MIL dressing like my bridesmaids

[Hiccupp]

DP and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme / choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy, with various different straps etc., DP's mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same shade that completely blends in with the shape and style.

AIBU in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaids? I expected her to want to join in having her hair and make up done with us (she loves to match her DD at any event) and am pleased we normally have that sort of relationship, but I thought the mother of the groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme if not her own thing entirely!

At SD's wedding a surprisingly large number of female guests turned up wearing navy blue. I think you'll find it's a very popular choice. Have it for your bridesmaids, there will he no mistaking them, but dont be surprised if a lot of guests wear it too.

@jessstan2

I think it's quite normal to go with a colour scheme. It beats having all sorts of clashing colours in the photographs. MIL won't be buying herself a bridesmaid's dress, just something that tones in. Nice.

Read the thread. MIL has bought a bridesmaids dress, in fact from the exact same range as the bridesmaids!

Sorry did not realise she actually bought a bridesmaid dress. BBS = bridesmaid by stealth. It's odd sure but it's also quite sweet. It would be a beautiful DIL thing to embrace this weirdness eccentricity.

This is the kind of thing that wouldn't bother me as the bride, but if I was a wedding guest I would never wear a dress exactly the same colour as the bridesmaids, if I knew it in advance.
But maybe she's just trying to match your colour scheme?

I wouldn't think this is a big deal. At least it's not white.

I really wouldn’t see this as an issue.

@Grobagsforever I'm sorry for what you went through and I accept this is trivial in comparison.

My MIL got herself a white dress for my wedding. She took it too literally when she asked if there were any colours banned and I said no

Just read your update. If you haven't ordered your bridesmaid dresses yet, I would probably change the colour.

An actual bridesmaid dress! Unless she was a teenager mother herself, she's going to look a bit daft.

I don't think it's worth upsetting her over, and I completely get that it's not the worst thing she could have done or I could be dealing with.

But it's not even really about how she will look. My BMs will be obvious and if anyone realises she matches her DD (in her twenties, not 5 or 6...) it'll be her who looks strange. It just feels like she might be trying to make a point or undermine me for some reason.

Definitely weird.

But if she really wants to set herself up for direct visual comparisons with a group of women 20+ years younger than her... then good luck to her. Unless she is Cher then this will not make her look good.

Don't even sweat it, no one will care or notice. I PROMISE YOU.

@titsbumfannythelot

Oh dear. What does DP think?

He or she probably won’t give a fuck.

Think yourself lucky that she hasn’t bought a dress the same as yours. Let her wear whatever she wants, no one cares what the mother of the groom wears!

Ps really missed wedding threads in all the doom and gloom....yay for posting OP!

Well I bought a pale pink dress (Ted baker, with some flowers on it) to wear to my step daughter's wedding and when i showed her she said 'great - the bridesmaids are wearing a similar shade and it will look good in the photos!'. So stop making a fuss about nothing.

She likes to match her 20 something DD at any event? Is she one of those women who say ‘people mistake us for sisters’?

Same colour = not that weird
Same dress = really really fucking weird

Those dresses you have posted are more royal blue than navy.

She really won’t be the only other person in navy, it is a fairly common colour for smart outfits. She will also look part of the wedding party, which she is . It seems a bit mean to get annoyed that she is wearing the same neutral colour as the bridesmaids.
I didn’t give a thought to what my MIL wore, it was up to her. She wore cream and looked lovely. Unless someone pitches up in a long white dress, or all black, then why mind ?

SirVixofVixHall not just the same neutral colour, the same style, she’s literally brought a bridesmaids dress.

Op I can def recommend a mil - free wedding...
Mutton dressed as lamb is the correct expression here imo.

YANBU. My mum did this, I'd picked a 50s style tea length wedding dress and so chose bridesmaids dresses of a similar style from a website that specialises in that sort of dress. When I told my mum, she insisted on getting a dress from the same website even though she had never dressed in anything of that style before. I put my foot down and told her she would look ridiculous. Not so easy to do that with your mother in law though.
She ended up with a dress in a similar style from monsoon instead 🤷‍♀️ There is a long history there though including her buying the same clothes as me and then turning up to the same occasion wearing it.

Yanbu OP, that is really weird. Even just the same colour would be weird simply because it’s not the done thing, most people are pretty familiar with wedding etiquette. It’s so weird that I can’t believe no ones told her that the MOG doesn’t wear a bridesmaid dress.

Although this matters to you now, it really won’t matter on the day or any time after. From experience, I pretty much guarantee it.

I’d expect it to be noticed by people, but it won’t reflect on you, people might just think your mil is weird, or attention seeking. I don’t think it’s come from a place where she’s trying to undermine you or make a point towards you. I’d say it’s more likely to be related to how she feels about herself, maybe she’s desperate to fit in and feel important, maybe she doesn’t have the confidence to choose something that she thinks will look. Whatever it is, it’s about her, not you.