Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is being a short man equivalent to a women who is overweight?

336 replies

DreamChaser23 · 09/07/2020 17:03

i had this discussion with someone and I feel there is some truth in it.

Men who are overweight get away a lot more than women who are overweight I.e. relationships aren't as negatively affected compared to women.

And short women in height don't suffer as much as short men. Just look at how the media made people believe that most ideal men are meant to be tall over 6 feet. When in reality the average height of men is around 5 foot 9 IN the US and 5 foot 10 UK.

Being a short man and a women who is overweight does make it harder when it comes to relationships

OP posts:
BluebellForest836 · 10/07/2020 08:48

It's not always true

But it’s mostly true... there will always be exceptions.

Iv had a man that was 5’10 ask me to not wear heels before as with heels we would match height wise.

The vast majority of short men have a complex. I have a work friend who is 5’5 and he constantly brings it up and makes jibs about it.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 10/07/2020 08:48

For example asking the woman not to wear heels, making comments about the woman's height, having short man syndrome syndrome. It's not always true

Its definitely not always true, but I said that and that has been my experience of dating men shorter than me (5'10"). When youve dated a string of men who make comments like this, you get really flipping fed up of it (not to mention, it feels really controlling) and so thats when I switched to only dating men taller than me. Of all the tall men I have dated not one has even made mention of my height. Thats compared to every single man I dated who was shorter than me.

Pelleas · 10/07/2020 08:52

No. It's far easier for a man who doesn't fit the conventional definitions of attractiveness to find a woman. It's not an unusual sight to see an attractive woman with a much less attractive man. Women are more likely to value qualities such as stability, loyalty and sense of humour. There are also some women who will attach themselves to anyone who is rich and successful, so if a short man can do well in life, he'll have his pick of those types, if he wants them.

MsTSwift · 10/07/2020 08:54

I read primally men like taller women as they will have taller sons

CrunchyCarrot · 10/07/2020 08:57

Nope. My DP is 5'7" and has never had any issue finding girlfriends (he was a handsome young man and is still attractive now). I am 5'10.5" and so am quite a bit taller than him (I have never worn heels but that's not the reason why). I don't think my DP would care if I did wear heels, he's not intimidated by my height. We've been together over 20 years!

HappyPear · 10/07/2020 09:00

People may "prefer" a variety of socially mandated characteristics, but how many of us are supermodels? There's no shortage of married short, fat people. I see an array of not very conventionally attractive men in relationships all the time. Perhaps there's more to life than how people look.

Maybe a better comparison is short men with very tall women. I can't imagine many 5'11" men actively seeking out a 6'2" woman (and I know a few).

SerenDippitty · 10/07/2020 09:02

And also there seems to be a bit of a stereotype around short men having a complex about thier height as a pp has said. For example asking the woman not to wear heels, making comments about the woman's height, having short man syndrome syndrome. It's not always true

Yes if short men express themselves strongly or show they are ambitious they will be described as having a Napoleon complex.

I can understand tall women not wanting to date someone shorter than themselves but when petite women are only interested in six footers I’m just a bit Hmm. Is a tall man seen as a bit of a trophy? Like a model would be for some men?

My DB is 5 7 and his wife is 6ft. They are very happy together!

Heidi1976 · 10/07/2020 09:03

I am small, 5 foot 3. I've had partners ranging from average height to 6 foot 2 ish. I wouldn't generally look to date a 'short guy', primarily because I like an arms round neck cuddle which you can't get from shorter men. However, after years of having the 'what's your type' conversation with people, I realised physically I didn't have one when it comes to relationships. Definitely about personality for me. Being hot is a bonus. However I do have a physical type for initial attraction, if that makes sense.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 10/07/2020 09:03

I think overweight women carry weight and can pull it off a lot better than men tbh. There's a lot more flattering clothing choices for a start.

Chanjer · 10/07/2020 09:07

People talking about people being short at 5'7" 🙈

BluebellForest836 · 10/07/2020 09:19

A man at 5’7 is short.

5’7 isn’t short for a women

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 10/07/2020 09:24

People talking about people being short at 5'7"

Well yes, because surely this depends on where you live? In the UK the average height for a man is 5'9" so yes, it is below average height.
When I visited Sweden, the men were like giants there (it was heaven!) so 5'7" would definitely be considered short there.

In countries where average height for men is 5'6" (eg China) then no, it wouldnt be short.

GoddamnGodBless · 10/07/2020 10:01

Dating is not an exercise in equal opportunities, therefore a woman who does not want to date a short man should never make herself date a short man. A man who does not want to date an overweight woman should not make himself date an overweight woman. Saying anything else is coercive and rapey.

CrunchyCarrot · 10/07/2020 10:01

In countries where average height for men is 5'6" (eg China) then no, it wouldnt be short.

Exactly. My DP is part Asian and when he visits his relatives he is the tall one! But over here, he is shorter than all his male friends.

Personally I have always preferred slightly shorter men, I feel intimidated by tall men, I don't know where that comes from, but am far more comfortable with a shorter guy.

Chanjer · 10/07/2020 10:06

I meant in the context of being really small and listening to people talk about someone i consider tall being short

Generally I like being short and don't think about it. I have to ask for people to get things down for me in shops in the shops sometimes and the sport I play people point it out to me alot that if I could just reach further it would be easier Grin but aside from stuff like that it doesn't really play on my mind

But it's interesting reading a thread about this and thinking about it for a change

IwishIhadaMargarita · 10/07/2020 10:25

I’m overweight and it’s never held me back when dating. I’m a size 18 but I’m tall so maybe that helps.

ididntmeanit · 10/07/2020 10:34

My BF is shorter than me- and gorgeous and very good in bed.

We are all the same height when we are lying down 🙂

zafferana · 10/07/2020 10:47

I just think it's a disadvantage to an outlier to the average. So if you are significantly taller/shorter, fatter/thinner than the average then you stand out and people notice that difference and need to mentally 'overcome' it, unless it's a look that they immediately find appealing. Some will genuinely not be bothered about appearances, but most of us are attracted to certain looks.

I don't find tall men attractive, if I'm honest. Over 6ft is too big for me. I had a guy who was about 6'4" who relentlessly pursued me back when I was single and I just found him physically a big turn off. He was just too big, too broad, too tall, too everything - not my type at all! Similarly, a really skinny guy really liked me and I didn't fancy him either, despite him being a very nice guy who I had good conversations with. You fancy what you fancy and those preferences are often dictated by the people you grew up around, their heights, builds, etc.

SerenDippitty · 10/07/2020 10:52

Dating is not an exercise in equal opportunities

I don’t think anyone is saying it is. It’s just a shame if people allow unchangeable physical attributes to blind them to otherwise really good qualities in a potential date/relationship. Or to see a short man as something less than manly which is what it comes down to really.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 10/07/2020 10:56

It’s just a shame if people allow unchangeable physical attributes to blind them to otherwise really good qualities in a potential date/relationship

But men do this all the time with women! Hence the number of people on this thread saying when OLD they see profiles saying "no fatties" (their words not mine!) etc.

I guess I'm just sick of women being told to compromise on physical attraction, when men never do.

lazylinguist · 10/07/2020 11:00

It’s just a shame if people allow unchangeable physical attributes to blind them to otherwise really good qualities in a potential date/relationship.

Nobody should get into a relationship with anyone who doesn't have good qualities. But physical attraction isn't teally based on that, and it's beyond our control. Are you suggesting that people should date someone they're not attracted to, just because they're nice?

Raella50 · 10/07/2020 11:03

It’s just a shame if people allow unchangeable physical attributes to blind them to otherwise really good qualities in a potential date/relationship

Not really, no. You don’t have to put up with anything in dating. You can have whatever preferences/ vetoes you want and no that isn’t a shame. It’s bloody fabulous to be free to date who you want.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 10/07/2020 11:07

@Raella50

I agree! Dating someone whom you dont really fancy, just because theyre "nice" or have good qualities is a terrible idea, its basically pity dating. I would HATE someone to date me who didnt really find me attractive, what a massive turn off. Everyone deserves someone who fancies them like mad. Relationships are hard enough when you have great chemistry, if you dont, its virtual impossible long term.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 10/07/2020 11:09

I must admit that I wouldn’t choose to date an overweight/obese man. I’ve never had any issue with short men though (I’m 5’10 and always within the normal weight range for context).

SerenDippitty · 10/07/2020 11:24

Again I'm not saying people should date people they don't fancy, only that if you have really strict criteria about what you do and don't find attractive you may miss out. Seems really arbitrary to rule someone out because of height. I don't mind short men but would not rule out dating a tall man if I otherwise find him attractive. But height is a long way from being at the top of my list.

And yes men are equally guilty of this.