To get a dog even though dd is afraid of them

[WhosThatGirl89]

Genuinely interested in people's opinions and advice. Dd(5) doesn't like dogs. Whenever we're out and a dog comes anywhere near dd she practically climbs up me and makes me carry her until its gone. If the dog is on a lead she will pull on my hand.
She will, however hold the lead of my friends dog for walks. But if the dog turns to go near her she'll back away.
So here's my question. If we got a dog would it help dd's fear or make it worse?
Yabu- don't get a dog
Yanbu- get a dog

It might cure her fear. Or it might make her constantly on edge and end up with both her and the dog being miserable and you needing to give up the dog. There’s no way to know which way it’ll go.

YABU to get a dog while the whole family isn’t happy with the idea.

I did this. My dd grew to love our dog. She’s still terrified of other dogs

I've been afraid of dogs all my life. I am around dogs quite a lot as most of my friends and relatives have them, they understand my fears and as I know their dogs I'm ok. I would never go on a dog walk with them because of the sheer numbers of dogs running off the lead who I don't know, I would be jumpy and nervous so I just don't do it. An irrational fear is not cured this way.

I went to a friend's house who assured me her puppy was sweet and gentle. It was an aggressive, snappy, growling little shit who kept jumping up at me so high it nearly nipped my face. It ran round me in circles and would not stop with the high pitched barking, I was in hell. I had to pretend to get an urgent text from work to get out of there. My friend had no understanding of this she just thought her dog was so adorable. Imagine you are a child and that is your home life. No, just no.

As others have pointed out, it could go either way, OP. It worked for us. We had a dog when my youngest was very small but he died when she was about three years old. Shortly after, she was attacked by an Irish red setter, a very scary experience. She was scared of dogs after that but when she was five, we introduced her to a puppy we were thinking of buying and she fell in love with him and now she is confident with dogs of all shapes and sizes. But for her, her fear was a temporary thing, caused by one specific incident, which made it easier to overcome. She was able to understand that some dogs, like some people, are not very nice. A general fear might be harder to overcome.

I do wonder how many people saying you should get a dog would be happy to have a large pet spider running around their house? Or Rats? Whatever your phobia is imagine having it pushed on you.

Don't get a dog. Dps dd is scared of dogs and it's a nightmare with my ddogs. My dogs are quite well trained, and one in particular is extremely good with kids. They're older, calm adult dogs and it's still very, very difficult. Dsd is starting, after three years, to watch one of them from behind a door when he's having his meals, but it's taken three years.

It wouldn't just be unreasonable to get a dog if your child is scared of them, it'd be utterly irresponsible as well.

I have dogs, and I have some experience of therapy dogs, and I would say, in this situation don't get one, especially not a puppy. If she has the screaming hab-dabs from sheer terror the first time it comes into the house, what are you going to do? You will have a terrified DD and a very disconcerted dog.

What your DD needs is controlled exposure to a lot of different but reliably kid-friendly dogs. Friends' dogs, relatives' dogs, neighbours' dogs, in situations where she feels safe and can sit on your lap or hold your hand until she feels brave enough to touch and stroke a dog. Our very kid-tolerant terrier did this for a little boy at my DCs' school who was petrified of dogs: he saw her outside school day after day and gradually got closer and eventually petted her.

If you got a puppy from a gentle breed (eg labrador) and trained it properly and encouraged your dd to take care of it by role modelling then you may help her overcome the fear. But it all depends on how bad her phobia is really.

You're not sounding very bright here op

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

I have dogs, and I have some experience of therapy dogs, and I would say, in this situation don't get one, especially not a puppy. If she has the screaming hab-dabs from sheer terror the first time it comes into the house, what are you going to do? You will have a terrified DD and a very disconcerted dog.

What your DD needs is controlled exposure to a lot of different but reliably kid-friendly dogs. Friends' dogs, relatives' dogs, neighbours' dogs, in situations where she feels safe and can sit on your lap or hold your hand until she feels brave enough to touch and stroke a dog. Our very kid-tolerant terrier did this for a little boy at my DCs' school who was petrified of dogs: he saw her outside school day after day and gradually got closer and eventually petted her.

Yes I agree with this 100% ^^

If nothing specific has happened to frighten her, I would, but I’d get a very ‘safe’ breed puppy from a reputable breeder, not (sadly) an adult rescue or a puppy of Heinz 57 origin - which could very well be fine, but...

FWIW my sister at about 3 was badly frightened by a big golden retriever jumping up and knocking her over, but she ultimately turned into a dog lover and had her own until recently when the last-lamented had to be PTS at a great age.

First of all, I'm not stupid. I've done research and haven't just jumped to the idea of getting a dog. I've wanted done for a long time. Now dd is old enough to understand dogs behaviours etc I have thought more seriously about it.
I was thinking of getting a rescue,not a puppy. And she has exposure to my friends dogs regularly. She's most afraid of dogs not on leads. She knows and talks about trained dogs and how well behaved they can be.
Thank you to the people answering honestly and politely

Dog professional here..

DO NOT GET A DOG...

Childrens normal behaviour (dashing about, squealing, being wobbly, unpredictable) is very upsetting for dogs, they are likely to bark, nip, growl etc.

Childrens behaviour when scared - panicking, squealing, dashing about, pushing away etc... will REALLY upset a dog.

Puppies run about biting barking and jumping until they are mature enough, and have learned alternative behaviours.

Adult rescue dogs are to some degree an unknown quantity, and may not react well to your childs behaviour.

Instead... speak to local trainers, find some starting a puppy class where you can sit in a corner, with a barrier, so your daughter can WATCH puppies for a short while each week.

Build up from there to watching adult dog classes, perhaps seeing steady dogs at closer quarters, eventually perhaps touching a dog.

Then when the fear is addressed, consider getting a dog if YOU want one, and, if your daughter wants one.

We got a puppy last year, my kids were 6 and 3, it helped them get over their fear. Now they are wary of other dogs but not scared.

I was terrified of dogs and my mum once announced we were getting a puppy the next day. I didn’t sleep all night but then when he was at the house I loved him immediately and got to name him which made me see him as mine. Within maybe 3 days I had completely relaxed around him and within about 6 months I was no longer scared of dogs in the street.

There needs to be safe spaces available for your child to go where she knows the dog can’t physically get to - not just isn’t allowed, so that if she is overwhelmed she can go there and relax. I was terrified of being touched by their paws because I thought it would cut my skin more than being bitten, so maybe hold the puppy and make points of awwwww look at the tiny feet, they’re so soft to show that they won’t hurt.

Puppies nip, jump, and steal your things.
I wouldn't get one in your position. An adult dog is a different story but it wouldn't be fair to the dog if your dd stayed scared, or got worse.
Instead I would organise lots of 'meetings' with calm, friendly dogs that like children just for her to spend time around them.

If you got a puppy from a gentle breed (eg labrador) and trained it properly and encouraged your dd to take care of it by role modelling then you may help her overcome the fear.

Lab puppies can be incredibly boisterous. Most puppies can. Smaller breeds are less so by nature, because they are more fragile themselves.

YABU and unkind.

Your daughter is AFRAID OF DOGS.

Sorry for shouting but this is not kind.

Work on her fears and until they’re settled do not get a dog.

My son likes dogs, I recently got a Shiba Inu pup, as he is a pup his favourite thing is biting. My son doesn’t like being bitten by puppy teeth, but if he was scared of dogs to be bitten by a puppy would be awful.

Unless she has a learning disability, I would be inclined to get a dog. A breed that is known to be good with children. I think that would be the way to go to overcome her fear, I just can't see someone staying afraid when the dog was always present and she could see nothing terrible was going to happen. If there is a learning disability, that's another matter.

Can you not take her to a dog rescue and walk some child friendly dogs to help lessen her fear?

We got our puppy knowing our boy was scared of dogs. We did everything on his terms. He liked the idea of a baby and growing with it, so we met a friends puppy. That was ok so we met the breeder and her dogs. Wary but ok. We went to meet the pups once born and 4 weeks old. He sat on the bench out of the way but would stroke the puppies we brought to him. If at any point he'd been truly terrified we'd have halted things and not gone ahead.

We now have a lovely pet dog who's been with us just over a year and a boy who has settled into a nice companionship with him. DS will seek dog out to stroke and play and they get on well.

Puppies from gentle breeds can be land sharks until they are older. I have a rough collie, he's 8 months old and it took a long time for him to stop the puppy nipping (it hurt a lot and even ripped clothing), he still occasionally 'steals' and chews toys. He is incredibly gentle now, and my 6 year old's best friend.

@GrumpyHoonMain

If you got a puppy from a gentle breed (eg labrador) and trained it properly and encouraged your dd to take care of it by role modelling then you may help her overcome the fear. But it all depends on how bad her phobia is really.

But no puppy in the world is calm and gentle - it doesn't matter what breed. Puppies are absolutely bonkers. They jump, they mouth, they scratch, they nip, they even bite. They're boisterous, full of energy and can easily knock a small child flying.

A labrador will be bigger and heavier than a five year old in no time - and teenage labs are the farthest thing ever from calm. In fact, the only calm labradors I've ever met are either very old, or very overweight. I know they have a reputation on here for being great family dogs, but they're also big, strong dogs and need to be trained well too.

I remember watching a very old episode of "It's Me or the Dog" and the couple had two relatively young labradors - they were big boys and very strong. They humped, jumped, mouthed and knocked people over. They also pulled on the lead and pulled their grown owners over numerous times.

Obviously a lot of those things would be solved by training, but how much training are you going to get done when your child is terrified of the dog, and it's jumping, mouthing, tearing at clothing and generally being a puppy?