To ask how the fuck you do it?

[Merryoldgoat]

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

@BluebellForest836

I have a disabled child and am knackered but we made a rule years ago if it makes our lives easier and we can afford we buy it with no guilt. Garden has been landscaped for minimal maintenance, all furniture is wipeable or we do not buy it. Washing machine has to have a short wash. Meals that don’t create a mountain of dishes. It’s still hard but we try to not make it harder. Take care of yourself.

I'm working from home OP and finding the lack of alone time hard. I force myself to get out for a walk every other evening. DH and I take it in turns so we all get a break.

We also have two DC 7 and 5. Eldest probably has some form of SN, not diagnosed yet. Coronavirus put a halt to that. We aim to do a load of washing a day. Put it on first thing before breakfast, then hang it up at lunch. Tumble dry as much as you can.

For toys, we have one of those cheap ottomans from B&M in the living room. At the end of the day, you everything gets thrown in there, the lid goes on and no one is any wiser.

Be strict about your working hours and make sure you only work what you should, not 'just five more minutes'. Do not work into the evenings! Give up on home schooling, it's almost summer holidays anyway. Can you get childcare for your eldest? I've started sending mine back to the childminder two days a week which has helped enormously. Get back onto your cleaner and get them in ASAP.

I try to do as much as I can as I go along and then I'm not faced with it all in a big hit. Can you get your eldest to help you tidy up etc.

OP you’ve achieved loads & there’s some fab suggestions. Would DC(2) let you put him in a pushchair to walk In evenings or early am when it’s light? No idea re feeling safe where you live etc but bit fresh air an exercise if He would let you - obvs not if he goes rigid & stressed. We went to clean socks & underwear Only for 2-3 days unless beyond quick sponge Down & that helped massively. Also no more ironing 😀

Can you limit the toys in your lounge and have the rest in their bedrooms?

I feel like this a lot of the time. I look around my house and don't know where to start.
We don't have a cleaner or any family help and both work full time. I have 3 kids, youngest is just one. I have a decent job, husband less so and we pay for full time childcare.
I'm quite ruthless about throwing things away as I hate clutter. I do a big blitz every few months on toys and clothes and I try not to buy too much 'stuff'.
I'm organised, try to get as much ready night before etc and stick to a plan for meals. We do general cleaning most evenings to keep on top of things then bathrooms and deeper clean at weekends. I don't do ironing unless something really needs it.
Its doable but I'm stressed a lot of the time.
Biggest bit of advice is make sure your other half pulls their weight. Thankfully I have a very domesticated husband and we share all the chores.

Sit back ... write down now you can and will change things that you can ...: and go for it
The kids are driving you mad ... but they will likely grow up too soon and you will be giving somebody the same advice as I’m giving you
Learn to laugh more ... meditate ... and that does not mean shutting brain off as that is not humanly possible ... get a cleaner for sure ... or contact your original one ..and really ... go for a walk and clear your head .. take out half hour a day .... it does wonders for mental and physical health ... your brain is on overload and you need a reboot ..... be good to yourself .... you will be fine .... life is short .... as we know ..

Also I find lunch takes ages out of the day & I always create another mess with bits all over so make and freeze Loads sandwiches, get out in morning and defrosted by lunchtime

You aren’t alone @Merryoldgoat. You sound so stressed and tense Cleaner and gardener is a must.

I am just coming out of the other side of a horrible breakdown and I spent most of today sobbing.

I honestly think this Country is heading for a mental health crisis worse than there’s ever been before.

Please try and add 15 mins of “quiet time” into the daily schedule or wake up earlier. Give the children a tablet / phone / whatever to play with. Put Kids Netflix on. Leave them to it. Treat them afterwards with a biscuit.

And during that time go and listen to music, sit in the sun, do some mindfulness or watch some YouTube with headphones in.

You NEED to make time for you. I also recommend getting a shower speaker. Make shower time YOUR time. And enjoy it. This helped me - I bought a fancy shower gel & fancy face wash to make it even better. And a new bath sheet towel in your favourite colour.

It’s time to find the enjoyment in small things.

Why do you care what state the house is in? Why do you care probably about 80% of what you busy your day doing? Do what you’ll remember on your death bed. If you work to pay for extras ditch the extras.

Life’s short ditch the crap. We’re early on in a once in 100 year event cut yourself some slack! Trust me focus on the important stuff

We’re working full time, dh at home but me in the local hospital. Cleaner can’t come as she has dc at home. We have 3dds and it’s exhausting and guilt-ridden. We had a gardener come in last week to sort the garden as it had gone beyond us and I’ve purchased 2 hoovers - dh told the dc it’s my new hobby (jokingly) but seriously the constant mess because everyone is home drives me nuts. I’m lucky enough to go to work but I come home to mess everywhere. Last Saturday I sat in the garden with a thick blanket and when dh asked what I was doing I just said “there is literally no where I can sit in the house without feeling stressed!”

I’m looking forward to Friday. Guilt of not doing enough schooling will be over and dc can just play.

OP. Brilliant re the weight loss, by the way, that's fantastic.

Take care of yourself, everyone needs a break and kids can be relentless, no matter how lovely they are.

Sorry, no advice, just joining the moan

OP I am just in awe you've lost that weight at this time. Genuinely.

Just take that phenomenal energy and willpower, keep things ticking over, then tackle the other things one at a time.

Well done, you are doing great. 💐

It is tough.

Perhaps sit down with your DH and schedule in some alone time for just you, even if half an hour to go for a walk while the kids watch TV after dinner. You need it in order to be a better parent - not to mention for the sake of your own wellbeing. And you deserve a break!

@Oaktree55

Why do you care what state the house is in? Why do you care probably about 80% of what you busy your day doing? Do what you’ll remember on your death bed. If you work to pay for extras ditch the extras.

Life’s short ditch the crap. We’re early on in a once in 100 year event cut yourself some slack! Trust me focus on the important stuff

Because I find the mess suffocating. I’m not by any means a massive cleaning enthusiast - it just feels like chaos and it hurts my head.

I think part of the issue is the home/work crossover. Whilst I’ve never been especially interested in being overly tidy at home, I’m very organised at work - I’m an accountant and very good at what I do. I’m organised, thorough and competent at work.

The lockdown has just turned everything upside down and I don’t feel like I’m doing ANYTHING well - it’s all half-arsed.

Your cleaner sounds wonderful. Do get her back as soon as possible. You are coping with an impossible workload and it sounds as if you are looking after everyone else and have nothing left for yourself.

You will get through this. I have no advice (apart from get that cleaner back), but am sending love and hugs.

Be kind to yourself for a start, you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed, 99% of the women on Mumsnet know just how you feel and it will get better.

@Thinkingabout1t

Your cleaner sounds wonderful. Do get her back as soon as possible. You are coping with an impossible workload and it sounds as if you are looking after everyone else and have nothing left for yourself.

You will get through this. I have no advice (apart from get that cleaner back), but am sending love and hugs.

My cleaner IS wonderful - we call her ‘the angel’

I was home ill one day so I told her to leave the living room where I’d nested. I eclected her to go home early (absolutely fine) but instead she weeded my front garden and cleaned the oven

OP - firstly be kind to yourself, spend time even if it’s just 15 minutes as day doing something for you ( speak to your DP about this if you can), can you just get away for that short time to recharge a bit? You cannot pour from an empty cup - Self care is so important .
It sounds to me like you are doing a great job in what are , let’s face it, fairly unprecedented times! I feel like I cannot get away from working now we are all at home, and I am working longer than I ever have, consequently things have slipped massively on the housework front.
I have two older teens, not young like you, they don’t ‘need’ me really but through lockdown with 4 of us here, the house has become a tip, I haven’t ironed since about middle of May 😳 and the house is a bit grubby. With younger dc you have a far harder job than me ! In that time you have lost 2 stone though, which is great. I second the suggestion for some multi vitamins and minerals, we are all a bit run down I think.

I am just coming out of the other side of a horrible breakdown and I spent most of today sobbing.

I honestly think this Country is heading for a mental health crisis sad worse than there’s ever been before.

Well i reckon it will have a bit of one but from some legal friends it seems a divorce tumsuami is far more likley;!

OP well done of the weight loss:) do look on the bright side as well, sometimes accounts peeps find that a shade difficult to do;!

Well mine does!

Have you tried managing the kids time better? I found this to be key especially with ASD - it’s a royal pain to set up and it is not easy - but a really good routine that suits both that also gives you that essential alone time - also all meals a week in advance - no one to get food from the kitchen except you and DH - breakfast and lunch are simple...

I work from home and have 2 kids and ZERO help - both high needs - and a good routine has been my absolute savior. You have to work with the kids - as in start a routine around what they want to do /naturally do - focus on parts of the day where you give them full attention - even for half an hour - and put this in the routine - put activities that you know they will probably do - include outside fresh air -

It’s a bit like the Sound of Music - honestly routine is the key out of chaos! Trust me!

OP, just read through your first and last post.

Well done on the weight loss.
Don’t worry about home schooling.

Out house is also a tip but I don’t care.As long as I have clean surface to make food and eat it at the table without 100’s of toys/books things smeared from previous meal.

We sometimes run the hoover round and manage to keep at the top of washing.

Younger DC has ASD and he’s the worst mess maker.

This pandemic turned everybody’s life upside down.

You’re doing well.

Hugs and “everybody’s fed,nobody’s dead” at the end of the day counts. Your mental health is more important than immaculate house.

I actually take a LOT of supplements because I suffer quite badly from tiredness (always have since childhood):

Multivitamin
High dose Vit D (I am deficient)
Glucosamine
Fish oil
B-Complex

Plus my raft of medication

@MyTearsAreOnFire are you ok? Do you have support? I cried pretty much every day for months when my PND was at its worst. I had a terrible breakdown at the doctor and it was a turning point for me but I still have really bad days over a year later.

If your DH has time to exercise each day can you not get out for a walk on your own every day? Or for a coffee a few x a week?
You need a break by the sounds of it.
Definitely get people over to help out if you can afford it.
Or could the kids go to a CM 2 days a week instead of one?