So pubs and restaurants can open but partners coming to scans are still a big no no?!

[Dee96]

I'm just so infuriated by this and cant believe no one else has picked up on it. I'm not one to complain, and I understand that the economy needs the pick me up but I just think the government has their priorities all wrong. Yet again their actions are based on their best interests, and are completely money orientated. I dont understand how pubs have opened up without the compulsory need to wear a mask or take any precautions other than a pathetic attempt at social distancing that lasted no time at all, yet my partner still cant come with me to my scan? And before people argue that this isnt a big deal, maybe not for some no. But for some women scans are an anxiety driven time during an already scary situation, and the need for emotional and physical support of a partner is crucial, especially for those that dont get good get news. Why is the farther of these babies still viewed as a plus and an outsider to these medical needs, they should be included as part of the package deal along with the mother. They have every right to be there. I understood and had patience at first when everything else was on lockdown and this restriction was implemented, but now I cant rationalise it anymore. Surely someone going out to drink and standing next to a complete stranger of a different household poses more of a risk than my partner being allowed in, at a safe distance, wearing a mask whilst I have my scans. I really just had to get this off my chest since I feel it's so injust and us first times mums really mean nothing. It's bad enough were so vulnerable during this time, and miss out on certain appointments/care but for our needs to be pushed aside for the sake of a pint really gets to me. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and felt like walking right up to the reception to demand an explanation, the only thing stopping me was I knew it wasnt right to take out my frustration on the poor people that are doing their best to work for us during this time.

Pubs & restaurants = help economy
Scans = don't help economy.

I imagine that's why.

Because as far as the government is concerned if there isn't a till and a card machine there its a problem. It's fucked up and we need to stand up for our rights. It's getting stupid now. I can go to a pub, but my kids are missing out on an education.

[quote Dee96]@Catmanduu I see your point and it helps me put reason to all of this. I still think if the father is from the same household it doesnt really put any additional risk on pregnant women, but there are plenty of women with partners they dont live with and having to figure out who can come and who would be excluded from this would be exhausting as theres no real proof for that. It's just a shame it had to be this way. Hopefully this will all change very soon[/quote]
I was going to say exactly the same as Catmandu (although she put it much more succinctly)

However, I don’t agree with your comment “same household so no additional risk”. I know a few married couples where one partner caught CV19 and the other one didn’t, despite sharing a bed etc. One couple had proof through the tests at the time and 2 couples where they had proof via antibody tests

YANBU.
As usual plenty of posters saying YABU because of course pregnant women's feelings don't matter
I agree with the PPs who gave other examples of people attending medical appointments who should be allowed a companion. Not everyone obviously but if someone needs a carer or is facing a very stressful/difficult appointment they should be allowed support.
In maternity care I think women should be allowed a companion (their partner or someone else) at scans and also from the start of induction - not just in active labour. I've heard so many horror stories of women being forced to labour alone until the last minute. Also women effectively being coerced into vaginal examinations, because that's how many midwives prefer to determine whether you're in active labour or not. Basically, your partner can't come in until I've poked your cervix

OP, if you feel strongly about this I advise you to write to your hospital (PALS) and maybe local CCG and/or MP.

My maternity hospital is now allowing partners at scans if the woman has previously suffered pregnancy loss, which is something at least.

@Newmama29
"if I am induced (first baby so highly likely) that could be days!"
Why "highly likely"? First time pregnancy isn't a risk factor. If no risk factors there's no need for an induction. There is a strong tendency toward induction in this country but you have options and you can decline if you choose.
With DC1 I didn't want an induction, no reason to have one, went into labour naturally and he was born at 41+4.

It’s apples and pears. In the nicest possible way, YABU, and I say that as somebody who has given birth during the pandemic. My husband had to spend hours sitting out in the car until I was in active labour.
It’s not the case that pregnant women are being forgotten about, or their rights sacrificed. Partners attending the hospital put NHS staff, other women and newborn babies at risk. Going to a pub puts at risk other people who have chosen to take that risk. You can’t compare the two situations. Additionally, the rules on partners at appointments are down to individual NHS trusts whose priority is the safety of patients and staff, the rules on the pub are down to the government, whose priorities are less clear cut.

Stop feeling so aggrieved by the situation and stop taking it personally.

Fundamentally, whether you are from the same household or not, 2 people are at higher risk of infecting others than 1. If everyone was able to bring another person from their household with them to their appointments, hospitals would be incredibly busy, and people/staff would feel unsafe; they won't care that you're all from the same household!

It’s not really about the risk to you or your husband so it is immaterial whether you are one household. It is about minimizing risk to the staff - if every pregnant women brings a partner the sonographer, the receptionist, the doctors who may need to consult; they will all be exposed to twice as many people every day. Same on the labour ward.

It is ideal? No. Is it necessary? Yes.

People I love are working on the frontline of this putting themselves at risk every single day (including delivering babies). That’s not ideal either.

Pregnancy scans are medical appointments. They are usually carried out in small, windowless rooms. They are generally carried out in hospitals full of sick or medically vulnerable people who don't have a choice over whether to be there or not, unlike the pub. I don't see what's so difficult to understand.

Why it's nice for Dad to come to the scan, it's not necessary.

I disagree actually and I am pregnant. Scans are to check the baby, not for dad and mum to have a look. If you want to have a nose at the baby you can pay for a private scan, we had a 4d scan last week and my dh came.

Agree with @Randomness12.

You appear to have a fixed idea in your head this is unfair and won’t listen to those valid arguments outlining why the current position is necessary, albeit shit for those affected.

You also appear to be getting yourself worked up about it and the birth, which isn’t going to help when the time comes. Why is an induction highly likely for example ? Also - I’ve had 2 and they were great, it’s not the horror many people make out. Why would you be alone during your whole labour when the advice has always been stay at home as long as possible ? I think you need to prepare yourself mentally for the reality rather than getting so focussed on this.

I'm pretty sure it is down to the individual hospital trusts. My 20 week scan is today and my husband is allowed to attend. We have to wait in the car beforehand, not a waiting room, and will receive a phone call when it is time to go in.

I'm close to my due date so DH has also missed scans. Frankly safety comes first so I really don't mind. My local trust now invites men in at the end of the 12 and 20 week scans for a quick peek but no scans after.
I think comparing it to pubs opening isn't really justified as pregnant women are advised to strictly social distance, to me and most of the pregnant women I know this means only going out for essentials.

The no partners until in active labour though is disgusting, it coerces women into having vaginal examinations they may have otherwise refused. I also think they should allow birth partner to visit on the post natal ward too.

@dee96

The problem is that not everyone has a partner who is towing the line with distancing, perhaps they are drinking in the busy inner city streets? Do you ban birth companions if they don't live at the same address, what if someone's partner left and they want their mum/sister/best friend?

It's not simple and risk minimisation is the key. The technology we have should make it possible for the routine scans to be recorded for the partner but if there is a possible abnormality it should be protocol to get them back the next day with someone to support them. As for giving birth, it was the case when I had my dd that dp's didn't come onto the induction ward only when in active labour (3cm) - this is a reasonable compromise (by the way dp's are overrated at births, mums are far better!)

Ps you can't go in with adults at a&e either, even when it was a 999 admission - exh did get allowed in eventually to dd but only because he knew the consultant and pulled strings despite her being very vulnerable

" Is it necessary?"

Debatable. Everyone is repeating parrot fashion that these restrictions are necessary but I don't think they all are. We have to apply some critical thinking about the risks vs the costs of restrictions.

Of course plenty of people are either incapable of critical thinking or have thrown it out of the window in favour of coronavirus hysteria.

Pubs opening isn't actually relevant.
Extra people in the hospital with you increase the risk for the staff, it's unfortunate but it makes sense that it isn't allowed

Whilst it's pretty awful, I think yabu. Every single person with a medical condition is going through this at the moment, and it's sadly a necessity.

It doesn't matter if you are from the same household, it doubles the footfall making social distancing trickier. If its an asymptomatic household, 2 people are bringing in double the amount of the virus. This is for the protection of both staff and patients. This isn't browsing a shop, this is physical contact, so the risk of transmission is higher anyway.

@BluntAndToThePoint80
"Why is an induction highly likely for example ?"

It wasn't the OP who said that, it was a different poster.

I don’t think it’s possible really to social distance in the room where scans are done let alone have a subdue open for good ventilation. The sonographer would have many people in/out during the day and need to get up close personal. Double risk to then if each patient brought someone with them. Them each pesos thereafter is also at risk of anything left behind by previous patient. So doubling up sanitation between patients too. I’ve been for a few medical appointments . The amount of wiping down surfaces, changing gloves etc of the staff was unbelievable. Very strict just me. I could only imagine how much more effort and expense and time would be needed for them to clean every potential surface patient and their partner touched / could’ve touched, between patients. Additionally, you may have at risk patients who have to go for a scan. Scans are not only for pregnancy. Bringing in extra people brings in extra risk.

In the pub/restaurant it’s mostly outside and limited contact. Huge difference with much less risk to both staff and patrons.

People at risk don’t have to go to a pub or restaurant as they may have to go for a scan.

Pub/restaurant staff don’t get up close/personal with patrons as sonograpgers Do with patients.

It’s not the same thing. Don’t be entitled /selfish.

I don't see why it is entitled/ selfish to want your partner with you for a scan. There are good reasons at the moment why that is difficult in many places but there is a reasonable explanation and hospitals should be setting out that explanation when confirming appointments and also confirming the arrangements for accessing support if there is bad news.

Our hospital still has 4 paragraphs in its appointment letters about the difficulties are parking, so it shouldn't be absolutely impossible to add relevant information in.

I understood the advice form the college of gynaecologists was that partners can be there throughout, at the birth and there's no need for them to leave, but they must stay with you and not wander round. It also says that you may be allowed visitors depending on the trust, so I think they are catching up.

I appreciate the scans they've not made it clear and it is a daunting time but they were heavily restricted in a lot of places even before this, no children, only one person with you etc

It’s all very well saying you share the same bed, but the hospital have no idea where your DP works, who they are in contact with, if they’ve been to the pub.

You also now have two people walking into the hospital touching different surfaces and using different toilets.

You talk about ‘rights’

The things you want are nice to haves not rights, the NHS are there to look after you and your baby.

I don't think they have enough PPE to give a set to every expectant father for every antenatal appointment.

The medical staff do not know who your partner has been in contact with. He could be going to the pub every night or is in a high risk job ie bus driver etc. You will be fine. The medical staff are fantastic and will look after you.

Elderly people have been left to die without their relatives there. My friend’s mother was dropped off at hospital for major stomach surgery and her family couldn’t go in to hold her hand beforehand or afterwards. They were allowed to collect her four days later.

I do understand your frustration. I really do. However as other people have said that the likes of pubs and shops people choose to go there and pregnant women need to go to these appointments.
They need to maintain social distancing in waiting areas and in scan rooms for the sake of patients as pregnant women especially in the latter stages are vulnerable.
Other hospital patients cannot have any visitors unless they are dying. So when they are at their most fragile all they can have is a phone call or video call. Again it's to protect vulnerable people.

About being alone till active labour. That is also frustrating. I was induced and had to stay in for 2 nights prior alone as myself and our baby were the patients, not my husband. I rang him to come in when I was in active labour as it was early morning. Not ideal but what can you do?

Also re scans and appointments by yourself, I get that also I had to attend many by myself due to having extra consultant appointments, midwife appointments and weekly scans due to complications. My husband couldn't get all that time off work and big decisions could be made at any appointment. Again not ideal but each appointments could be over an hour 2-3 times per week.
But it's all about weighing up risk and the risk is to high especially for women in their 3rd trimester and reduction in lung capacity can affect you fighting off covid