To ask how the fuck you do it?

[Merryoldgoat]

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

@RedCatBlueCat

Sorry, just seen you've recently lost your grandmother. My mantra isnt particularly appropriate in that case. So sorry.

No, it is. It wasn’t COVID related and she was very ill. I am very sad of course but she was suffering so badly I feel a sense of relief for her

Wow @Merryoldgoat you've lost 2 stone during lockdown, well done to you, that's amazing! and you're wfh and keeping your kids occupied as well as likely cooking and tidying in between - look at all that! stop being so hard on yourself and please don't ask how others are doing it - you simply can't compare as every household, every child, every job, every house and garden all have different dynamics and needs - you sound like you're doing alright to me - look at the positivies: the stuff you're achieving. The list of to-dos will get done in time, keep going with your diet for your health and try and relax at the weekends.

I'm utterly exhausted. I’m not keeping on top of anything either.

I don't work, I have no kids and I'm supposed to be writing but haven't written anything for months.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is hanging in there.

My DH and adult stepson are driving me absolutely mad and I can't be arsed to do any laundry.

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking YEAR.

I’m ready to bang my head on the wall.

During lockdown I’ve managed to GAIN 2 stone (very bad as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to declutter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything. I'm having to store the gardening equipment in my CAR because our FOUR sheds are already so full of crap!

I want to chuck DH and son out of the house and be alone and not talk to anyone at all.

As far as I'm concerned, you are fantastic and doing an amazing job!

Well done for losing 2 stone in lockdown. That is amazing.

You have so much to juggle. I would feel exactly the same.

Some great advice up thread. You aren’t a machine so you need more support. No one could juggle all that

I bet you’ve achieved more than you think. You could write a list - even things that seem really little. Like you I feel I’m constantly chasing my tail and failing. But I wrote everything I’ve done down recently and it did help a bit. I have included emotional stuff too like the fact I had to confront my fear of video calls. The fact I’ve got used to sorting the living room just about enough to not be mortified at DS doing his tap class on zoom. You’ve tried homeschooling and then you’ve observed that your children’s well-being was being damaged, so you made the healthy choice to step back. You’ve LOST TWO STONE! That is amazing.

I would so love to be really sorted by now but no, we are still a mess. However... I have got rid of stuff. I’ve made decisions and I’ve sorted the odd thing - the fact it’s not more doesn’t negate what I have done, you know?

I just don’t get how people manage life generally. In some ways I’m better in lockdown as I was really on the edge before and at least some outside pressures have gone like having to travel here and there for after school clubs. But lockdown is hard, the lack of alone time is really bad for my MH.

Raising a family with SN is hard. It is easy to forget because we are living it IYSWIM? But all the extra support my DCs need really add up.

Their ASD/ADHD comes from me, it turns out, and my main struggles are with executive function, so all this keeping house stuff just blows my mind. Meds have helped a bit. I can tell they’re wearing off because this post is all over the place, sorry but anyway, I’m sorry you are stressed, please be kind to yourself and try and celebrate what you have achieved, the rest will happen in time.

@FlamedToACrisp

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time - life is so hard right now.

I struggled when mine were that age and they didn't have SEN.

You sound amazing OP (and lots of others on here do too).

I would see if you can increase the dose of your ADs. I started on some a few weeks into Covid and it really helped.

And all the other advice you're getting.

Someone once said something that really resonated with me and that was that the only thing Womens' Lib did for women was to give them two full time jobs!

Badly that's how. Very similar situation to you and it's impossible. Feeling equally overwhelmed and fed up.

You poor cow. Chin up

Ok. I’ve read through the thread again. Thank you all for support and kind words.

I’m going to:

Get the cleaner back
Make time for exercise
Have a better routine for older DS
Try wearing our clothes more often
Do a laundry load every day

I’ll leave it there for this week and see if I feel able I can do other bits and pieces.

Honestly, I really appreciate the kindness about the weight loss but I’m still SO fat. It’s a great start but I’m the same dress size, still have a double chin and look awful. Hopefully some exercise will help me stick to it.

Download the organised mum method app
Seriously it saved my sanity
Kitchens are mental I just leave it till night time and clean ir then

@OhTheRoses

You poor cow. Chin up

Actually laughed out loud - thank you

@Nanalisa60

Get a cleaner and a gardener, if you feel the house is a real mess get a organiser in get the house sorted the get a cleaner every week.

This is a thing? How does it work? Someone organises your stuff? How do they know what to do with it?

It is hard with small dcs and work, especially at the moment.
I do a load of washing a day so it doesn't pile up. My trick is to sort it in the evening so whoever gets up first only has to switch the machine on then it's done by the time we've had breakfast and we can peg it out to dry. I also put it away as soon as it's dry so a load gets put away every day too. Apart from DH's work shirts which he does himself nothing is ironed.
Good luck sorting everything. It will get better.

@Gre8scott

Download the organised mum method app Seriously it saved my sanity Kitchens are mental I just leave it till night time and clean ir then

I normally do this but as I’m working in ours I can’t leave it - it feels awful working around the mess.

How can 2 year old have ASD?

OP it sounds hard. I hope your plans make things a bit easier for you and you should definitely be getting the same amount of downtime as your OH.

@BessMarvin

This is a thing? How does it work? Someone organises your stuff? How do they know what to do with it?

I don’t know but I’m intrigued - maybe like a Marie Kondo thing? I think I could do it if I was left alone for long enough...

Can you put locks on bedroom/kitchen/other room doors, so the dc just cant get into rooms out of your eyesight to make a mess. I put hook eye latches right up in the top corners so the dc couldnt get at them. Then what can you do to re structure the living room so that they cant empty ever drawer?. Can you turn furniture to the wall, store most stuff somewhere else and leave the drawers empty or some other strategy. Im a big believer in setting up a space so that they just cant cause chaos, or at least it is minimized as much as possible. It might mean the rooms look weird for a few years, but if it helps you, then who cares.

@randomer

How can 2 year old have ASD?

My 7YO has ASD. The 2yo is in the process of being assessed.

He has significant speech delay and other symptoms which strongly suggest he is on the spectrum.

My older boy, though high-functioning, was obviously autistic to me from early on - well before 2 although no diagnosis was possible until 5.

There are many indicators that can be present from very early. Whilst a diagnosis isn’t possible you can have suspicions and having one autistic child I’m fairly sure the younger is too.

Why the skepticism?

I might be wrong but I would avoid upping the ADs. I have significant mental health problems (Bipolar/anxiety) and have done for over 30 years. I have spent years working out the best things to help myself and meds can help BUT only after giving a really good go at:

1. Exercise. (bonus of helping with the weight loss and even better if can find a friend to go with) If I don't do some form of exercise everyday I honestly go very quickly down hill. If I do no cardio I need to have at least two walks.
2. Low GI food. Stops those sugar highs and lows

with the house mine was properly terrible so over 6 months I de-cluttered. The kids werent playing with half their toys anyway and play so much better with much less of it.
This website was fucking amazing:
www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Baby steps.
And 2 stone!!! That's so impressive in the middle of a pandemic. If you can do that you can do the rest.
And it;s only 52 days until September. Not that I'm counting. ( I've had 1 and half hours alone in my house since March. They were amazing)

@SeaToSki

Can you put locks on bedroom/kitchen/other room doors, so the dc just cant get into rooms out of your eyesight to make a mess. I put hook eye latches right up in the top corners so the dc couldnt get at them. Then what can you do to re structure the living room so that they cant empty ever drawer?. Can you turn furniture to the wall, store most stuff somewhere else and leave the drawers empty or some other strategy. Im a big believer in setting up a space so that they just cant cause chaos, or at least it is minimized as much as possible. It might mean the rooms look weird for a few years, but if it helps you, then who cares.

This wouldn’t work for us as our house is a bit of an odd layout.

It’s actually one of the causes I Think. We have a massive living room which separate from the kitchen. We love it but the issue is only having one ‘reception’ room means it’s all on show all the time.

If I had a dining room I could shove all the toys in I think I’d not care.

@randomer -

My son was diagnosed by 2 years old as having autism and a global development delay and a speech and language delay.

By that point he had been seen by 2 child paediatricians, speech and language therapist, occupational therapists among other people.

He was 2 years and 5 months old to be exact. Clearly all the professionals were right considering he’s still non verbal and has severe autism now at the age of 7, goes to a sen school with a ehcp. So that’s how, it can be picked up by 2 very easily.

might be wrong but I would avoid upping the ADs. I have significant mental health problems (Bipolar/anxiety) and have done for over 30 years. I have spent years working out the best things to help myself and meds can help BUT only after giving a really good go at:

1. Exercise. (bonus of helping with the weight loss and even better if can find a friend to go with) If I don't do some form of exercise everyday I honestly go very quickly down hill. If I do no cardio I need to have at least two walks.
2. Low GI food. Stops those sugar highs and lows

with the house mine was properly terrible so over 6 months I de-cluttered. The kids werent playing with half their toys anyway and play so much better with much less of it.
This website was fucking amazing:
www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Baby steps.
And 2 stone!!! That's so impressive in the middle of a pandemic. If you can do that you can do the rest.
And it;s only 52 days until September. Not that I'm counting. ( I've had 1 and half hours alone in my house since March. They were amazing)