So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

Thing Is OP the virus is still here. But the economy needs to start to fund the NHS, public services, schools, care homes etc. It is a balancing act. My son is going to have to go and see the orthodontist on his own. How scary is that for a child. We are all affected at different levels. My older son has had his career plans put on hold indefinitely. We are all suffering in our own way,

Do that many hospitals not allow partners? As I've been saying mine has been allowing them for booked scans and births. I'm shocked that people are saying so many aren't.

"Do that many hospitals not allow partners?"

Some hospitals banned all partners at any point during the birth, but I believe there were not many hospitals and the complete ban didn't last long. Organisations like Birth Rights and i believe RCOG made strong statements about the importance of women being able to have a birth partner.

However, the issue is that most hospitals have only been allowing a birth partner when the woman is in active labour, hence women feeling that they have to consent to vaginal examinations (to check for the magic number: 4cm dilation), and it is incredibly common for women - especially first time mothers - to be fobbed off by midwives who don't believe they're in established labour, so they're sent home or left in waiting rooms or on the antenatal ward, and you hear many stories of women giving birth in those situations because they haven't been allowed onto the labour ward. During lockdown, when birth partners have not been allowed to join the woman until she is properly admitted as being in active labour and allowed into her own room, there have been lots of cases of the birth partner only arriving at the very end - just in time for the birth but obviously not having been able to support the woman throughout her labour.

It's a concern for inductions when a woman might need support but isn't allowed it.

If a woman goes into labour naturally at home and stays as long as possible she can obviously have her birth partner with her then, but if she wants or needs to go into hospital at any point they then face a negotiation about whether the partner goes in with her not - I believe they are being made to wait outside until she is examined.

It is for this reason (and the fact that I actually want two birth partners, a doula as well as DH) than I'm seriously considering a home birth, although my preference would be the birth centre.

PS Most hospitals have banned partners for scans too although this thread has revealed a few exceptions.

there have been lots of cases of the birth partner only arriving at the very end - just in time for the birth

I'm aware that midwives don't always accurately assess when a woman enters active labour, but I don't believe (unless they were extremely quick births) that loads of women have not been moved until birth was imminent.

@Beebeet

there have been lots of cases of the birth partner only arriving at the very end - just in time for the birth

I'm aware that midwives don't always accurately assess when a woman enters active labour, but I don't believe (unless they were extremely quick births) that loads of women have not been moved until birth was imminent.

I'm not saying it's typical but as I said I was finally examined and then admitted to labour ward 20 minutes before DS was born, when they finally, and very condescendingly, agreed to examine me and then the midwife stood up very fast and said 'I can see the head coming!'. If this had happened during the current situation I doubt DH would have made it even if he'd been sat in the car park (but I also don't think they'd have done that examination without him insisting that if I said I was pushing they really should listen).

@NameChange30

PS Most hospitals have banned partners for scans too although this thread has revealed a few exceptions.

I imagine areas that have been able to implement masks and have low numbers (like mine) have done it. Also the scans for pregnancy seem to be different area then general CT scans which also helps.

My area (I learned today) also allows partners for scans - but yes, masks and antenatal scanning in a different place to scans for other reasons.

"I don't believe (unless they were extremely quick births) that loads of women have not been moved until birth was imminent."

Again, someone else who doesn't believe other women's birth stories.

I suppose you all think women make it up for shits and giggles.

"I don't believe (unless they were extremely quick births) that loads of women have not been moved until birth was imminent."

I was on the general AN ward - having had my water broken, but in an open ward, when I passing midwife looked at my face as I had a contraction and said 'umm, you're not feeling like you want to push are you?' I was rushed into a ward, de-knicked at super speed, and dd was born about 10 mins later: no pain relief, best experience ever. The consultant did have the good grace to come and see me afterwards and say maybe, my strong argument that if they broke my waters I was likely to go into a fast labour was correct, and she was sorry she'd said that almost certainly wouldn't happen ;-)

It may not be typical (esp for first births- that was a second) but it's certainly within normal boundaries.

Again, someone else who doesn't believe other women's birth stories.

No, I just don't believe that at the moment, when they're erring on the side of caution that there are loads and loads of women who have experienced this. But making unsubstantiated claims to further scare women who are already apprehensive seems really kind.

Of course some do, and I hope that if they feel up to it they complain so that the midwives are taught to listen to women.

I had to go for my scan to confirm my miscarriage alone, go over the options alone then go back for treatment alone. I also wasnt allowed one of the options due to covid.

I think that is disgusting. I only knew I had a miscarriage as I went for a private scan that was allowing partners in so he could see it and got that news.

I haven’t read the whole thread but hospitals are making rules to keep you and your baby safe. The last thing a maternity unit (or any unit) needs is an outbreak of covid. Sometimes social distancing isn’t able to happen as space does not allow for 2m apart. I’m imagining scan rooms are not that large.

Also if you are allowed partners in because of it being an anxious time, where does it stop? What about the person attending for their first chemotherapy, the person getting their cancer diagnosis etc etc.

I get that you’re anxious, I really do, but we have to protect everyone including staff.

Pubs are not usually full of ill and medically vulnerable people. Hospitals are.

Every time you have a partner/parent/friend with a patient it increases the time you take to undertake any medical procedure, at the moment that is a bad thing.

Not all hospitals can section off maternity scans from other imaging departments. The brand new (well built a couple of years ago) imaging department at my local is the floor above coronary care.

@QueenCoral

I haven’t read the whole thread but hospitals are making rules to keep you and your baby safe. The last thing a maternity unit (or any unit) needs is an outbreak of covid. Sometimes social distancing isn’t able to happen as space does not allow for 2m apart. I’m imagining scan rooms are not that large.

Also if you are allowed partners in because of it being an anxious time, where does it stop? What about the person attending for their first chemotherapy, the person getting their cancer diagnosis etc etc.

I get that you’re anxious, I really do, but we have to protect everyone including staff.

Of course people should be allowed support when getting a cancer diagnosis or having chemotherapy.

While it is disappointing the rules are there to keep people safe. There will be mums there who have underlying health conditions and staff who need to be at work and the less exposure they have to people who might have the virus the better. I had a hospital appointment for a scan a few weeks ago (not pregnancy but could have shown anything) and was asked to go alone. Fine by me. I felt safer knowing numbers were being kept to a minimum. Yes it would have been awful if it were bad news but still preferable to receive that alone than have an increased chance of catching/dying from/putting others at risk of covid..

It's not just mildly annoying or disappointing. It's not like going into town for an ice cream and realising the shop is closed. It's devastating.

I'm extremely heartened to hear that many hospitals are relaxing this rule already. It's a step in the right direction.

"stay safe"
"too much risk"
"people will die of covid if you do [insert very low risk activity]"

I'm so sick of all the bullshit that people just repeat parrot fashion.

Of course the concerns about covid are real but all too often these phrases are used to shut people up when they are talking about struggling during lockdown.

I understand your frustration at the policy around scans. However I don’t understand why you are linking this to the pubs opening- nobody said it was one or the other. Each decision is made based on the applicable data and science, it’s not a ranking or a hierarchy.

3cats, my point is, patients aren’t allowed anyone with them for their chemo. We have a set of very vulnerable patients and we just cannot allow each one to have a visitor. We have had to move units to allow for 2m between chairs as it is but add in visitors and we’d never be able to stick to the 2m rule.

But I’m the whole patients with cancer seem accepting of the rules because they know they are in place to protect them.

I’ve had kids and whilst I would have hated going through it alone if that’s what it takes to keep people safe then so be it. Unfortunately everyone has had to make sacrifices and nothing is ideal at the moment but we have to protect the vulnerable.

Letting people into pubs and restaurants will increase the spread of Coronavirus. Doesn't mean it's safe to do that in maternity units.

@NameChange30 well no it's not to shut people up, but what do you think a hospital has to gain from not allowing visitors?

I am 26 weeks on Saturday, a high risk pregnancy, a previous miscarriage and the only pregnancy I have had that resulted in a living child was awful as he had congenital brain abnormalities found at 20 weeks. My partner was not allowed to the 12 or 20 week scans. They found a kidney problem at the 20 week and told me not to worry just go home. The next week at another scan knowing there was a problem he still wasnt allowed, that time they said there was a cardiac problem too. There have been no midwife apps for my whole pregnancy except the initial booking one at 8 weeks. My partner was allowed in to the fetal medicine ones but not the fetal echocardiogram ones. We have received absolute zero support from anyone during this time. Final diagnosis for our baby boy is heterotaxy and VACTERL association. He has 3 heart defects, no anus, his intestines join to his bladder, hydroneohrosis of his right kidney, Mal rotated gut, spinal deformities in lumbar and sacral spine, and either a tracheoesophageal fistula or oesophageal atresia. He is very very unwell and would need his entire gi tract rebuilding. He is absolutely going to suffer and be in pain, he dies have a chance of eventually having a good quality of life IF he survives dozens of major surgeries and they don't find anything more wrong it if he isn't at the more severe end for each individual problem. They said he wouldnt come home for atleast 6 months, having looked into his conditions it's not uncommon for them to end up almost a full year in hospital. They made it very very clear that he will be in and out of hospital for 2-3 years and may always suffer pain. The injection to stop his heart is scheduled for tomorrow and I am to be induced Sunday. The only decent thing is they gave said my partner will be allowed to stay with me for the whole time until I am able to leave hospital. This is a huge relief because I am going to need him and it would be so completely cruel to deny a father to see, hold and say goodbye to their much loved and wanted dead baby.