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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL dressing like my bridesmaids

190 replies

Hiccupp · 06/07/2020 18:45

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

OP posts:
orangesandapplesandpearsohmy · 06/07/2020 19:55

Let her crack on, does it matter if she’s wearing the same colour?

Greatdomestic · 06/07/2020 20:00

Sorry but this has really made me laugh.

I disagree with those saying no one will notice. EVERYONE will notice the Mother of the Groom dressed like a bridesmaid. And will comment on it and think she is crackers.

I have asked a family member what colour the bridesmaids were wearing so that I didn't dress myself or my daughter in the same colour. Not so that I could match in.

This is bonkers behaviour in my view.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 06/07/2020 20:01

I do think some of you are being horribly bitchy about the poor lady.

I’ll admit that I’ve no interest in fancy weddings but why do some of you believe that ‘the wedding‘ is all about the bride???

She’s the groom’s mum. Without her input, they’d be no wedding in the first place! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I

Jenasaurus · 06/07/2020 20:02

At least shes not wearing a long white ball gown :)

Seriously though, this thread has made me anxious, my DS is getting married in the next 2 years (depending on the virus situation). What is the mother of the groom supposed to wear to weddings so as not to cause offence? Mind you I have a lovely relationship with my DS GF so am sure they will have a chat with me about what I can and cant wear nearer the time. I may have to get in touch with his GF DM to make sure we dont clash too :)

drumandthebass · 06/07/2020 20:02

Doesn't your soon to be SIL want to say anything to her?

rach2713 · 06/07/2020 20:04

To become honest I had my bridesmaids in royal blue and my mum picked the same color dress but different style and I didn't actually notice until a few years later so it didn't bother me and no one else mentioned it so I wouldn't let it bother you and what's to say one of your guests wear the same color aswell there is more to worry about then the colour

diddl · 06/07/2020 20:05

@orangesandapplesandpearsohmy

Let her crack on, does it matter if she’s wearing the same colour?
She's also wearing the same dress!
Fairyliz · 06/07/2020 20:05

I actually think navy is an odd colour for bridesmaids, much more mil colour.
How old are your bridesmaids?

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/07/2020 20:05

If it looks nice and she is nice ask her to add some colour with accessories so she doesn't blend in with the bridesmaids.

BeanbagMcTavish · 06/07/2020 20:05

There is a long history there though including her buying the same clothes as me and then turning up to the same occasion wearing it.

Wow, that is one sure way to make herself look creepy and sad and also a tiny little bit deranged.

The MIL on this thread is really not going to come off well either.

Greatdomestic · 06/07/2020 20:07

Sorry, this has really made me laugh.

I disagree with those saying no one will notice.

EVERYONE will notice the Mother of the Groom in a bridesmaid dress, the same as your bridesmaids. And talk about it. She will be the talk of your wedding for the wrong reasons.

Greatdomestic · 06/07/2020 20:11

Sorry, I posted too soon.

I think she needs to be told she can't wear that dress to the wedding as she is not a bridesmaid.

There are literally millions of other dresses she could choose from, even if she wants to stick to navy.

MrsKingfisher · 06/07/2020 20:12

Op if you get on with your MIL perhaps she's doing it to be a little closer to you rather than muscle in? When dh and I got married neither dh or my mum were there his had died and mine had terminal cancer so she and my dad watched the ceremony over Skype. I know it's a really important day for you but honestly no one will care and you're getting married it's the marriage that counts not the wedding.

Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful day!

BessMarvin · 06/07/2020 20:14

@TheHandStandBand

Don't even sweat it, no one will care or notice. I PROMISE YOU.
She's going to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids. I would expect the photographer to notice at an absolute minimum. In fact that could lead to some awkward photo staging moments.
Iwalkinmyclothing · 06/07/2020 20:16

I do think it's a bit weird tbh. Wearing the exact same as the bridesmaids? Odd. I'd notice and think she was being very strange!

GabsAlot · 06/07/2020 20:18

er no thats weird buy a bm dress-my mum twice didnt wear anything matching brdiesmaid not even colour

maybe if she gets a hat it might look better but still

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 06/07/2020 20:20

Kim, there's people that are dying.

but, get her to wear a hat.

TheStuffedPenguin · 06/07/2020 20:23

@Hiccupp

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

Did you say we don't want guests to wear navy ? i think she has taken you mentioning the colour scheme as suggesting that it was a good choice.
Pixxie7 · 06/07/2020 20:25

You may find it’s nothing to do with your bridesmaids, navy is a popular choice for wedding outfits.

GU24Mum · 06/07/2020 20:30

As it's navy, it will be far less obvious than if you'd chosen, say, burnt orange.

I still remember my friend's wedding whether both mothers wore outfits from the same range at Country Casuals or something similar. One mother was youthful and trim - wore the fitted dress, jacket and "the hat"; the other was older and had a less good figure - wore the pleated skirt, blazer and "the hat". Rumour has it they didn't speak from that day until the divorce..........

BlueJava · 06/07/2020 20:33

I'd just leave it - don't change your mind on the bridesmaid dresses and don't say anything to her. Slightly strange thing for her to do, but she's the one that'll look a bit weird on the day not you.

BeanbagMcTavish · 06/07/2020 20:33

RTFT people,

THE MIL IS PLANNING TO WEAR A BRIDESMAID'S DRESS,

one which is exactly the same as the bridesmaids at this wedding will be wearing. Same range, same colour, same style, everything. It's not just a random navy outfit.

BeanbagMcTavish · 06/07/2020 20:34

Sorry, that wasn't aimed at the most recent posters!

fruitbrewhaha · 06/07/2020 20:35

You may find it’s nothing to do with your bridesmaids, navy is a popular choice for wedding outfits.

RTFT she has bought the same bridesmaid dress. A nice navy suit with a pretty blouse, or a navy skirt with a cream jacket, or a navy and white patterned tailored dress would look lovely and inkeeping, but the MIL has bought one of the bridesmaid dresses OP is getting.

I think I'd actually tell her not to wear it. Or change the bridesmaid dresses and not tell anyone.

macaroniandpizza · 06/07/2020 20:36

There is matching with the colour scheme then matching with the colour scheme in an almost identical dress to the bridesmaids 🙈🙈

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