So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

[quote ResumetonormalASAP]@Waxonwaxoff0

Waxonwaxoff0 Wed 08-Jul-20 08:41:57
I think YABU but to be honest I've never got the whole "partner needs to come to scan" anyway. When I was pregnant my son's dad didn't come to the 20 week scan because he couldn't get the time off work, I wasn't bothered.

I know same here. I don't get it either, its a scan. Recorded if you want or pictures. I wasn't bothered either - I went to scan then returned to work - was all very matter of fact.[/quote]
Thank god it isn’t just me!

To be honest, ideally I would not want at the birth either but I’m due December and I imagine things will be normal by then.

It shows a shocking lack of imagination if you can't understand why women might want their partner at a scan, just because you're not bothered

Obviously some women get bad news at a scan. How hard is that to understand?! I've been lucky enough to have good news at each one but I'm still capable of understanding that not every woman is.

For those of you going for scans without partners can I ask that you don't take it out on the sonographer?

My best friend is an NHS sonographer and the amount of abuse she has had to put up with because she won't allow partners /mums/friends into the scan is disgusting. She's had formal complaints about it which all have to be investigated even though they're groundless. I've never seen her so stressed and upset.
Be kind!

But name the whole point about bad news is that it’s bad, it’s awful, it will be regardless of who is in the room with you.

The hospital still have to keep numbers to a minimum. I'm very lucky that my cancer treatment finished three years ago and only have yearly appts but even that will be by phone this year. There are people desperate for a cancer diagnosis and treatment who I feel desperately sorry for soI'm sorry you're upset by being without your DH and I'm sure he'd like to be there but we all have to make the best if it

@californiasealion

Not at the birth.... .... as long as he was at the conception , no seriously some of us just get on with things on our own - I guess I have always been the independent, strong, capable type.

Being serious though, I have had bad news before at a scan.. My third child had a major birth defect...

To the OP sorry you are finding it difficult. It is about protecting you and other pregnant women. At maternity appts not everyone has a partner that lives with them, social distances, stays safe, etc etc etc.... however all the women need protecting so the rules help keep the footfall down and limit the changes of contracting the virus from others whilst pregnant. It's not about money, it's not about being difficult it's to keep you and your baby safe and also keep other women and their babies safe too.... You have until November so perhaps the rules will change and he can be with you at the next scan.

@Dee96 I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated.

Totally missing that most (all) scans are done in medical environments where there are more susceptible people and the hospital had a duty of care to others who are attending.

And no, they don't have a "right" to be there, it's a luxury, not right.

Do not demand explanations from the reception staff, they are following rules, not implementing them.

If every person took one more person, they would not be able to implement social distancing, and others would also rock up with their other children, and other family members.

I say this as someone whose dh wasn't at either of our daughter's births, nor any antenatal visits for #2.

@Dollywilde - I have said over and over how I do not understand this, DH and I share a bed every night

IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT YOU. It is designed that way in order to put in place effective social distancing and limit people who could be potentially ill.

@californiasealion

Indeed, I heard the news that my child had major defects.... the news was no harder it was dreadful news regardless.

You’re not unreasonable to think it’s crap that women are feeling unsupported. While I can fully understand and recognise the need for women to have support at antenatal appointments, you’re missing the point that hospitals are a major place of spread so they are limiting it. You are far more likely to catch Covid19 in a hospital (or care home) than a pub or a restaurant.

"But name the whole point about bad news is that it’s bad, it’s awful, it will be regardless of who is in the room with you."

Again, shocking lack of empathy and compassion in failing to recognise that some people would prefer to be with a loved one when they get that kind of news.

I had thought of this too. I fully agree with no partners at scans etc to protect medical staff but if those medical staff are now able to go to the pub or on holiday abroad, it seems that would be a greater risk (to them and to me) than having my self isolated partner attend all of labour with me. And I have no way of knowing where my midwife/obstetrician have been either, unless we're allowed to call them up and check they haven't been near anyone other than their family before an appointment as they still do before all of mine. In my view a hospital appointment/visiting/ birth can be a controlled risk whereas flying to Greece or going for a pint very much isn't. I hope the rules relax soon, it's all feeling very tokenistic at the moment and I feel very much less willing to accept them than I did when all this started.

(And if they've had bad news in the past and are feeling extra anxious this time around.)

YABU whereas I fully appreciate it is sad not to be able to share these 1sts . Where is the line yes you're from the same household. But what about the 1st time mum who's going it alone for whatever reason, she still has the same fears and apprehension going into scans, but her support maybe from a different household. How can they say yes to your OH but no to her support.
Also as above sadly its not just about you it's about every other mum to be that you encounter in the hospital.
I have Drs that had to live separately from their partners during the entire 1st pregnancy they missed out on more than the scans.
It is about reducing footfall into the hospitals to keep vunerable people as safe as possible
Just hold onto all the experiences you will be able to share together

@Cyclewidow46 but it's not about your partner impacting the result of the scan?! Its about if the result isnt what you expect or want to hear that you have someone else to emotionally hold your hand with you, and not have to experience this trauma on your own. And as a previous poster said there is actually proof that having a loved one with you can affect the outcome, I suggest you search for the post as they kindly put a link in there. Mental state affects the physical. Also I cant speak for everyone but in my maternity unit there was literally me and 3 other women. The seating arrangement was done so people were spaced out. If this isnt possible people can wait in the car together and be called in when they need to be seen to decrease the amount of bodies in one place. There are ways around the points you've brought up. If anything when I went to my scan the staff there were the ones standing close to each other, not social distancing. And every women there respected the guides, spacing and wore masks.

While I do have a lot of sympathy, especially for FTMs or those receiving bad news, typically an ultrasound room is a windowless box where the sonographer is in close contact with the patient. It’s reasonable to minimise their exposure to just the patient themselves.

It isn’t just pregnant women being affected. I’ve seen drastic changes in cancer care from my local trust.

It’s not lack of empathy or compassion, name.

There are no guarantees with anything, you can’t possibly know if your partner or another loved one will be around when you hear bad news about a loved one or a friend, for example. It’s just not possible. I had a close family member die abroad and had to be told via phone by someone I was not particularly close to, really not ideal but I can’t honestly see it would have been any better or worse if i’d been in a quiet room surrounded by friends and family. The raw fact is that they’d gone and I wasn’t ever going to see them again and there’s just no ‘good’ way of hearing that news.

I do think one positive about all this night just be getting pregnancy and birth back to something that’s focused on the health of mum and baby. My hospital used to allow ‘up to four guests’, sorry but that’s ridiculous, it’s a medical scan not a party. And because it’s allowed that puts pressure on women like me, who would far rather get on quietly with minimal fuss, to have partner, in laws and whoever in oohing and shrieking when you want to focus on actually seeing your baby for the first time.

My opinion is that this is what private scans are for: pink and blue confetti and guests and so on. NHS ones really should be about health.

The time it would take to call people sat in the cars and wait for them to walk to the department would mean they could offer fewer appointments. And who would make these calls? That really wouldn't work

At my 20 week scan there were actually 2 sonographers - a student and a more senior supervisor - but they didn't explain it was a student, get my consent to be scanned by a student, or indeed talk to me much at all during the scan. They mostly talked to each other. The student complained a lot about how much the baby was moving. It took absolutely ages (nearly an hour) because she couldn't do it and I was in agony by the end (PGP so lying on my back is painful). They didn't actually tell me that all was fine with the baby until the end.

Fine for there to be two of them, and for them to treat me like that, but not fine for my DH to sit quietly in the corner of the room with a mask on

Well - that’s sort of the point, isn’t it, it isn’t fine for them to treat you like that, and you have every right to point that out. The problem is, it isn’t a tit-for-tat situation - they did this so I will do that.

I have a lively foetus as well so I understand!

name well that obviously isn't okay. But that still doesn't mean partners should now be allowed to attend scans.

Again, shocking lack of empathy and compassion in failing to recognise that some people would prefer to be with a loved one when they get that kind of news. I recently got a cancer diagnosis. It was awful but me receiving on my own didn't make it worse. Dh was able to comfort me later. Again the diagnosis remained the same.

I had a baby in May and had to attend last scans alone but it wasn’t too bad. Also had to have a three day induction alone and then a csection which my husband attended then left afterwards. But honestly, it was all fine.
Anyway, our trust have announced today that partners may attend scans from mid July, can be with women for the start of inductions, and that visitors will be allowed once a day on the postnatal wards.

Are people really not understanding that this is about the mothers mental health? Scans can be a very anxiety inducing experience for a lot of women. Having their partner there for support is incredibly helpful. All those who don't see the point clearly live in your own perfect bubbles but it's not like that for a lot of women. So please do explain why the mothers mental health isn't important?

Fortunately my local hospital allows 1 adult to accompany to the 12 week and 20 weeks scan, plus during labour. They also enforce everyone coming into the hospital must wear a mask

californiasealion
Ha glad I'm not the only one! I often wonder what on earth she's doing in there, it's very distracting On the up side I haven't had any worries about reduced movements so far (touch wood)

@haveyoutriedgoogle I think you find may partners wouldn't be just popping down to the pub, given the fact that their pregnant partners are highly vulnerable during this pandemic. They have a reason to be sensible and cautious with their actions just as families do with high risk members in it. And even if they did surely if they abide by the govs safety rules, stay 2m wear gloves wash hands on site in and out what are the odds of them passing it on for a 10 to 20 min scan? If these rules arent valid enough to protect people then that makes me question all the times we could go for essentional shopping during lockdown with these rules in place, they must be effective somehow.