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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about DP’s issues with food?

179 replies

DorothygohometoKansas · 07/07/2020 20:53

I’ve been with DP for almost 18 months and he’s great. Just great. Lovely, caring, funny and a proper grown up. He moved in before lockdown and he shares chores and the mental load perfectly. He’s also great company and very chilled out.

But there’s one thing.... He’s a picky eater. He has allergies and loads of food phobias. I’m a serious cook and major foodie.

His average diet is beige, oven chips, nuggets, potato waffles, fried eggs, white bread, mild grated cheese, fish fingers etc.... Nothing green and no interesting tastes. He eats baked beans and that’s about as much of a vegetable as he goes near.

Where’s my average week of cooking if I’m cooking just for myself can include nasi goreng , Thai curry, a long simmered made from scratch tagine, soba noodles with marinated veggies and noodles and dumplings in miso broth.

I don’t know what to do, so far before he moved in and now he has, I’ve either eaten a more interesting version of his dinner, such as using breaded chicken pieces to make a ceasar salad, or just cooked myself something entirely different.

I can cook to work around his allergies, but whatever I make he either won’t try, or tries a mouthful and spits out before even chewing, saying he doesn’t like it.

We have plans to travel (postponed by Covid-19, but still on the cards eventually) and I’m really worried about how we’re going to manage going to places like Bali, Thailand, Japan and India with his very restricted diet. I know I’ll want to try all the food wherever we go and he’s likely to struggle to eat at most places.

How do I manage this without it becoming a major battleground at home for each meal and with a view to travelling? As I adore my DP and don’t want to cause us issues over just this one thing, food.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 08/07/2020 17:03

It really depends OP on how happy he is to go along with you if you're traveling. Will he happily go into a restaurant with you and have plain rice or something while you eat something else? Or will he moan and pull faces and make you feel bad for enjoying your own meal? If you're both happy to do your own thing and not bug the other one, then it can work fine. If not, not so much.

I had an ex who was a bit like this. His diet was very very limited and I knew this. It was fine when we first started dating and didn't live together. We'd go places that didn't involve eating, or if we ate, we'd go somewhere he chose because he knew he could eat something. But our first holiday away together was a disaster. We were only in London, but it took ages to find anywhere to eat as he rejected restaurant after restaurant because they smelt "funny" or didn't show a plain option on the menu outside. I tried to suggest we asked if they could do xyz thing he could eat, but he also refused to ask. It got to a point when we'd walk around for 2 hours looking at dozens of places and then eventually choose somewhere and order, for him to tell me he couldn't stand the smell and that he'd wait outside while I ate. So I ate alone and in a hurry because he was waiting outside, and he didn't eat.

stella47 · 08/07/2020 17:24

I've travelled with a partner who was vegan, before it was as easy as now to get vegan food. I think for me the most difficult bit was that he wouldn't accept that it would cause any difficulties at all. He got very cross and irritable if hungry, so I'd plan ahead by taking food for him, he's say it wasn't necessary, he'd get cross and irritable...
And while he would say it was fine e.g. if we stop for coffee and there isn't anything for him to eat, I didn't feel comfortable eating something when he "couldn't".

stella47 · 08/07/2020 17:26

Ah, cross-posted with you, ShinyMe. Yes, I experienced very similar, also in London (not exactly the most tricky place to find somewhere to eat!). I sympathise.

ShinyMe · 08/07/2020 17:33

@stella47 - After 24 hours I refused to not eat just because he wasn't, but it certainly wasn't fun having to eat really fast and to be made to feel guilt about it. I know plenty of fussy eaters aren't like this (and I honestly think my ex had more going on that being a 'fussy eater') and if he'd been able to sit and chat and still enjoy a drink and a conversation while I ate that would have been fine, but he seemed to begrudge me spending any time eating and then asked me why I couldn't just eat an apple or something.

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