MIL dressing like my bridesmaids

[Hiccupp]

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

Summerhouse that is very norty funny

I think a navy dress would look good as is with your colour scheme would all match. But its odd she is buying one of the bridesmaids exact dresses (the ones in the picture are clearly bridesmaids and not typical mother of the groom). Don't tell her anything more about the wedding. Give her one specific task.

Get your mum to share her dress ideas - maybe they could go shopping together? Big hat and jacket. Say the florist is saying she will need a proper jacket as mothers are having jacket sprays.

Part of me thinks why does it matter but then I remember getting really stressed out when my mums husband was trying to dress the same as our fathers on our wedding day. I might making a jokey comment "oh wow people will think you're a bridesmaid" but I don't really think you can tell her not to wear it.

Yes, she's gone for the same range, after we looked through some example. My BMs (including her DD, my SIL to be) and I agreed on the skirt and wanted three different styles at the top. This means we can't have the one MIL to be has picked! I guess it will look totally different with accessories and I'm lucky we did choose navy, as maybe it'll be less noticeably a version of basically the same dress than if it were a very specific shade!

Thanks to all for the comments, from experience, about keeping this in perspective. I just wanted a sense of whether my gut reaction was right that this is odd!

I accidentally, as MOB, wore a dress that was a bit too much like the bridesmaid dresses - they were wearing dusky pink, I had bought a great dress in navy, then due to sizing problems etc the bridesmaids were changed to navy - with similar lace sleeves. I offered to look for another outfit for me but the bride, my DD , insisted not and I just laughed it off in the day.

The mother of the groom had been very keen to know what I was wearing so that we weren’t twins - had something made, then bought something entirely different the day before ! Looked lovely, and would have looked lovely in the other one, The mischievous part of me idly wanted her to turn up in navy lace as well so we could all look as though we had over matched the entire female contingent of the wedding party.

oh, she actually bought a bridesmaid dress then?

It's definitely weird.

You need to accessorize your bridesmaids and I would chose a a sash belt, in white/cream with some diamanté, or blush/antique rose with a flower. Or I'd change the dresses for a different colour altogether. Go for a lighter blue.

You get in well with her? Then why not suggest you help her look for a dress. (You’d love to, it’ll be great fun!) Can still be navy, but one that’s less bridesmaidy. Tell her a porkie, say your mum, sister someone has got the same dress.

Did you actually say It's not her place?
Best of luck for the rest of your married life

I would get it if you’d picked peach or an obscure colour, but you picked navy.

So she’s bought a bridesmaid dress?

Odd. Very odd.

I thought it was the norm for the mothers of the b/g to wear a coordinating colour to the bridal party, if not the actual colour itself

I'd say she was being considerate to go with your colour scheme. If she'd have picked something that clashed would she have been accused of trying to steal the limelight?

It’s her choice but you can try telling her the truth - that she’ll look like just another bridesmaid and not stand out. As Mother of the Groom she should stand out.

I think it's quite normal to go with a colour scheme. It beats having all sorts of clashing colours in the photographs. MIL won't be buying herself a bridesmaid's dress, just something that tones in. Nice.

I’m sure lots of guests will be wearing navy as it is such a safe colour and easy to accessorise. You can wear it again too rather than a dusky pink etc. I honestly cannot are what the problem is. Let’s hope none of the male guests wear a suit otherwise they may look like the groom.

You’ve said ‘she loves to match her DD at any event’. Is her DD a bridesmaid? Please tell me her DD is 5 or 6.

@LockdownDowner Were you at my wedding and saw my MIL? :)

I thought you were being ridiculous until you said she's literally chosen a bridesmaid dress from the same range your bridesmaids are wearing. It's not like she's gone down Debenhams and picked out any old navy dress.
Well....it is weird but she's only going to show herself up.

You'd hate me I was heavy pregnant 2 weeks before due date and the only dress I could find was a purple one and I wore it to my bdro and sils wedding they didn't have adult bridesmaids just flower girl but they colour scheme was purple. I wanted an outfit i was comfortable in that fit l was light for a summer wedding. My comfort was priority. You're mil might like darker colours and want to match with the wedding party. My own mil wore cream i wasn't bothered.

YANBU, despite some of the very odd comments above.

Your MIL to be has deliberately purchased a co-ordinating bridesmaids dress. That is not usual at all.

If it is early next year I would just secretly buy some contrasting boleros and give them out on the day. Also discuss in detail with the photographer which photos you want and who stands where. You can easily manage the situation and to be honest 20 years on if it isn't in the photos it didn't happen.

Ffs who cares.

OP, my MIL wore jeans and a sweaty top to my wedding because it was by her dying son's ICU bed.

You're marrying the man you love. Literally NONE OF THE OTHER TRIVIAL SHIT MATTERS. It's a marriage, not a wedding.

Get some perspective and count your blessings

@maras2 No, I only said that here. I haven't said much about it, as I was quite bemused. Based on the comments here, I'm willing to bet she would just pass it off as navy suiting everyone and it being quite likely that others will wear it, the style being flattering, not wanting to stand out as different from the wedding party... And getting away with wearing a dress that I wanted my bridesmaid to be able to wear.

As I say, in some ways it being navy does make it less obvious than another colour would be and it's not the end of the world of she does it. I just can't imagine my own mum doing it, or not asking if she thought it a good idea.

Ah - picked YABU at first as thought just a colour choice issue but if it is from exact range, it is a bit of a strange choice.

I've changed to YANBU but would just leave as not worth starting a MIL issue over. Shrug shoulders, smile, think of the long game and have a big of a private giggle. Her choice won't reflect badly on you but being gracious about it will reflect very well indeed.