So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

We still have very restrictive visiting for all patients who have to attend appointments alone.This is so that we can get as many wards open safely as possible to treat as many people as possible.The backlog and waiting lists are frightening.

3cats - you need to drink a bit more of that cool aid you think we have all been drinking

*Yet, so many people have drank the government's cool-aid and will tell you that it can't be helped.... It's more important that people can go for a pint at the weekend than be there to support each other during medical scans during pregnancy. It's an utter shit-show."

Seriously you aren't even comparing things that are comparable. Having a medical check up isn't the same as going to the pub and so extra precautions are necessary to protect EVERYONE that attends these appointments. If the OP's mental health is so fragile that one missed scan is severe to her mental health then I suggest she immediately contacts her midwife for urgent help. What people are trying to say is there are reasons why the numbers are limited.

For what it's worth I had a cervical smear just over a month ago and a biopsy taken to check for cervical cancer... it was painful and I did it as requested on my own. No biggie I understood perfectly well why I wouldn't take anyone with me. The OP is not due until November perhaps things might relax a little more and maybe next scan nearer the due date she can take along her partner. In the meantime to keep others safe she can show him her pictures/video etc. It's not a massive ask to have just one person there to keep people safe is it?

@Crosswithlifeatm

Indeed. If we all understood why hospital's are limiting people in rather than comparing to going to the pub/beach etc...

Having is a scan is a medical procedure to ensure the baby is growing well that requires a person to be extremely close to you. It's not necessary to have a partner there at all and many women manage to have scans alone. There's sentimentality attached to it which has to be put to one side for the moment. It's not fair to expect the member of staff to have someone else close by for no good reason. They're already risking their lives every day being in a hospital.
People are ill in hospital and dying alone, so having to have a scan by yourself isn't the end of the world.
Pubs are a completely different kettle of fish. It's not the same situation at all. Throughout the duration of the pandemic people have been angry because they haven't been able to enjoy a perceived advantage that someone else has. Like "why can single parents and single people join another household when I can't? I miss my family too". There are good reasons behind this decision whether you agree with them or not.

I agree! I had to attend my 20 week scan alone and got a bad diagnosis it was horrible!

Also same goes for labour! Currently partners are only allowed during "active" labour and then are swiftly sent home again.

For me facing an induction with a high risk birth where we don't know how baby will be after born it is terrifying knowing I will be on my own for most of it. Could really do with DH there just for a hand hold more than anything!

Also from his point of view, imagine having your child born, sent straight to NICU then having to go home and leave your wife in a state only being updated by phone call 🤦🏼‍♀️😭

@Beebee8

It's not just about the risk to other pregnant women in the clinics, it is also about the staff who of course need to be protected too. Who is going to provide your care if all the midwives contract the virus? There isn't a surplus of them waiting to cover.

I know it must be scary, we are TTC after a miscarriage in March and I have terrible anxiety and its daunting to think I may have to go through things alone. But your point about the fathers missing out on these moments is, I'm afraid, insignificant in the face of what is going on.

Do you really think that it reduces much risk though? Especially when you live with your partner so if your partner is unknowingly carrying the virus chances are so are you!

Also it was fine at the start when numbers were rife but if they now deem it safe to open pubs it should be safe enough for partners to go to a scan.

The same doctors and nurses could be going to the pub on the weekend!!

I think you find may partners wouldn't be just popping down to the pub, given the fact that their pregnant partners are highly vulnerable during this pandemic

My partner is working on building sites. He'd have more chance of social distancing in the pub.

I'm pregnant, I have GD, I have growth scans every 4 weeks, diabetic nurse every 2 weeks plus diabetic dr and obstetrician appointments every 4 weeks. Im high risk for pre eclampsia due to issues in last pregancy.

I dont want to sit in waiting rooms with every man and his dog, they're busy enough as it is during GD clinic, there's also other women there for routine scans and appointments.

Not allowing partners is reducing the footfall through the hospital where the most vulnerable people are, surely irs obvious that the more people that attend, the higher the risk of infection is and as another poster pointed out, what if there was an outbreak amongst midwives and obstetricians? There isn't a reserve of staff waiting to step into their place.

The whole situation is shit, but it is what it is and i don't blame trusts for assessing local risks and making decisions based on these.

I attended all of my scans on my own as my H couldn’t get out of work. To be honest at the time I didn’t think it was a biggy.

Thing with pubs people are not checked that they don’t have symptoms. Therefore we have no way of knowing if we are safe in a pub. It’s just not comparable.

I ended up with an emergency C section. Again H couldn’t attend. It was just accepted.

All that stuff about first heartbeat etc is sentimental. Tell that to someone whose parent has died from Covid because people are not social distancing.

This is really difficult and I empathize with pregnant women, it's good at least you can be supported in labour I know it's not ideal and would be great if partners could attend scans, some trusts still see this an unnecessary risk.

I am a frontline nurse and my heart is breaking when patients have died with just me by their side as visitors were not allowed or, the patient's who are now dying because they stayed away from A&E as they were told to.

I myself do not go anywhere I don't need to I wear a mask and self distance, I won't go to the pub/cafe/restaurant as I have seen first hand how awful this virus is. The problem is the virus is still here, it's now thought to be airborne and a department in Hillingdon hospital has just been shut with 70 staff testing positive.

The lack of social distance and non mask wearing from the visitors my trust now allows is staggering. I am a nurse that does not make me immune we also deserve protection as do my vunerable patients.
I wish the public would show some concern for the staff providing care to their loved ones the same way I do for them.

I am glad we now allow visitors but people still try to break the rules, turning up early, more then one sometimes multiple people,not wearing masks etc. This situation will escalate we have all suffered one way or the other. Wrt to mental health I think that will be a problem for the children who have all but been forgotten.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well op.

I work in obstetric sonography and it's actually completely lovely to not have any partners or family/friends interrupting scans or saying stupid things! I hope it carries on longer!

We are over 80 women a day. About 20-30 in the department at one time. Imagine all those women plus partner or anyone else that fancies a day out at the hospital. That makes it impossible to socially distance in most departments.

@YorkshirePud1

You have a lot to think about. Keep safe and have a healthy happy delivery in due course x

I have a hospital appointment with ophthalmology over the phone. Go figure that logic!
Dr "can you read the first line?"
Me "no"

Appointment ends 😂

Mind you the longer this goes on, the harder work everything feels and I just cant be arsed to get back to normal life.

There are two restaurants I want to go to before local lockdown flare up. But even with almost five months of no eating out, getting childcare and public transport - cant be arsed anymore

@Legoandloldolls

I have a hospital appointment with ophthalmology over the phone. Go figure that logic! Dr "can you read the first line?" Me "no"

Appointment ends 😂

Mind you the longer this goes on, the harder work everything feels and I just cant be arsed to get back to normal life.

There are two restaurants I want to go to before local lockdown flare up. But even with almost five months of no eating out, getting childcare and public transport - cant be arsed anymore

Ds had an opthamology appointment over the phone and I thought the same but it ended up being more of a screening to see if he could wait to be seen or he needed to be seen anyway. He had to be seen and it was very well done.

With the specialist dentist I did have to put my phone at his mouth so he could see his teeth though 😂

Btw I do really feel for you. I had a scan where baby was dead. I was alone by choice as I knew I had MC and wanted to do things my way. I had a student teen midwife with me. I felt shit for her. It is shit.

I was High risk consultant led more than once and again mostly went on my own.

But that was MY choice. Your choice has gone and yes that is shit. I think your feelings are valid

I guess it is changing - perhaps trust by trust - because I've just got my appointment letter for my 12 week scan and was very surprised that it says I can bring one adult from the same household with me. I had fully expected it would say I should attend alone.

I just want to stress, although I only covered the scan area of things in my title, this post isnt just about that. I've read alot of replies fixated on this particular point alone but my issue here is not just that, but lack of appointments and also the fact that women can not be accompanied in birth until they are in active labour. Alot of posts here seem to quickly dismiss my view about the scans thinking I'm complaining that my partner cant see my baby and say to get over experiencing it alone. BUT my point towards this wasnt that my partner cant see my little one, athough that does except me, but my problem lies with the fact that it's also a time when people receive bad news and anything can be found. Some women need/want support and I think its only fair to say we are all human and if placed in that position we would want someone to lean on. The same goes for a stressful labour. It's not about us 'wanting' the family to come in to watch the scan unfold , it's about it being a stressful and uncertain time and I'd appreciate if people could not tell me to "stop" feeling this way or "stop being entitled". That is not what I'm doing here. As I said my mum works front line in the NHS and I fear for her safety everyday. To re-clarify I DID NOT have ago at the receptionist as I recognised that would be unfair and it's not them to blame, however I would of and felt I deserve an explanation as to why these restrictions are still a thing, that is not an unreasonable request especially when my appointment letter for my 20 week scan mentioned nothing of the restriction still being in place and I assumed he was okay to come still. This whole "well if the news is bad it's going to be bad regardless if someone is there with you" attitude is disgusting. If it was yourself, or your mum, your sister of your friend you would want them to be able to have someone to hand hold beside them during that difficult time. And for the last time I'm not comparing medical appointments to pubs being open, my point was that if something that holds a greater risk can be allowed, why cant this be allowed. Why cant partners just stay in the car until both are called in. There are ways around this like I said, and the fact that some hospitals are doing this now proves so. I'm just glad from reading some posts on here that when some women received bad news their partners were allowed to the follow up appointments, but that's only for a minority I'm afraid as theres still plenty of us having to go it alone good or bad.

It will not have been anything to do with the receptionist.

YAB MASSIVELY BU

As a pregnant woman, surely you want the hospital to be as safe as possible and be in as little contact with others as you can. Other women bringing their own partners with them would not be ideal.

You want the NHS staff to be as safe as possible too, the less contamination the better.

It's not reasonable to compare with a pub where ultimately you CHOSE to go whilst you really can't avoid hospitals when you need them.

I deserve an explanation as to why these restrictions are still a thing

we are still in the middle of a pandemic, that's why.
Seen what is happening in Australia right now?

@californiasealion and I'm not saying it did! There was the receptionist and nurses/midwives hovering around the desk. I'm sure she would of been able to direct me to someone that could explained the meaning behind these restrictions still. Matter of fact is I didnt ask her, and I'm not blaming the staff present that day. I know they are already under a great amount of pressure and stress and I respect every single nhs staff working for us during this time. They are only following orders. But I'm also allowed to ask why. And the fact that my mum that works for the nhs said I should of as well kind of says it all.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

it'd be nice to see a little sympathy towards the pregnant women who will be mentally suffering through their pregnancy

No one is unsympathetic, but much of society is having their mental health suffer due to the covid restrictions: kids cut off from their education and friends, elderly people stuck at home, working parents trying to home school- everyone is suffering!

I agree, everyone is suffering but this thread is specifically about pregnant women. That is why I'd expect some sympathy on the thread for them instead of whataboutery.

@Dee96 the problem with people waiting in cars to be called is that in many hospitals, it would increase workload significantly as you can’t plan timings for scans. Women are generally booked in in groups for a scan at say, 3pm. 15 will all have a letter with that time on and they are all seen one after another - which is why people complain they had to wait two hours past ‘their’ appointment time.

also, I’ve had (almost) three babies at 3 different hospitals and the car parks are a significant walk away from the scanning department. My hospital now it’s about 10 mins. So you couldn’t wait until the sonography was free to call someone in, you couldn’t call them before the previous scan finished as there is no finite time they take. It would be chaos. And then there is the significant number of people who use public transport or taxis.

I have my 12 week scan tomorrow and have to attend alone - on one hand it'd make a big difference to have DP there as I've had 3 miscarriages (2 MMC) so it's particularly nerve wracking for me. On the other hand, I prefer for there not to be a busy waiting room. Of course he'd love to see the baby on screen but with everything we've been through, just knowing there's a baby with a heartbeat in there will mean the world! It'd be nice if they let us video it though which they say is not allowed.

With the pubs, you can choose whether or not to put yourself in that environment but you can't really choose not to have a scan even if you're vulnerable for other reasons. So, for that reason, I do support whatever measures are possible to reduce the risks.

My local hospital has managed to allow partners. Everyone coming to the hospital must wear a mask and they are required to sanitise their hands as soon as they enter the scan room. My area also has very low covid numbers and the hospital has had none in the last 2 weeks. So I don't understand why others can't implement a similar thing regarding masks.

Well, we’ve gone through this: the more people, the more risk, it really is as simple as that.