MIL dressing like my bridesmaids

[Hiccupp]

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

Let people wear what they like. If they're happy in their outfit, they'll enjoy the day better.

Honestly, nobody will care on the day. After the wedding, you will look at your wedding photos a couple of times; pick out a few nice ones to frame and that will be that.

Jeez, I hope you are wrong @AdaColeman - I have only sons and so hope that at least my DH and I will care what I wear as a (future) mother of the groom!

@Sunnydayshereatlast - what a horrid sentiment.

It will look better in the pictures.

It will look better in the pictures.

Is it too late to change your bm dress colour?
We had a dusky blue colour and my mum wore navy. It looked lovely on the pics. I always think that the same colour palette looks nicer than clashing.
It would make her odd choice less obvious. Navy is pretty neutral do I would think that her dress would blend into the background if the bms are in a different shade.

My daughter's bridesmaids wore purple an so did I, she helped me choose the dress. It's really no biggy.

When my DD got married both I and her MIL wore a shade of the same colour but obviously nothing like a bridesmaid dress. It just looks better in photos so that is probably why she is doing it. Anyone with eyes will clearly see she is not a bridesmaid so why does it matter to you?

Ha ha! My MIL did this. We went for a “kingfisher” blue colour for the bridesmaid dresses & matched DH’s cravate to it. My MIL asked if she could see the bridesmaid dresses. I said she couldn’t as it was all a surprise for the day. She asked if she could see a corner of the material as she would hate to chose a colour that clashed...& then rocked up to the wedding in a bespoke handmade silk outfit in exactly the same colour! It was the not the first plausible lies from DH parents and one example of many of batshit behaviour. And yes it was manageable till we had kids and then they pushed my DH too far!

There is a whole load of colours to chose from - yes a guest could end up turning up in the same colour but For a Mother of the Groom to deliberately choose an outfit from the same range & in the same colour as the bridesmaids is unusual at best. If I had the opportunity to completely change the bridesmaids dresses without telling anyone and surprising everyone on the day...that’s what I would do!

OP life is really too short. Don’t hurt her feelings. I know it’s your big day but seriously all the other guests are not that bothered.

Just be thankful OP that you know in advance what your MIL plans on wearing ... My ex MIL turned up at my wedding to Ex wearing a white suit! This was after me spending a whole weekend taking her shopping for the perfect baby blue outfit she desperately wanted. Turns out she 'changed her mind' the day before the wedding and turned up in white. I was furious when I spotted her walking down the aisle!!!

It’s completely fine & different if the brides mother and groom’s mother’s outfits are coordinated in with the bride & groom’s knowledge and agreement.

Those saying keep quiet that you don’t like it so you don’t hurt your future MIL’s feelings - I’m not sure why her feelings matter more than yours? And this might be one day - but, depending on the subtext, it could be the start of a lifetime of boundary issues. If it bothers you, then it’s important - and either just change the bridesmaids dresses or ask her if she wouldn’t mind keeping looking. If if doesn’t both you, then it’s fine to stay as is.

I have actually been to a wedding where the Mother of the bride wore an ivory gown with a small train.

When they were stood side my side you couldn’t tell who was actually getting married - and she walked her down the isle it was really fucking weird. It was the main topic of the night to be honest.

Let her embarrass herself. It doesnt reflect on you. Its not worth falling out over and at least she isnt trying to compete with you!

Zogtastic Mon 06-Jul-20 20:46:28
Ha ha! My MIL did this. We went for a “kingfisher” blue colour for the bridesmaid dresses & matched DH’s cravate to it. My MIL asked if she could see the bridesmaid dresses. I said she couldn’t as it was all a surprise for the day. She asked if she could see a corner of the material as she would hate to chose a colour that clashed...& then rocked up to the wedding in a bespoke handmade silk outfit in exactly the same colour! It was the not the first plausible lies from DH parents and one example of many of batshit behaviour.
...
That was not batshit behaviour. She wore something that didn't clash but blended with the colours of the bridal party. I don't know what she lied about, she said she didn't want to clash and didn't. I'm sure it all looked quite classy on the day. Better that than lime green surely!

Whatever she has done since, that was not at all a bad action.

Cornishclio Mon 06-Jul-20 20:44:07
When my DD got married both I and her MIL wore a shade of the same colour but obviously nothing like a bridesmaid dress. It just looks better in photos so that is probably why she is doing it. Anyone with eyes will clearly see she is not a bridesmaid so why does it matter to you?
......
I quite agree, it's lovely to do that. I think the op is being offended for the sake of being offended. Whatever the woman wore wouldn't be right.

NailsNeedDoing Mon 06-Jul-20 19:53:59
Yanbu OP, that is really weird. Even just the same colour would be weird simply because it’s not the done thing
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On the contrary it is very much 'the done thing'.

@MrsGrindah

OP life is really too short. Don’t hurt her feelings. I know it’s your big day but seriously all the other guests are not that bothered.

What about ops feelings? Her mil is planning on wearing a bridesmaids dress!

Well at least she's not going to be wearing a near see through white trouser suit and going commando like the Mil in one of the classic wedding threads in the past 😬

some of you could be dead by then.

@RaininSummer

The navy wouldn't be odd but the full length dress in that style will.

I don't think the full length dress would look odd. It depends on the persona figure. My mam looked beautiful in a full length dress at my wedding (it was similar style to OP bridesmaid dresses but different colour) it was part of the bridesmaid section and she had a jacket custom made. She is tall and slim so it suited her. All of the mother of bride outfits she had saw looked frumpy like what my grandma would wear.

Yes but two wrongs don’t make a right. I’m just saying it’s not worth it.

Yabu. Let the women wear what she wants to for her sons wedding. If she was wearing the same dress as your bridesmaids then fair enough, but lots of people wear navy to a wedding so are you planning to get face on with any other guest if they wear the same colour?

What’s wrong with saying “ Mil, the bridesmaids dresses are for bridesmaids only. Please choose another dress. “

Nothing wrong at all. But it could hurt or embarrass her. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s worth it.