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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not a holiday for me!

146 replies

PrettyTricky · 09/07/2020 15:11

We are lucky enough to have a small second home in the UK that we are now able to travel to. Emphasis on small, it’s tiny.

Our holiday abroad was cancelled and DH is touting this as a lovely holiday, all the while I’m thinking - it’s not a bloody holiday for me, it’s just same shit different (and much more cramped) place.

I’ve spent ages packing for us all as we’re off for nearly a month - DH is very busy at work so he’s not been much help and is rather stressed. While we are away he will be working remotely for half the ‘holiday’, so I’m going to have to clean the house and make up the beds when we arrive, sort the shopping - have already got a click and collect offered, do all the cooking and laundry. Everything I want to get away from on a holiday! I might as well be at home - at least I’d have more space and home comforts.

We don’t even have a tv there! We’re not going to go out to eat as we normally do - I’m not really comfortable to go to restaurants yet, and I’m sitting here almost dreading it.

I fear it’s going to be the exact opposite of a relaxing break and I may be climbing the walls. At least we will have some nice walks and different scenery I suppose.

AIBU to think that this isn’t really a holiday at all?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 09/07/2020 16:13

We've been debating "how to have a holiday".
For us, the biggest thing is that we usually eat out most of the time - when we were young and impoverished, we once opted for "holidaying from home", spending the budget on eating out rather than accomodation.
We're not prepared to do eat out yet, so that means cooking in the rental cottage, which tends to be less pleasant than cooking at home. We could go for a week of M&S/similar ready meals, I guess, and perhaps we'll take turns to do all the work, so each of us gets a break.

For the OP, I think you need to make it clear that you will need a week off from responsibility for food/clothes, and get an agreement on which week that will be.
In a way, going away for a month makes it worse. When it's a week, you can leave work at home completely, and you can postpone laundry to your return - somehow the solid day of loading the washing machine is less disagreeable than the usual regular loads. For a week, you can also worry less about keeping a balanced diet.

PrincessBuggerPants · 09/07/2020 16:14

I think its not a holiday at the moment.

I normally like self-catering holidays but have postponed a camping holiday we were due to have this year to next year, as sourcing food in an unfamiliar part of the UK, in less comfortable surroundings, to go on walks, with the exact same people I have spent lockdown with simply doesn't appeal right now!

I'm hoping it does appeal again one day though as I was really looking forward to this when I booked in January. And I don't even like camping!

MaybeDoctor · 09/07/2020 16:14

YAB a bit U for being negative about it, although I understand that it is different this time.

Even 'tiny' holiday properties can rent out for £600-£700 a week in popular parts of England. It is definitely a nice thing to have one in your possession and be without all the stress of finding one, working out if the location is right, making the booking, arriving somewhere strange at a weird hour...

Quite a few of my friends/acquaintances have holiday homes or family holiday homes they can use. I notice that every one of them has minor moans/complaints about aspects of the location, size or accommodation, but every year they still seem to go there because it is a low cost holiday!

Boredbumhead · 09/07/2020 16:16

Well it's a change of scenery. Make the best of it? To be honest most holidays are not really holidays if you have young kids. You can never really switch off and relax. Someone always needs supervising or feeding or something.

fairislecable · 09/07/2020 16:17

If you have to self cater don’t cook from scratch get lots of luxurious ready meals from M&S.

They are usually in foil trays to bung in the oven and then dispose. Ready made salads and desserts.

Check out if any of the local restaurants are still doing take away.

Is there a barbecue? If so let him do it and serve it with prepared roasted veg.

Remember it’s your holiday too, you don’t have to be a martyr.

ThursdayLastWeek · 09/07/2020 16:19

You’re right mans and doesn’t sound like much of a holiday at all.
Why not just sack it off for a year?

I live in an area people holiday, and own second homes and it’s barely worth travelling to IMO right now.

EerieSilence · 09/07/2020 16:19

Can't you get a cleaning help to do the cleaning for you?

Northernsoulgirl45 · 09/07/2020 16:20

I feel you pain op. I am desperate to get away to the coast and we have booked self catering. But in a way I am dreading it as dh has mobility issues so me and the kids will be loading/unloading the car.
However I refuse to pack for dh even though I only work on the equivalent of 10 hours per week but packed close together mainly . Doing all the housework, cooking, cleaning and homeschooling is enough in addition to this. Especially as 2 of our 3 kids have dome special needs. Currently trying to sort therapy and diagnosis right now.
Holiday is going to feel like same shit different place. But at least I can paddle and we will have more takeaways.

Ellie56 · 09/07/2020 16:20

Compromise and go for the two weeks he's not working. And take the tv with you.

BringPizza · 09/07/2020 16:20

It's not a holiday OP and a few years ago I threw my teddies out of the pram about this to DH- why leave a good family house and try to do domestic bliss in a smaller, less well equipped strange place? Now if we self-cater we live on takeaways or ready meal type things or 'picky bits', I don't do any washing and I don't do the cleaning.

IdblowJonSnow · 09/07/2020 16:21

Why have you let him dictate this?
Get a load of takeaways delivered. Dont do all the chores.
Tell him if he doesn't genuinely pull his weight then you'll be leaving him and the kids to it and go home.
And mean it.
Also maybe you could buggar off for a few hours here and there to go for a walk or get a coffee.
Would you not go for a meal out if you could sit outside in a pub garden or something?

Aesopfable · 09/07/2020 16:25

Having the same argument with my husband. I’ve wanted to sell or long-term let it too but DH likes ‘playing house’ there; he thinks it fun to walk to the tiny little Spar shop to buy food for supper. The kids have grown so playparks no longer appeal and there is nothing for them to do so they hate going there too. Which means DH tends to go on his own and I am left with the kids at home.

Regularsizedrudy · 09/07/2020 16:25

Stop doing all this shit for him

canigooutyet · 09/07/2020 16:27

Suggest that he take the kids. A lot of the hard work as already been done, now he just needs to load it all into the car and off they go.

Alternatively you go and leave them to enjoy their kind of holiday with the kids doing all the grunt work.

You both get the holiday you want. If you really want, spend the last week together.

june2007 · 09/07/2020 16:28

YABU. Cooking when your on holiday is not a big deal and even if you go on a self catering holiday yes you have to do a certain amount of house work. Having no TV normally for me isn,t a problem but for a month I think it is worth getting one.

MidnightCitrus · 09/07/2020 16:33

and buy a TV for the place

Aahhwoof · 09/07/2020 16:35

Have you heard yourself?

Oh weep, I've got to go to my second home and cook food to sustain myself.

'Kim, there's people that are dying'

Kasparovski · 09/07/2020 16:36

We run a holiday let OP...whenever we go there ourselves for a week, I have hopes of a relaxing week - but honestly, in 3 years it has never happened. There are always minor plumbing issues to get fixed, we had a major roof leak in Feb to sort out, wood worm and DH just works remotely from there. This time (we go next week) the fridge is on the blink so will be waiting in for a fridge engineer to turn up. However, we do go the pub, eat out a bit and son goes fishing - so horses for courses. But relaxing paradise - never.

Oblomov20 · 09/07/2020 16:37

My husband does an awful lot. But I still find out caravanning holiday not much of a holiday. I still make beds, cook, was up etc. Where's the appeal?

The80sweregreat · 09/07/2020 16:38

Don't go! It's not a holiday for you.
What will you do while your dh is working ?

DisobedientHamster · 09/07/2020 16:39

YABU for letting him dictate this. You put up with it, well, you get what you deserve.

Kasparovski · 09/07/2020 16:41

In fairness, lots of people have this kind of ‘moan’ about camping, caravan or any self catering type holiday - it comes up regularly during holiday / staycation season. Unless you go to some upmarket all inclusive resort or radically alter your perspective on these hassles then nothing’s dead easy is it?

Prettybubblesintheair · 09/07/2020 16:41

Christ I would not be going unless there was a proper discussion about dividing chores, local take away places numbers found and confirmed open and a bloody tv with Netflix/prime etc! But to be honest if I were you I’d just be staying out!

Prettybubblesintheair · 09/07/2020 16:41

*put

Brefugee · 09/07/2020 16:42

tell him you want to cancel - it sounds awful