Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL dressing like my bridesmaids

190 replies

Hiccupp · 06/07/2020 18:45

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

OP posts:
Babs709 · 06/07/2020 21:19

If she was wearing the same dress as your bridesmaids then fair enough ...she has literally bought a bridesmaids dress the same as the bridesmaids

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/07/2020 21:21

What about embarrassing op? This is her wedding. Her mil has had her time or wedding. Her job is to gracefully support the couple, not become an object of attention.

tonercartridges · 06/07/2020 21:24

Glad to see ppl think it isn't an issue. A relative is getting married (next year now) and DD is a bridesmaid. It's quite informal and relaxed but the bride wants her bridesmaids all to wear the same colour - although they can choose their dresses and the style, shade etc.

Problem is, before I knew what that colour was I had bought a lovely dress - which just happens also to be that colour. As no-one else will know what the BMs are wearing I imagine lots of people will also wear that colour, or could do? I did ask her on the whatsapp chat but she didn't reply, so I don't know if that means she didn't read the message, doesn't care, or is really annoyed.....

She's quite relaxed and a bit scatty so I'm guessing it's no big deal, if she even read the message - but I don't want to keep banging on. But it's reassuring to read here that most MNers don't think it's a problem........Smile

Alfr · 06/07/2020 21:24

At least she'll match. My bridemaids wore dark red, I wore cream, and the flowers were dark red and cream. The groom and his entourage all wore dark red or cream waistcoats.
My mother wore bright blue and my MIL wore bright pink...both lovely outfits, but they made the photo's look very odd!

CrazyToast · 06/07/2020 21:26

Honestly, it really doesnt matter. You'll still have a lovely day and you'll still be married at the end of it. Now if she was wearing a long white gown, that would be another matter!

I know everyone wants the wedding day to be perfect but it isnt things like this which make a day, or a marriage, good or bad. Just forget it, you'll look beautiful and that is what matters.

MrsGrindah · 06/07/2020 21:26

As I have said , two wrongs don’t make a right in my opinion and in these circumstances.Id err on the side of it’s done with now and focus on the important stuff.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 06/07/2020 21:35

I actually think navy is an odd colour for bridesmaids, much more mil colour.

Good thing it's not your wedding then, isn't it?

As for the MiLs turning up to their sons' weddings in wedding dresses, why on earth would these women want to appear to be marrying their own sons? Just faintly weird doesn't even cover it: there's a Jocasta vibe to that behaviour that's full-on repulsive and bizarre in the extreme. Who the hell are these people?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/07/2020 21:39

toner
That’s completely different. You didn’t buy a bridesmaids dress to match your dd, who is a bridesmaid.

MrsGrindah
This would be a hill to die on for me. The mil is absolutely making a statement that her wants are more important than those of the b&g.

There are so many threads, where ops let their MIL’s take the piss and they end up with their boundaries increasingly encroached on. It is extremely odd to dress the same as your child. The woman would appear to have poor boundaries. If op mentioned this point, that would be rude.

I’ve had my family walk all over me and I know now it is better to call out cheeky fuckery and piss taking before it goes too far.

Pixie2015 · 06/07/2020 21:52

Life’s too short be happy she’s wearing something she’s comfortable in - concentrate on what you can control - after all the weddings cancelled this year this seems insignificant

Italiangreyhound · 06/07/2020 21:54

Hiccupp YADNBU, I think it is very weird that people are saying it is not a big deal. I think it is a big deal. But on the day she will be the one who looks silly.

Can you talk to her and say that you think it will look unusual for her to be wearing a dress the same/similar as the bridesmaids.

randolph78 · 06/07/2020 21:55

I've never understood why people get hung up on what people wear to their weddings.

tara66 · 06/07/2020 21:56

Change the bridesmaids' colour.

Zogtastic · 06/07/2020 21:57

@jessstan2 - sorry my mistake when typing. I should have said she most definitely said she wanted to make sure she didn’t turn up in the same colour or a clashing one. In front of many members of mine and DH family too - so I am confident of my recollection. She most definitely lied. I didn’t make a fuss or even comment on it because really wasn’t that big a deal but like Op has indicated it felt a bit “off” somehow...and was, as will be unsurprising to some of the posters here who’ve said similar, with hindsight, most definitely indicative of a boundary issue. Nothing they’ve done has been a big issue for me but they've hurt my DH with their behaviour from time to time.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 06/07/2020 21:57

I always try to co ordinate or blend / complement the wedding colour scheme as I always think I'm helping make nice photos for the couple last few royal snd hello magazine weddings I've noticed the parents have co ordinated or been in a shade that's made for nice group shots
I assume she's just aiming for this rather than dressing inappropriately to upset you.
If she is a normal person a quiet word will do the trick if it really bothers you that much

RightOnTheEdge · 06/07/2020 22:00

I voted YABU OP but then changed it to YANBU.
It is very weird of her to buy the actual same dress as your bridesmaids.

1ForAllnAllFor1 · 06/07/2020 22:03

Ok read your updates and if it was actuallt the exact dress as from the bridesmaids then she is so so silly.

Fruitsaladjelly · 06/07/2020 22:17

I’d handle this by changing your bridesmaid dresses to a different colour, even if just to a different shade of blue and then say to mil “Are you set on wanting the navy? If so I’ll change the bridesmaid colour to x as I don’t think it appropriate to have you in the same dress in the same colour, we need to make sure you are distinctly different, otherwise people from my family will be wondering who the extra bridesmaid without flowers is and where the mother of the groom is”.... just be blunt. Hopefully this will be enough to make her see sense and choose an alternative style or colour.

Fruitsaladjelly · 06/07/2020 22:21

As mog out ranks bridesmaid I’m not sure why she’d look to down grade her position in the bridal party

UnicornAndSparkles · 06/07/2020 22:33

My mother wore white to my wedding, and told everyone it was HER special day 🙃 we ignored it, it's not about your MiL, no one will care what she wears

seaviewsbeyond · 07/07/2020 09:54

Bridezilla alert!

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/07/2020 09:59

I have actually been to a wedding where the Mother of the bride wore an ivory gown with a small train.

I really need to hear more about this. This is bonkers. What did the bride think? The groom? Why did the MotB do that?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/07/2020 10:07

'Oh that's a shame MIL. You will now blandly just blend in with the wedding party and I was hoping you would stand out more than that. You know, make a statement that shows you are mother of the groom. But if you feel navy is your colour then I'm more than happy for you to blend rather than stand out.'

Evelefteden · 07/07/2020 10:13

@Iwalkinmyclothing

I have actually been to a wedding where the Mother of the bride wore an ivory gown with a small train.

I really need to hear more about this. This is bonkers. What did the bride think? The groom? Why did the MotB do that?

The MoB organised the whole thing. She was starting her new business off as a wedding planner and even left business cards on each table so obviously she felt it was her time to shine GrinShock

Don’t know what the bride thought about it. I don’t think it was a particular nice day for her. She looked very fragile. The grooms family had quite a bit to say about it, you could feel lots of tension in the air.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 07/07/2020 10:28

When I thought she was just wearing the same colour I thought you were being unreasonable, but actually wearing the same style of dress is strange. TBH I would think it strange for anyone who is not a bridesmaid to wear that dress style, whatever the colour, when she is free to choose any outfit she wants.

Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 07/07/2020 10:34

We had this exact same problem. My DH discussed it with her and said that he wanted her to look special on his special day (rather than blend in as one of many women wearing the same colour) so she stood out as Mother of the Groom. And then we heaped praise on her eventual dress choice saying she's look amazing. And we suggested a pale pink that went with the colour scheme we had chosen (royal blue)

Swipe left for the next trending thread