Is being a short man equivalent to a women who is overweight?

[DreamChaser23]

i had this discussion with someone and I feel there is some truth in it.

Men who are overweight get away a lot more than women who are overweight I.e. relationships aren't as negatively affected compared to women.

And short women in height don't suffer as much as short men. Just look at how the media made people believe that most ideal men are meant to be tall over 6 feet. When in reality the average height of men is around 5 foot 9 IN the US and 5 foot 10 UK.

Being a short man and a women who is overweight does make it harder when it comes to relationships

@ExtremelyBoldSquirrels

If you look at threads on MN about dating, you'll find loads of women who refuse to even consider short (or even average) men. You get women who are 5'2 claiming they'd never date anyone under 6'. It's really common. People put this stuff on online dating profiles.

And it's probably more socially acceptable to say out loud than it would be if a man were to explicitly say he doesn't like overweight women. Certainly that wouldn't go down well on MN.

Absolutely. I’m 5ft 1 and happen to be married to DH who is 6ft 1 but height isn’t an issue for me. My lovely dad is 5ft 3.

I do see what you mean OP.

I would see more of an equivalence with being a very large built, broad woman though rather than necessarily overweight (I'm quite big boned myself and feel like a physical mismatch with slighter guys).

I think it's about not being the archetypal 'ideal' size or shape for either sex whereas being overweight gets judged for different reasons (lazy etc). I was until recently pretty overweight too so am speaking from experience.

Whilst there are many women who prefer a shorter man, and men who find a strongly built woman very sexy, i feel that very generally speaking it might narrow the field a bit to shorter women and larger men respectively to keep the expected balance.

That said, for men the 'dad bod' seems to be pretty popular (I understand it to mean generally strong and fit, carrying a bit extra but not hugely overweight, a shunning of the fashionable gym body). There isn't really an equivalent for women as far as I have seen.

Most women do prefer tall men

I really don't. I'm 5'7" and, in an ideal world, I like men who are between 5'8" and 5'10". But .... they've got to be ripped to shreds. I don't like any sort of excess fat.

Different strokes and all that

@Bluntness100

Think you’ve hit a nerve op.

And you have a point, many women do look for taller men, and many men prefer slimmer women. These are well known facts.

And faux wided eyed “ prove it gov “ is just silly.

Is “you’ve hit a nerve” the new “you’re all just jealous”? 🙄 Try engaging with the actual discussion.

Can’t you see that equating (extremely hard to modify) height with excess weight is irrational and unkind?

I'm often shocked by how nasty men are about overweight women, but honestly, some women are equally brutal about short men.

It is very true. I've asked many friends who are guys that are short. Two things stuck out

1. seen as 'cute' and don't really get called attractive but would if they were 6 foot

2. "you are too short for me" bear in mind these girls are 5-6 inches shorter than the guy

I can’t believe anyone is trying to deny that generally men prefer slimmer women. When my sister was going OLD many men had “no fatties” on their profiles and she was complimented frequently for putting up full length pics and being slim because so many men had been deceived by over weight women only putting up face pictures to disguise they were fat, also seen it on the relationships board, liking bigger women is seen as a fetish , why do you think that is? Bbw etc, so don’t deluded yourself. And I say this as someone who is fat. Same for women and tall men, there are frequent post from women on here saying a man is great in every way but he is too short so it’s a deal breaker, never seen it the other way round and complaining a man is too tall

@PumpkinP very true. Men are very judgemental when it comes to weight. And women can be judgemental when it comes to height even though the guy in question is 5 inches taller

@PumpkinP

I can’t believe anyone is trying to deny that generally men prefer slimmer women. When my sister was going OLD many men had “no fatties” on their profiles and she was complimented frequently for putting up full length pics and being slim because so many men had been deceived by over weight women only putting up face pictures to disguise they were fat, also seen it on the relationships board, liking bigger women is seen as a fetish , why do you think that is? Bbw etc, so don’t deluded yourself. And I say this as someone who is fat. Same for women and tall men, there are frequent post from women on here saying a man is great in every way but he is too short so it’s a deal breaker, never seen it the other way round and complaining a man is too tall

I did OLD and only had face photos. I had a couple guys ask for full length photos as they’d ‘fallen’ for photos before where the lovely face photos belonged to ‘fatties’.

Can’t you see that equating (extremely hard to modify) height with excess weight is irrational and unkind?

She clearly meant it as in being off putting to many other partners. And let’s face it she’s right. She wasn’t getting into the biology of it.

Is it unkind, I can see why some folks would perceive it that way yes. Does this make it untrue, no.

Personality wise, short men generally = "Karen"

Irrational and unkind? Yes. Untrue? No.

Attraction is attraction - I’m bottom end of normal bmi range with quite large breasts so (arguably) within conventional mainstream female attractiveness parameters and I like shorter chubbier fair haired or ginger men - tall dark and toned doesn’t really do it for me?

Maybe it’s opppsites attract or as I had a difficult relationship with my mother I have a theory that I like “maternal” forms?

Really if you look at people in or out of relationships or dating “successfully” or not it’s a holistic picture - in general I think liking who you are and being honest and realistic in dating about what you can attract is a good start?

I get the vibe some people get caught up in “getting” a type of person to make a point and they seem to struggle the most?

I mean I’m an attractive geek, I’m not going to necessarily attract the cool sportsman with a yacht but I know my “market”?

I mean yes a 6’4 rugby playing investment banker or a supermodel might get more attention but also unless you want to be Hugh Hefner or need to make a living from your looks you don’t need that?

I know a couple where the woman is a six foot burlesque model and dancer and her husband is 5'4" and a bit weird looking. They're absolutely crazy in love. It's like Roger and Jessica Rabbit. It's honestly one of the most heartwarming things I've ever seen.

I do think in general women prefer taller men in the same way men prefer women who aren’t overweight, yes.

I did OLD and only had face photos. I had a couple guys ask for full length photos as they’d ‘fallen’ for photos before where the lovely face photos belonged to ‘fatties’.

Yep! My sister is a size 8/10 and found it hilarious that men were applauding her for having a full length pic up and being slim, like it was rare, obviously a lot of men have had it happen!

I've never found being short an obstacle in dating. Yeah some people don't like it, plenty do. People tend to be quite upfront if they don't like it. On OLD for example. I don't know how it compares to being an overweight woman because I've never been one.

Some women, and quite alot of men, get a bit fetishy about really small men, but I believe that to be the case with overweight women as well, and tbh knowing that's why someone is into you hasn't ever bothered me

@RedRedWines

Peoples height isn’t a choice though so they aren’t really comparable.

I don’t think many overweight people think ‘well I know it’s healthier and every media image I have ever seen in my life had put pressure on me to be thin but I’m going to choose to be fat’. I think the fact you came on here just so say that is disgustingly smug.

You can't change your height but you can lose weight so I don't think they are comparable.

Both of these factors are studies as evolutionary biases tied to "reproductive success". Here's one citation for the weight issue:

Evolutionary Theories and Men's Preferences for Women's Waist-to-Hip Ratio: Which Hypotheses Remain? A Systematic Review

I'll dig out one for the male height issue in a bit, but that's well documented too.

I m 5ft 3 and I’m currently dating a guy who is about 5ft 6. I can look him in the eyes when we hug and I don’t have to tiptoe to kiss him.
Tall guys have never been my thing

@Bluntness100

Can’t you see that equating (extremely hard to modify) height with excess weight is irrational and unkind?

She clearly meant it as in being off putting to many other partners. And let’s face it she’s right. She wasn’t getting into the biology of it.

Is it unkind, I can see why some folks would perceive it that way yes. Does this make it untrue, no.

It’s so outmoded to assume we all adhere to societally-mandated sexual preferences, though. Like something from the 1970s.

I think that’s why OP is getting so many bemused and outraged responses, and it makes your “touched a nerve” response look very odd.

I kinda agree, I've always thought that women saying they're only into tall men is shallow, like men saying they only like blonde women with large breasts or something

If you are looking for a long term relationship, what is the point in dating somebody you don't fancy?

I prefer tall, well built men with broad shoulders. I've dated all shapes and sizes. They were all 'nice', but something was missing. I married a tall, well built man with broad shoulders.

Does that make me shallow?

My dad is 5’4” and looked like Cliff Richard in his youth. My mum said the women were all over him. She considers herself very lucky.

Hmmm no. Easier for overweight women to get boyfriends as so many women are overweight that if it was a deal breaker most men would be single forever.