So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

@NameChange30 Thank you for the link.

I feel like I ll be comfortable with having the examinations if hopefully it's just the one I ll have alone rather than go off other signs which could lead to waiting alone longer.

I feel the same with a covid test, won't be the most pleasant thing but if it means the staff feel safer and I d then be allowed to use the midwife unit then i ll happily get through it.

@Thefab3

I agree with pp that some midwives and hcps can be totally dismissive with women in labour for some bizarre reason so good to have an advocate.

I really think this is the most important point.

Maternity services is an area where patients very often are not in a position to advocate for themselves, and there are a lot of practices that have a poor evidence base. It's not at all unheard of for women to be rushed into decisions, for assumptions to be made about their care and nurses or doctors to just do things on that basis, for them not to be given as much information as they ought to. During and after labour mothers are often not able to think about or make good decisions for themselves or their babies.

It's not uncommon for women to be so upset about how a birth is handled that they don't want any more children. My husband was the only thing standing between me and a horrible doctor bullying me when I was in labour with my third child.

And there are other cases where patients are in these positions - as much as nurses and doctors really want what is best for patients, they can't really advocate for patients individually, because a big part of the role of advocate is to question the medical advice.

I still think as a FTM you cant say for sure how you will feel in labour or who you will need to do what. Just because as a recurrent pre eclampsia sufferer I feel confident I could give birth alone in extremely high risks ( I wouldnt but I COULD ) doesn't dismiss the OPs upset.

It's been a luxury for every other mum for at least 30 years to have a partner with them for scans, births etc. Something the OP is denied. Why cant she feel sad?

Saying "I gave birth alone by choice" is great for you, but it's not OPs choice.

Also yes there is also always someone worse off, again how does that help OP?

You could negate every single post on MN by saying " there are children being affected by genocide daily elsewhere in the world"

Why not support another woman? It's not a competition of misery is it?

@Dee96

Since your mum works frontline in the NHS I imagine she can explain to you why partners are not able to be at scans to hear good or bad news (they don't know until the scan what it will be).

Lots of people have commented on why.

You are still asking why. Ring up the overworked hospital deaprtment and ask to speak to someone with authority and ask that person why. No doubt you will get a similar answer - safety - to reduce risk for the many.... Yes you are frustrated, that doesn't change the outcome that for your recent scan your partner wasn't able to go in with you. Maybe he will be there at the next one if the restrictions are raised?

@californiasealion

But greyt the point is that I do feel a huge amount of pressure to have my partner at the birth because of the way society has evolved.

I’m not saying that because of my personal feelings hospitals should continue not to allow partners in; I am suggesting it is perhaps not the tragedy it is being made out to be.

Than surly you can understand that because all women are different it's quite insensitive to say that you don't agree that it's as big of a deal to some women as it is? You don't know their reasons for why they feel that way so how can you dismiss them the way you have been doing?

No, insensitive would be to say that in normal times Greyt

This is a pandemic, it is a hospital, people are unwell, I have been patient and polite but I am getting fed up of the theatrics from you on every post I make.

My whole point was that different women feel differently but we can’t definitively state this negatively affects every woman, it doesn’t.

We have to make adjustments and adapt because otherwise people are at risk of dying, it really is as simple as that.

Hardbackwriter and Goosefoot have made some very important points.

Im in NI and partner can now attend scans. As well as induction and full labour

No, insensitive would be to say that in normal times Greyt

You saying you don't think it's the tragedy it's being made out as is insensitive. Doesn't matter that it's based on risk, you complaining that women are upset by it is insensitive. Fine if you don't think you are but that's the way you have come across and it's probably because you want to do your entire pregnancy alone so you can't relate. Which is fine, but you don't know all these women's situations so you can't say it's not a big deal. I have said I understand the reason and am fortunate my hospital allows it and have safety provisions in place (still not sure why other hospitals can't put the same things such as mandatory masks in place) but that doesn't mean people shouldn't have sympathy for how it is likly difficult to others.

No theatrics, you probably just aren't pleased I'm disagreeing with you.

@Ineedcoffee2345

Im in NI and partner can now attend scans. As well as induction and full labour

Not in NI but partners have been allowed to attend booed scans and labour here. My hospital has a mandatory rule that all visitors and outpatients have to wear masks (they provide them if people don't have their own)

OP I agree with you. Women and their needs are rarely the priority of any government.

The HCP who does your scan might scan 50 other women that day. All pregnant women deserve the right to keep their exposure risk to transmission low. Add in 100 partners (who, like the pregnant mother, may work outside of the home and travel on public transport) and the HCP's contact bubble becomes huge. Multiply that over 10 days before Covid symptoms show and the HCP could infect a lot of vulnerable people.
On the other hand, someone going to a beer garden and the person behind the bar know the risk and could transfer it. But they aren't transfering it in the capacity of a HCP within a hospital space that should be kept Covid-19 free if at all possible.
They aren't like-for-like. By your argument, nobody should have their hair cut or go into a non-essential shop either.

I have just seen that Liverpool women’s have now said that from Monday one person can come with you to your 20 week scan

OP, if you had a parent in a care home and the home announced that one family member, the same person, can visit once a week in PPE you might be a little worried that the virus could be transmitted to your parent, but that the home is mitigating the risk by limiting numbers. On the other hand, if 2 people were allowed to visit at a time, the transmission risk would double. A care worker in that home deserves protection from unnecessary risk too.

I can see why you are upset, but comparing them to pubs isn't really useful. Pubs etc can close if there's an outbreak, I wouldn't really fancy a whole load of midwives being off at the same time seen as though there's already a shortage. The staff hate these restrictions and will fight for them to be lifted when the time is right, some places already are. They get no joy from seeing women scared and alone.

No greyt, it’s dramatic and theatrical to say that because I am in favour of the decisions made by various NHS trusts to limit the people allowed in I therefore do not care about mental health problems.

Again you exaggerate with ‘want to do your whole pregnancy alone.’ This is a pragmatic decision and yes, it’s one that is to my preference, but that’s not why it’s been made. It’s been made for everybody’s safety.

californiasealion you are missing my point, again. I'm not critising you agreeing with the NHS decision, that makes sense. I'm referring to you bring insensitive by suggesting women are making a bigger deal out of it than nessesary by being upset. Why do you have a right to tell pregnant women they shouldn't feel upset by the situation?

"Why do you have a right to tell pregnant women they shouldn't feel upset by the situation?"

Mumsnet has been absolutely full of people doing just that, since the start of lockdown.

It's awful.

I’m not missing your point. I disagree with it.

You are right NameChange30 and I don't know why I'm suprised, I am reading mumsnet after all. I just can't believe the lack of sympathy. Yes some NHS hospital have to have these rules in place and that's fine but would it kill posters to just awkwnowledge that it must be difficult for many pregnant women? I know some have but majority are in the "what's the big deal" camp.

Because if Covid gets into hospitals it much more serious than if it gets into a pub.

The ultra sound waiting room in our hospital is the same for CT scans. That’s where cancer patients have to go regularly. But we avoid pubs and people who go to pubs but we can’t avoid the hospital.

@californiasealion

I’m not missing your point. I disagree with it.

Except you aren't addressing my actual point. I will ask you again in simple terms:

Do you think it's insensitive to dismiss pregnant women's feelings during a difficult time?

No.

... hence why I disagreed

Wow, you really are quite cold of a person than arent you california

Glad you were finally able to actually address my point.