisure time there with the idea that you'll fall asleep as soon as you want to.

That way at least you should get adequate rest and it will all seem more copeable with in the day.

You’re not alone. I have absolutely felt like giving up and walking out and not coming back. And things all Pile on top of each other and it all becomes too much. So much to do, the mess and the dishes and the washing never stops there’s never time to do stuff and the toys are never ending! Always take two minutes when you feel overwhelmed. Sit on back step with cup of tea or whatever and just deep breathe. Tackle the things you can- if your fed up tidying toys , get a large box keep some downstairs and rotate them. Then toys go in the box each night. Maybe bribe , sorry appeal to 7yo if you hoover or tidy your room you can have treat/ pocket
Money Ona Friday? My youngest is ten and I’ve only just got the last “toy “ out of my living room - a kitchen set which didn’t fit in bedroom! Accept that there will be toys and if they are chucked in a box each night, that will do! Dishes, you and Dh both need to tackle dishes and washing and ironing. I know when you are at home you feel you have to do everything but you really don’t. I’ve never read that law....if you can afford a cleaner / clothes ironer then get one once a week . I’m sure it will help. Things will get easier as kids back to school soon. So hang in there. Most importantly talk to someone, family, friend. They probably have felt similarly frustrated and stressed at times. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing a great job. Your kids are fed and clothed and clean. That means something too.

You’re really not alone.

I have upped my cleaners hours, she is coming in 3 days a week for 2 hours to also wash/change towels, and change the bedding, and do a mid week tidy up. It’s easier having her here in short bursts, one day upstairs, mid week beds etc, one day downstairs.

We’re all wearing the same 3 outfits on rotation, so by reducing choice we are reducing washing.

Food wise, great that your dh does meals and well done in losing 2 stone, that’s an amazing achievement!

Go easy on yourself, have you taken any annual leave? I have used about 10 days during lockdown to reduce my days from 5 to 4. I also took a week of unpaid parental leave. All companies have to allow parents with children under 18 unpaid time off, you get an allowance of 18 weeks until your child’s 18 birthday to a maximum of 4 per year. I take 2 weeks a year, I didn’t find out about it until my eldest was 8, so I’m using his allowance, and will then use my allowance against my youngest.

Perhaps you need some time off, to spend some time doing what you want to do?

I get up at 5 and go to bed at midnight
Exhausted
Be kind to yourself OP x

We are the same here, ds 7 with asd and a just turned one year old.
I'm WFH (with the kids) while dh has gone back to working away from home mon - Friday.
The house is a tip, I do a quick tidy up on my lunch break and a tidy up of all the toys and sweep the floor in the evening. I'm relying on my cleaner to do the deep clean of the kitchen, bathrooms, mop the floors.
We gave up on the homeschooling at the start of June, instead I've just picked a few areas that ds needs to work on and we are focusing on them in our own time.
I understand on the needing time to yourself, even five or ten minutes where I can walk away and have silence and time to myself makes a huge difference.
Weve just come into a busy period in work now, I'm having to do lots of overtime in the evenings, I'm really dreading Monday coming around

Better off than on - which unfortunately is what I've done! I think you're brilliant - and nobody sees the laundry pile but you, so that means it doesn't exist!

Follow shit.tip on Instagram so you don't feel alone, this has helped me this past week I have a 2 and 3 year old and my husband is working 50-60 hours a week while I'm on furlough with them. He leaves at 7am every morning and gets back past 8pm some days. By the time he's home I am ready to kill someone, and neither of us are capable of doing anything except staring at the bombsite around us. You have my absolute sympathy!

To the PP questioning cleanliness with children, presumably neither you nor your husband regularly mash playdoh into carpets, pull toilet roll out of the holder, spread soap over the sink, "help mop" the floors, "help dig" the plants etc. Children are like tiny tornadoes, and once you've located and sorted one mess, they've already created the next!