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Original poster

To get a dog even though dd is afraid of them

139 replies

WhosThatGirl89 · 06/07/2020 14:46

Genuinely interested in people's opinions and advice. Dd(5) doesn't like dogs. Whenever we're out and a dog comes anywhere near dd she practically climbs up me and makes me carry her until its gone. If the dog is on a lead she will pull on my hand.
She will, however hold the lead of my friends dog for walks. But if the dog turns to go near her she'll back away.
So here's my question. If we got a dog would it help dd's fear or make it worse?
Yabu- don't get a dog
Yanbu- get a dog

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 06/07/2020 14:49

Eh? Surely this is an insane idea Hmm

If you get a dog and it cures her fear, everyone's a winner. if you get a dog and it doesn't, you're left with a dog that is constantly on edge because a member of the family doesn't like it, and a daughter who doesn't feel safe in her own home.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2020 14:49

Don't get a dog.

What would you plan on doing if she didn't get over her fear?

GrimDamnFanjo · 06/07/2020 14:49

Firstly do you know why she is afraid of dogs?
My DS has a friend who us terrified of almost all animals. It's a phobia and a mental health issue not "just " being afraid. You could make the situation much worse.

Toilenstripes · 06/07/2020 14:51

Don’t get a dog. You will likely end up giving it up and it might not get a second chance.

AfterSchoolWorry · 06/07/2020 14:53

God, no.

SuperMumTum · 06/07/2020 14:53

I really dislike dogs. I'm not afraid of them now I'm an adult but it would have presented that way when I was a child. The thought of touching a dog or having one near me makes me feel physically sick. I don't think you should deliberately bring something into your home that your child is afraid of. That's pretty mean.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 06/07/2020 14:54

We got ddog when dd was 3. Her fear was getting ridiculous..and unfounded imo.
She sobbed all the way home when we picked up dpuppy.
She quickly changed into a ddog loving confident girl.
Ds wasn't keen at 5 but also quickly converted.

Fruitbatdancer · 06/07/2020 14:55

Friend has 3 girls, one terrified of dogs. I was very doubtful when They got a golden retriever, daughter saw it as sleepy tiny puppy, was slowly introduced at breeders home twice, then when puppy home, no forced just encouraged contact, baby gate ensured puppy and daughter had safe areas to play, literally took about 3 months, now best friends, dog sleeps by daughters bed, completely comfortable, still wary of other dogs, but done well it’s worked out fine. And obvs dog now bigger than her! Friends daughter is 6, and fear stemmed from bad experience with out of control dogs on beach (strangers) when she was about 3.

LunchBoxPolice · 06/07/2020 14:56

I was scared of dogs as a child and if my parents had brought one into the home I’d have been terrified and upset.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/07/2020 14:56

I'd be curious to know the logic of the people voting get a dog.

DS doesn't like dogs, but he isn't around many and was tolerating them. We stopped with a friend for a week and assumed he'd get used to her dog - lovely old thing, doesn't really talk to anyone, sits in his armchair and waits for you to feed him. Neighbour round once a day to walk him.

The whole week DS would back around the dogs chair and sit the opposite end of the sofa. You'd think he ws relaxed but of the dog so much as stretched, DS was watching. He barely moved from the chair unless he was with me (DS I mean) but was totally chilled and relaxed in his room where he knew the dog couldn't get. It was such an awful week, I felt so bad that I'd put him in that position.
And this was an old, placid thing who ignore DS for a week.

Do not get a dog.

HeyAssbutt · 06/07/2020 14:56

I should also add that dd has never had a bad experience with a dog. Also she often says she wants one. We've also been to rescues before and she'd been really excited about getting one. This is why I'm confused!

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 06/07/2020 14:57

No.

Puppies are very hard work, they bite, they jump up, they steal toys and if your DD is afraid of dogs then having a manic monster in the house will be a disaster.

GlitterDragon · 06/07/2020 14:57

Don’t get the dog at the moment, that’s just cruel. Not everyone likes dogs and if you are a dog lover you won’t be able to fully understand how uncomfortable this makes her feel.

Of course, she might change her feelings as she gets older and then you can revisit the idea.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2020 14:58

I'm shocked you would even consider getting a dog. A scared, anxious child living with a dog is a recipe for disaster.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 06/07/2020 14:58

Take her somewhere she can have positive interactions with dogs. Take her somewhere she might be able to begin getting over her fears. Support her to build her confidence interacting with dogs. But fear is a visceral reaction to something that some people genuinely can't control, so needs to be approached sensitively.

If she had a phobia of spiders you wouldn't put a bonnet on a tarantula and stick it on her bedside table. Because that would be ridiculous. What you're suggesting is the equivalent. Small steps. Tiny.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/07/2020 14:58

@Sunnydayshereatlast

We got ddog when dd was 3. Her fear was getting ridiculous..and unfounded imo. She sobbed all the way home when we picked up dpuppy. She quickly changed into a ddog loving confident girl. Ds wasn't keen at 5 but also quickly converted.
And if she hadn't? If she'd kept crying every toem she saw him, or withdraw into herself, if the fear hadn't resolved, would you have just made her out up with it or would you have got rid of the dog?
AlternativePerspective · 06/07/2020 14:59

I think children should, where possible, be encouraged past their fear. Too many parents pander imo.

I would get a dog.

Hoppinggreen · 06/07/2020 15:00

There’s a big difference between helping a child conquer a fear and bringing the fear home to live with them!
Don’t get a dog

pigsDOfly · 06/07/2020 15:01

No don't get a dog in the hope that it will cure her fear, it's too much of a gamble.

If you take on a dog you should do it with the idea in your head that this is going to be the dogs home for life, not well maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't.

Have a look at Dog Trust website, they do a lot of work in helping children get over their fear of dogs.

There are workshops you can take children to to help with the problem as well. Although, I imagine they're aren't working at the moment.

There are a lot of ideas and things you can do to work towards getting your DD comfortable with dogs, going out and buying a dog is not one of them.

Dugsbollox · 06/07/2020 15:01

No, I wouldn't get a dog right now. I'd work on her fear with her, and only after that is resolved would I consider getting a dog.

Bert2020 · 06/07/2020 15:03

As someone that spent near on 40 years scared after being chased and pinned as a toddler I would say don’t get one! I used to cross the road and everything. My DH is a dog whisperer and I trust him wholeheartedly and he has helped me to be able to be in the same room as in-laws dogs now but hell the would be no way one would love with us. It’s a proper fear, do not bring one into your daughters safe place.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 06/07/2020 15:03

My decision was partly based on a friend's phobia that had gotten seriously out of hand - affecting her dc enormously.. I wanted it nipped in the bud as dc - not growing up to be a state like friend ..
For example leaving the pram and bolting leaving dc unattended!! When she came to my house I happily locked ddog out. Dfriend had to hold the key the whole visit so she absolutely knew ddog couldn't get in.. Her dd was following in similar footsteps - until her ds had an accident and I had to have dd at our house. I told her matter of factly I would not be able to lock ddog out for days.. Her dd was open to the idea of meeting ddog and it went amazingly! No fear - just imitating her dm... Sad those dc missed out imo...

FudgeBrownie2019 · 06/07/2020 15:03

I think there's a way to encourage a child out of fearful behaviour that doesn't involve getting a dog.

What if it goes hideously wrong and OP has to rehome the dog? Another dog in another rescue. There are ways to help OP's DD through her fear that don't involve using a live animal as an experiment. We have two dogs and I am respectful that some guests to our house don't like dogs. I don't throw the dogs at them and shout "catch" because it would be totally invalidating their fear. Buying a dog when you know a child is afraid of them invalidates that fear, and will likely lead to more fearful, reactive behaviour.

happyfeet245 · 06/07/2020 15:05

My 11 year old was scared of dogs, we got a dog, introduced them when the dog was tiny, they loved each other after a while. We now have two dogs and he had no fear at all.

Canyousewcushions · 06/07/2020 15:06

Don't get a dog if your main motivation is to cure DD's fear; that's not the right reason to get a dog and they are a lot of work to look after properly.

However, if you really really want one I wouldn't let DD put you off. Getting a teeny little cute puppy is completely different from having occasional interactions with bouncy adult dogs elsewhere, and of course at 5, a large dog would seem really huge and daunting to her. The likelihood is she'd come round really quickly, but you would also need a contingency plan just in case she didn't.

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