To think this is not a holiday for me!

[PrettyTricky]

We are lucky enough to have a small second home in the UK that we are now able to travel to. Emphasis on small, it’s tiny.

Our holiday abroad was cancelled and DH is touting this as a lovely holiday, all the while I’m thinking - it’s not a bloody holiday for me, it’s just same shit different (and much more cramped) place.

I’ve spent ages packing for us all as we’re off for nearly a month - DH is very busy at work so he’s not been much help and is rather stressed. While we are away he will be working remotely for half the ‘holiday’, so I’m going to have to clean the house and make up the beds when we arrive, sort the shopping - have already got a click and collect offered, do all the cooking and laundry. Everything I want to get away from on a holiday! I might as well be at home - at least I’d have more space and home comforts.

We don’t even have a tv there! We’re not going to go out to eat as we normally do - I’m not really comfortable to go to restaurants yet, and I’m sitting here almost dreading it.

I fear it’s going to be the exact opposite of a relaxing break and I may be climbing the walls. At least we will have some nice walks and different scenery I suppose.

AIBU to think that this isn’t really a holiday at all?

Aren't most people in the same boat? As in normal holidays are off

Short cut everything.

Buy ready meals, pre-cooked rice, instant noodles. Go the whole hog - minimum effort for maximum gain. Paper plates (metal cutlery.. no sub for that unfortunately), sleeping bags on beds rather than making them up (I saw them for a tenner in Halfords).

Give the kids all the electronics (get an internet dongle if there's no broadband there), and just let them use them for half the day so you can sit and do whatever you want too.

Honestly I would forget the holiday tbh or else use the time there to do the place up to sell.

Er, it's not a holiday is one of the party is working, is it? It's just living somewhere else. I would only go when he was free to share half the housework shite.

I felt stressed just reading that OP!

It's a change of sencery not a holiday as you said he's doing long stressful hours at work you are doing the equivalent at home so I would say it's equal .
You need something to do while your there presume you have b/band so laptops and tablets .

You can buy a TV surely.

Why does the place have to be so thoroughly cleaned on arrival? Unless it's mucky, leave it.

Husband can join you in bed making.

Buy food that doesn't need much cooking or get takeaways.

Go out in the fresh air if the weather is good.

Do express your misgivings to your husband and get him on board to do his share even if he is working remotely for some of the time.

You've agreed to go, could have said, "No".

In future let the place when you aren't needing it and arrange for someone to clean.

YANBU
I will only ever go on holiday if we eat out or get a takeaway every single day. Nfw am I cooking. I do that every day at home.

Get a telly from the supermarket (and a license). Netflix is £5.99 per month - takes 5 mins to set up. Get fish & chips one night, take a couple of frozen meals, eat in a beer garden, get DH to cook a bit. Lots of places are desperately trying to claw income from the remaining tourist season - you might find quiet a lot is now open for business.

@CoffeeBeansGalore

Send him with the kids & you stay at home & have a break in comfort 😁

absolutely. You would be a mug to go.

I don't think I'd go. There'd have to be enough stuff to do for the children nearby to make the visit worth it. If not, the cramped conditions, no TV and WFH husband would just be worse than home.

Send DH up there to work. Then you follow up with the kids once (and if) he starts his holiday.

Otherwise I'm right with you. Might as well stay at home with all your comforts and get rid of your DH for a fortnight or so

Is it in a gorgeous location? That's the only reason I'd go

Good grief, no way would I go somewhere which is smaller than my own house and have to do everything I usually do at home and call it a "holiday". Its not a holiday is it? its basically the same old routine just in a smaller place!
Yeah, NO. I'm sorry but I would be refusing to go. I'm not spending all that time and effort packing everything only to be having to cook and clean like I would at home. Thats a rubbish "holiday" and I would far rather save money and go later to a proper hotel where I could have a break.

This sums it up exactly:

if your usual division is one works and one does all the domestic stuff it is wildly unfair to expect that to extend into a holiday so that one of you gets a break and the other one actually just carries on doing their 'job' - but it seems to be a pattern that a lot of couples fall into

Fck that.

[quote PrettyTricky]@Hardbackwriter this is exactly it. I am used to also working and contributing, so this is a weird situation for me. It’s almost like I feel there’s a guilt that I’m not contributing finically and have to compensate by doing absolutely everything at home.
I must emphasise that DH absolutely doesn’t make me feel that way, it’s my own sense of responsibility.
But yes, would be nice to get some time off![/quote]
Ah, so you’re being a martyr. Just stop. Get him to make the beds up on arrival while you sort dinner. Alternate mornings one of you gets up with the DC and does breakfast while the other has a lie in. He doesn’t have to work non-stop from sun up to dark surely? It will be possible to divi out the chores.

I think it sounds like it could be fun if the location were really nice.

Personally I'd LOVE to be somewhere other than my house (that I've barely left in 17 weeks!)

Your husband will need to do some chores and you'll need to order some food to be delivered to make it a bit nicer.

If it's in a pretty area I'd go and try and make the best of it.

You martyr yourself, don't expect any medals. Fuck buying a telly and organising that and ready meals and all that shit. Just tell him NO. Give over the guilt.

@Hardbackwriter

I agree that it all sounds a bit shit. I've noticed that this seems to be a particular problem for SAHMs and self-catering holidays - if your usual division is one works and one does all the domestic stuff it is wildly unfair to expect that to extend into a holiday so that one of you gets a break and the other one actually just carries on doing their 'job' - but it seems to be a pattern that a lot of couples fall into.

^^ This. I once heard a SAHM describe self-catering as "It's not a holiday - it's just washing-up with a different view." Sums it up rather well.

@IdblowJonSnow

Why have you let him dictate this? Get a load of takeaways delivered. Dont do all the chores. Tell him if he doesn't genuinely pull his weight then you'll be leaving him and the kids to it and go home. And mean it. Also maybe you could buggar off for a few hours here and there to go for a walk or get a coffee. Would you not go for a meal out if you could sit outside in a pub garden or something?

Exactly this. Don't be so passive op!!

Why are you going for a month if DH will be working for 2 weeks and you won't be seeing the family?
If it was by the sea, I would consider going,maybe only for 2 weeks, on the basis that we have takeaways/ ready meals.
If it's not, then what will you and the DC do all day? And no TV? Why would you do that to yourselves? Get a TV/Netflix and make sure there's decent WiFi.
Doesn't sound like DH has thought it through, how's he going to work remotely with DC in the house and not enough space? Is there somewhere to go everyday the rest of you? Are you going to have keep DC quiet as well as entertain them?
Like I say, for me it would depend very much on location and what there is to do with the DC ( and whether you can afford to do it!).

Making up the beds - that takes what 10 minutes ? Buy lots of ready meals and takeaways if you don't want to cook although putting a frozen pizza in the oven and opening a bag of salad doesn't take much effort.
Other than eating out what do you normally do there?
I have just spent 3 weeks at my mother in law's - so had to do some of the usual 'housework' stuff and cooking etc and look after my asd daughter with very little open except for essential shops. But you know what ? Best 3 weeks I have had in a long time. Just being somewhere different.
If you don't want to go to your second home can I go there for you?

Just go for the two weeks he’s free, then do the home chores together

Easy

Just talk to him

I do think a month is way too long. I love a self-catering holiday but we only have one small child so if we go for a week there is no doing of laundry while there, and we also stay in rentals, which means we keep on top of the cleaning but don't do any deep cleaning in the way you would if it were your property. And DH does half! But you're going to need to do more housework over a month and options like getting loads of takeaways/ready meals and even eating out loads, if that is possible and something you're comfortable with, aren't so viable over a month either.

I really empathise with you OP. I experience the same yearly in our ‘holiday’ home in my husbands country - with the added bonus of entertaining his huge family who call unannounced on a daily basis, (and who NEVER offer to entertain us!) It really is grim. Do you have much freezer space there? You could do a huge batch cook (also exhausting I know) before you leave to at least limit the amount of time spent cooking? Any fancy restaurants nearby doing takeaway?!

YANBU that sounds crap and not a holiday to me. Maybe suggest if he wants to go ahead he does his share and you go out for meals.