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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not a holiday for me!

146 replies

PrettyTricky · 09/07/2020 15:11

We are lucky enough to have a small second home in the UK that we are now able to travel to. Emphasis on small, it’s tiny.

Our holiday abroad was cancelled and DH is touting this as a lovely holiday, all the while I’m thinking - it’s not a bloody holiday for me, it’s just same shit different (and much more cramped) place.

I’ve spent ages packing for us all as we’re off for nearly a month - DH is very busy at work so he’s not been much help and is rather stressed. While we are away he will be working remotely for half the ‘holiday’, so I’m going to have to clean the house and make up the beds when we arrive, sort the shopping - have already got a click and collect offered, do all the cooking and laundry. Everything I want to get away from on a holiday! I might as well be at home - at least I’d have more space and home comforts.

We don’t even have a tv there! We’re not going to go out to eat as we normally do - I’m not really comfortable to go to restaurants yet, and I’m sitting here almost dreading it.

I fear it’s going to be the exact opposite of a relaxing break and I may be climbing the walls. At least we will have some nice walks and different scenery I suppose.

AIBU to think that this isn’t really a holiday at all?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/07/2020 15:13

Your dh needs to do more and share jobs with you

AryaStarkWolf · 09/07/2020 15:13

YANBU, why did you agree to it?

DonLewis · 09/07/2020 15:14

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Holothane · 09/07/2020 15:15

I refuse to do self catering that is not a holiday.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/07/2020 15:16

I refuse to do self catering that is not a holiday.

I don't mind it but then my husband isn't a useless asshole who thinks I'm the hired help so........

rosiethehen · 09/07/2020 15:18

No, that's not a holiday. A B&B with eating out each evening would even be an improvement.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 09/07/2020 15:19

Send him with the kids & you stay at home & have a break in comfort 😁

minipie · 09/07/2020 15:19

Well YANBU but I do wonder why you own the place if you don’t enjoy going there?

23trains · 09/07/2020 15:19

Why do you have to go?

thistimelastweek · 09/07/2020 15:19

Why exactly do you have this second home ?

Nquartz · 09/07/2020 15:21

@AryaStarkWolf

I refuse to do self catering that is not a holiday.

I don't mind it but then my husband isn't a useless asshole who thinks I'm the hired help so........

Me too, we take it in turns making picnics etc, he tidies the kitchen/wipes sides etc & we take it in turns 'cooking' (ie chucking a pizza in the oven)
YenniferOfVengeberg · 09/07/2020 15:21

Send him. You have a break at home

sillysmiles · 09/07/2020 15:23

I assume you OP enjoys it in normal times, but at the moment DH isn't helping, is working for part of the holiday and they can't get out and go to restaurants as normal.

TBH I think it sounds terrible! But the issue is your DH treating you like a skivy rather than the holiday home.

Hardbackwriter · 09/07/2020 15:25

I agree that it all sounds a bit shit. I've noticed that this seems to be a particular problem for SAHMs and self-catering holidays - if your usual division is one works and one does all the domestic stuff it is wildly unfair to expect that to extend into a holiday so that one of you gets a break and the other one actually just carries on doing their 'job' - but it seems to be a pattern that a lot of couples fall into.

ShyTown · 09/07/2020 15:27

If your DH can’t even take the time off work and isn’t willing to pull his weight then I agree it sounds shit and I wouldn’t go.

Alsohuman · 09/07/2020 15:28

@minipie

Well YANBU but I do wonder why you own the place if you don’t enjoy going there?
I was just wondering the same thing.
billy1966 · 09/07/2020 15:29

OP, I hear you! I am in exactly the same position and not pushed about going away.

Going to a smaller house, admittedly in a lovely setting, but because I am not keen on going to restaurants I will be under pressure to provide food for 6....in a smaller kitchen.

Really not a holiday for me.

I like to eat out.
I also have no wish to be in a smaller space with the family...shoot me!

I am going to give it another couple of weeks and see how I feel.

I actually would like to head off on my own for a couple of days...now that sounds like a holiday!😁

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 09/07/2020 15:29

We only have the place as it’s somewhere to stay when we visit family rather than impose on them. We intended to let it out at one point, but haven’t and are now wondering about selling due to Covid financial stress, long story really.

I’m not working at the moment (my industry badly affected) and DH works really hard and very long hours, so I do most things at home right now. As he’s working remotely, I expect that will continue when we’re away which is making me think that it’s not going to be all fun for me.

Praying for good weather at least!

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 09/07/2020 15:30

Could you not go just for the half that your dh is not working?

The thought of him working whilst you are a) in a small space and b) doing all the work sounds very tricky.

foxtiger · 09/07/2020 15:32

I refuse to do self catering that is not a holiday.

I refuse not to do self-catering!

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 09/07/2020 15:32

I usually really enjoy it, but usually we can send dc off to relatives and get some time to ourselves and go out to lovely places to eat and properly relax.
With all the social distancing requirements dc will be with us and we won’t be eating out.

OP posts:
AldiAisleofCrap · 09/07/2020 15:34

Do you have children?

TakemetoGreeceplease · 09/07/2020 15:35

I don't understand the reason you alone have to make up beds and sort shopping/dinner on arrival. What's the reason your DH can't do one of those jobs? Does he have to start work the second he arrives?

AryaStarkWolf · 09/07/2020 15:35

Could you not go just for the half that your dh is not working?

This. Why can't you be honest with him and say it will be too stressful for you to do everything in a cramped and less comfortable space?

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 09/07/2020 15:35

@Hardbackwriter this is exactly it. I am used to also working and contributing, so this is a weird situation for me. It’s almost like I feel there’s a guilt that I’m not contributing finically and have to compensate by doing absolutely everything at home.
I must emphasise that DH absolutely doesn’t make me feel that way, it’s my own sense of responsibility.
But yes, would be nice to get some time off!

OP posts: