So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

I agree that my poor treatment doesn't mean DH should have been allowed to come, but I do think the two things are linked - given that partners aren't allowed, I would hope for a bit more sensitivity from the sonographers, they should be mindful that some women might feel more anxious than usual, and the least they can do is get your consent before letting a student treat you like a guinea pig..

Anyway. My point is that it just feels like pregnant women's feelings don't count at the moment. No one seems to care

Cross post and I completely agree with @GreytExpectations

Greyt, I certainly don’t live in a perfect bubble, but one thing I’ve observed in the past is that mental health is used as a response to anything that might make someone temporarily uncomfortable or worried or stressed, and I do think this is one of these cases.

Someone who would suffer long term mental health repercussions because of having to attend a scan alone would be quite rare, in my view. There is a difference between “finding something stressful” and “my mental health is being affected.”

Another point to consider in all this is that for some women - myself included - a quieter and calmer atmosphere during the scan is actually a positive. Women aren’t one mass and therefore ‘women’s mental health is improved when ...’ isn’t an accurate statement.

Truthfully, panic won’t help anybody, especially those who are emotionally vulnerable. Mental health is an area which is immensely complex and much of the evidence out there about it does indicate there are no easy answers. Hospitals don’t have a duty to bend over backwards to keep patients happy if this increases the risk to them and their other patients.

@AMostExcellentStick and I agree with you. It's awful that it's not just pregnant women being subjected to this but patients that are also critically sick or being diagnosed so. Though I dont think it right to compare the two, as one baby not having a heart beat isnt the same as someone receiving life threatening news, both are just as bad for each person involved. Its upsetting me see everyones posts here where they are also being deprived the right to have company with them during this time. I really think it should be changed for everyone. @Nat6999 I'm so sorry you have to endure this stressful time by yourself and I hope you have support waiting for you outside those doors when your finished

YABU

If Partners are allowed it doubles the amount of people through an antenatal unit hugely increasing the risk to pregnant women and their babies.
It might not seem fair but you can show your partner a scan photo ?

Going to the pub is a different issue it’s a choice and it’s clearly for the economy
If you choose to go it’s at your own risk
Mothers in antenatal unit shouldn’t be exposed to any more risk than is absolutely necessary

OP AIBU?

MN Well, you are slightly, and here is why...

OP No I am not.

MN Don't fucking ask then.

@Randomness12 but for some women having their partners there with them isnt "unnecessary" and that's my point. For women that dont receive good news and dont have a smooth birth. For women that's babies dont make it. Were all human here mo one would want to go through with these things alone let's have abit of empathy.

Dee you can't speak for all partners. Not all expectant father's are good partners. There will be plenty who are not following the guidelines and the hospital has no way if knowing that.

But dee that isn’t correct: there is a difference between a preference and a necessity. Someone might have a strong preference for a partner to accompany them, but it isn’t a necessity.

@Dee96 Totally agree. Its precisely because not all scans end up being warm fuzzy "Ooohh look at our precious baby" moments that fathers / partners' presence does matter. We had a missed miscarriage discovered at a twelve week scan & I'm incredibly glad I wasn't going through that alone

I agree that it’s rubbish but as other posters have said:

a) it’s not ‘the government’. Yes the government has said pubs and shops can open but the decision about partners and scans will have been taken by NHS England or the local clinical commissioning group on the basis of the medical evidence. Boris isn’t sitting there going ‘yes to pubs and Primark, no to partners at scans!’
b) They have to consider the safety of all pregnant women who are, as a whole, a clinically vulnerable group. I know you want YOUR partner there but are you happy for every pregnant women to bring her partner too and have him or her in the waiting room, increasing your risk of exposure to the virus in pregnancy?
c) Hospitals have to consider the safety of other patients too - there are a lot of ill and vulnerable people in hospitals.

I really sympathise, it must be horrible not having your partner at a scan, but it isn’t medically essential, and Covid is a much greater risk to you and other pregnant women than not having your partner present at your scan.

I know it would be nice to think that most men whose partners are pregnant would have been acting appropriately but you only need to read some of the threads on here to know it’s not the case. And the other pregnant women waiting, and the sonographers, need to have the risk absolutely minimised.

They arent on the same timeline at all - pubs/restaurants are the start of opening up the hospitality/events sector (Which is a long way from being back to normal) just like hairdressors are the start of the style and beauty sector coming back to normal. One doesnt necessarily impact on the other unless it causes a spike.

Your issue is with the NHS opening up and truthfully given how many people have missed appointments (cancer check up/smear tests/blood tests) due to this and having partners is simply increasing the number of people in the hospital (and even if they are in the same household they are taking up space in waiting rooms/scan rooms etc).

The priority first for the NHS is patients

@californiasealion I don't think you quite understand mental health. And having partners, the baby's father in a scan is hardly "bending over backwards" I'm fortunate my hospital allows partners and I understand the reasons others may not but it'd be nice to see a little sympathy towards the pregnant women who will be mentally suffering through their pregnancy.

Tbh most people I’ve seen have their partner in the car outside- they aren’t that physically far from them for additional support if needed.

I'm currently pregnant and my husband has missed both 12 and 20 week scans. I have also previously had a miscarriage and as a result scans with bad news. I'm going to go against the grain here and say I'm actually relieved partners are still not allowed at scans (as gutted as I am for my husband and as anxious as I am about them.) Doubling the number of people in waiting rooms makes it far more difficult for people to practice social distancing safely, increasing the risk. We're in a global pandemic and if I need to follow these rules to minimise the risk to myself, my baby and others then I'll do it. I think the pubs are a completely separate issues as others have said, pregnant women can choose to go there but antenatal care is essential.

If they start letting people have someone with them at scans they have to start letting people have someone with them at every appointment if they wish. You can’t prioritise maternity care as more important in the sense of potentially needing support.

At the moment the NHS just hasn’t got the capacity to cope with those extra people in the hospitals. They are trying to make sure people are seen and that social distancing and the likes are taken into consideration too.

Most of DS appointments have been moved to virtual at the moment but the few times we have had to go in the waiting room capacity is massively reduced (from around 50 to less than 20) They are very firmly enforcing only one adult with each child and rightly so.

My hospital requires every single person who is attending an appointment or an approved visitor to wear a face mask. Not a covering, and actual mask. If you don't have one then they provide you one from a little station set up at the entrance. I don't understand why it's still a risk if every single person in the waiting room is not only sitting 2 metres apart but also wearing a mask?

If they start letting people have someone with them at scans they have to start letting people have someone with them at every appointment if they wish. You can’t prioritise maternity care as more important in the sense of potentially needing support

It really isnt a one rule for all. My hospital allows one accompanying adult into orebooked scans, ie 12 and 20 weeks. But they cannot attend any additional appointments or scans.

I don’t think you understand it, greyt, to be honest, not intended snarkily but as said above, there is a difference between a situation that makes you feel temporarily stressed or anxious and a situation that impacts, permanently, on your mental health.

I see where you are coming from OP. I've had two miscarriages during COVID. One at 6 weeks just before lockdown and the last one at 12 weeks 2 days before my scan. I received no care at all for either, EPU wouldn't see me. They did eventually with the last one when DP had to rush me to A&E at 4am haemorrhaging and in absolute screaming agony. DP wasn't let in. He wasn't let in the next day when I had to have a traumatic and painful internal scan, or the day after that when I had another one and medical management. He was allowed to go in to take the products of conception later that day while I was bedridden at home.

It was exceptionally traumatic and it was really really hard not having him there.

BUT two midwives at my hospital have died of COVID and a consultant so I understand the risk they run just going into work.

I don't think there is a solution but I agree it's very difficult for everyone.

If it was bad news wouldn't they make an exception. After the birth I went to my midwife appointments alone but my husband drove me. When our baby had to be admitted to the hospital they let him in the clinic. Don't know if it's the same at hospital.

Itbis hard isn't it you can go out and get.bladdered, fall over in your own sick on super pathetic Saturday. Yet the dads can't come to the scans.

Even if my husband could come to the scans, who would look after our other 4 children. There is literally no one. He takes them to the park near the hospital while I go in and I know hes wishing he could come in too, but it is what it is.

Our hospital rules in south east England, the one I will be having is, dad can drop me off to labour ward, wait when I am in a room, then he can come in and support me whilst I am in labour.

I'm due mid January so hoping by then, things will have really slowed down!!!

@californiasealion

I don’t think you understand it, greyt, to be honest, not intended snarkily but as said above, there is a difference between a situation that makes you feel temporarily stressed or anxious and a situation that impacts, permanently, on your mental health.

I very much do understand it, specially as part of my job involves training in mental health.

You can't disregard temporary moments of anxiety as not mental health. everyone has mental health, it's about different things that can affect it. Yes, a moment of heightened stress can affect your mental health and so can long term depression. But you cant then state the short moments of stress or anxiety don't matter because that's incredibly insensitive. Plus, you don't even know which mothers could have long term anxiety or depression, do you? Do you just expect a woman who has a history of anxiety to deal with an incredibly anxious moment without any support? You may claim to understand mental health but you really seem to lack sympathy about what it can put people through, even short moments of stress can be a result of weeks of building up anxiety.

greyt, that would be someone with pre existing MH conditions, they wouldn’t be solved or cured by having a partner accompany them to the scan, would they?

Reliance on another to the extent that your mental health will fall apart if you are parted is not healthy, in fact it is the opposite of healthy.