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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

290 replies

Dee96 · 07/07/2020 23:08

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

OP posts:
Billyjoearmstrong · 09/07/2020 16:37

Oh @Tigger85, I have no words. Sending you so much love and strength for what you are facing.

I’m very glad your Dh can be with you as he should be. These are exactly the circumstances where the rules for covid need to be bent.

Alsohuman · 09/07/2020 16:43

@Tigger85, that’s heartbreaking. So very, very sorry. And that’s exactly the kind of situation where it’s entirely right to throw the rules on the fire. My heart goes out to you. 💐

TJ17 · 09/07/2020 16:54

@Tigger85 I don't know what to say other than I am so so sorry for what you have had to (and are still continuing to) go through. I cannot even begin to comprehend the pain you are feeling right now.

I hope you know that you are making the most selfless and caring decision you will ever have to make.

I hope you find all the strength you can. Thinking of you ❤️Thanks

CornerOfTheSky · 09/07/2020 17:31

I think with shops, restaurants etc beginning to open up, it’s actually more important than ever now to keep footfall in hospitals to a minimum. Whether your partner lives with you or not, two people increases viral load, increases the chances of transmitting the virus.

I am in the third trimester with a high risk pregnancy, have been going into maternity ward twice a week for the last few months. Personally, I’ve found it a much nicer experience not having men around the wards, and I think especially on postnatal it can be a positive thing as more privacy, less noise, etc. Can understand that I’m probably in the minority with my opinion, and I doubt I’d feel the same if it were my first baby or in the event of a c section where you need more help postnatally.

I do think it’s completely right that hospitals do the best thing to protect staff and patients, who have no choice to be there. It just feels safer to have minimal numbers of people hanging around the wards at this time.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 09/07/2020 18:03

Gyms and manicurists opening too now!

BojoKilledMyMojo · 09/07/2020 18:14

Ultimately its about limiting service to those who NEED to be there, not those who WANT to be there.

Hospitals aren't like pubs, shops or gyms. Everybody in those is there because they want to be, having weighed up the risks for themselves. Those who need to be in hospital for whatever reason don't tend to have the option of just staying home and avoiding it.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 09/07/2020 19:01

I totally understand your thinking OP but is it really essential for your DP to attend your scans. I only had my DH with me once for both my pregnancies as he was unable to get time off work to be there. I couldn’t believe how many women turned up with their partners, mothers, MILs and a gaggle of children too!

SuperMumTum · 09/07/2020 19:09

Oh @Tigger85 I am so so sorry. This is the most awful situation for you and your partner and my heart absolutely goes out to you. You poor thing and, not that my opinion matters, I think you are the bravest person for doing absolutely the right thing for your baby.

3cats · 10/07/2020 05:03

@Tigger85

Flowers for you and your husband and your baby. Such an awful situation.

bumblingbovine49 · 10/07/2020 05:09

It is yet another example if this government throwing women under the bus ( look at the whole school and lack of.wrapnaround childcare fiasco) . Possibly not deliberately as such but just because they don't understand women's needs. They don't give it any thought at all

DilemmaDame · 10/07/2020 06:03

I know this is a shitty situation for expecting parents but OP is not comparing apples with apples. Pubs and hospitals provide services: one essential and NFP and one non-essential but FP. They are still each providing a service though.

The pub cannot viably operate without allowing people in in groups and to be served in groups (whether that is by table service or at the bar or whatever).

The service the hospital is providing can be provided 1 on 1 with the same care and skill and net cost whether or not your partner is there.

Your partner does not need to be present for you to have a scan.

The pub cannot open at all without groups.

Yabu OP.

DilemmaDame · 10/07/2020 06:06

Also what @BojoKilledMyMojo said

Hardbackwriter · 10/07/2020 16:41

@bumblingbovine49

It is yet another example if this government throwing women under the bus ( look at the whole school and lack of.wrapnaround childcare fiasco) . Possibly not deliberately as such but just because they don't understand women's needs. They don't give it any thought at all
I am no fan at all of this government but this is a decision that is made trust by trust, not centrally by the government - hence why my hospital does allow partners for scans. There may be good reasons (physical layout, local infection rate, size of unit) why it's appropriate for some hospitals not to allow partners, but there's no central ban on it.
Alsohuman · 10/07/2020 16:51

I was about to make the same point @Hardbackwriter. It’s not throwing women under the bus at all. It’s protecting them. It’s hard to see how anyone can’t understand that.

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/07/2020 01:17

Someone who is going in to confirm miscarriage etc should not be made to go in alone.

I was totally overwhelmed and had no support at all with me

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