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Original poster

To get a dog even though dd is afraid of them

139 replies

WhosThatGirl89 · 06/07/2020 14:46

Genuinely interested in people's opinions and advice. Dd(5) doesn't like dogs. Whenever we're out and a dog comes anywhere near dd she practically climbs up me and makes me carry her until its gone. If the dog is on a lead she will pull on my hand.
She will, however hold the lead of my friends dog for walks. But if the dog turns to go near her she'll back away.
So here's my question. If we got a dog would it help dd's fear or make it worse?
Yabu- don't get a dog
Yanbu- get a dog

OP posts:
zingally · 08/07/2020 14:34

LOADS of little kids are scared of dogs. I can see why. They are often as big as the child, boundy and unpredictable.

If you get a dog and your daughter still hates it, that's a horrible situation for child AND dog.

ToddlerBumpBorderCollie · 08/07/2020 14:40

I think a lot of the unease comes from not understanding a dogs body language. I know that sounds a bit nuts but when you’re around them regularly you are tuned into what they’re giving off. Maybe it would be sensible to start off with walking a dog with her for Cinnamon Trust or using Borrow my Dog before committing to bringing one into her space? But I genuinely think if it’s nervousness that stems from not understanding the dogs body language more exposure may help. If it’s a phobia then it could go either way so worth testing it out without committing?

Mouldiwarp1 · 08/07/2020 15:00

I wouldn’t at the moment. Try and find a small cute placid dog she can get to know. I used to have one of these and a number of children at my DD’s school who were normally frightened of dogs used to ask to stroke him. He was pretty much bullet-proof with kids and helped them get over their fear, but I always told them never to pet unknown dogs without asking the owners first.

My current dog is a different kettle of fish altogether and I’d never recommend nervous children pet him. He’s still only very young, and while definitely not aggressive he’s very ‘bouncy’ when excited and a bit mouthy. He was frankly terrifying as a young puppy - a tiny cute fluffy puppy version of Jaws! I could quite imagine him putting a small nervous child off dogs for ever. He came close with me!

HeyAssbutt · 08/07/2020 21:19

Thank you for all the replies, I am reading them all.
As pp has said there are a lot of people with real life experience saying that getting a dog has helped. Which is encouraging.
I will definitely look into getting dd acquainted with dogs before I commit to getting our own

Mydiary · 09/07/2020 04:18

@HeyAssbutt @WhosThatGirl89
(Because you namechanged)

You sound exactly like a mother of my friend.

My friend has had counselling for many years because of this bullying, overpowering, manipulative, controlling, psychological behaviour.

YOU want the dog.

YOU are the parent so be the parent your child needs you to be.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 09/07/2020 04:42

That’s incredibly cruel. How would you feel if someone else brought something that terrifies you into your own home and you weren’t allowed to get rid of it and instead had to live in constant fear?

WhenCoronaWasALager · 09/07/2020 05:09

This is one of the reasons why we got a dog and as expected, my DS is the biggest fan now and loves all dogs. Stairgates were a must though.

SoupDragon · 09/07/2020 08:39

Has the OP not bothered to come back and comment again?

crosser62 · 09/07/2020 08:43

Nope.
It would be cruel to both your child and a dog.

Terrified is terrified, if you put me in a room with a dog, big or small I would freak out.
This is no cure, it’s just plain cruel.

crosser62 · 09/07/2020 08:44

Op has replied...see above

sillysmiles · 09/07/2020 09:12

The one thing i would suggest is to choose carefully.

Personally i wouldn't get a small dog or a terrier as they often tend to be nippy. People also tend to treat small fluffies as toys picking them up etc and that can lead them to be hurt and try defend themselves.

SerenDippitty · 09/07/2020 09:13

You could find out if someone in your area has a PAT dog who might be prepared to do a home visit in return for a donation?

petsastherapy.org/what-we-do/

SoupDragon · 09/07/2020 09:26

@crosser62

Op has replied...see above
In which case there is a fault with the "see all" OP's posts.
Mittens030869 · 09/07/2020 09:43

I wouldn't get a dog, no. It would be very unfair on the dog if the experiment didn't work out, as it would have to be rehomed and would end up in a dog shelter. But children can get over their fear of dogs, if it isn't the result of a traumatic incident involving a dog.

My DDs (now 11 and 9) used to be afraid of dogs. It wasn't because of a trauma, they just weren't used to them; we have 3 cats and I've never wanted to own a dog (my DH is allergic anyway). But a close friend (who is also DD2's best friend's mum) has a really daft Labrador Retriever and it became very tricky to handle. But I always patted the dog and they gradually became familiar with him. Then when my DSis and her family bought a Labrador Retriever puppy, and we had a holiday with them, my DDs were absolutely fine.

I think children follow the lead of their parents and if you don't make a big deal about it and gradually expose your DD to other people's dogs, there's every chance that she'll stop being afraid. Then you would be in a position to have a dog.

HeyAssbutt · 09/07/2020 11:55

Apologies my username keeps switching back.

mydiary that's uncalled for

Original poster
WhosThatGirl89 · 09/07/2020 11:57

Username sorted now

OP posts:
Rosebel · 09/07/2020 12:07

My dad got a dog and it cured my sisters fear as she loves dogs and has one of her own now. However I'm not sure it would work on every child.
My husband is keen to get a dog as he loves them and thinks it would be good for our eldest as she's a bit scared of dogs but it wouldn't fit in to our lifestyle as everyone is out all day (not at the moment but things are returning to normal).
What would happen if your daughter was still scared?

Snugglepumpkin · 09/07/2020 12:19

I am scared of dogs.

As an adult I got a beautiful dog (now deceased) as I hoped it would cure my fear of dogs.

I remain scared of everyone elses dog except the one I had.

I wouldn't get another one as owning a dog just meant I had to keep taking it out for walks, to the vets, dog classes etc... which meant I had a lot more contact with other dogs than I did as a non dog owner.

Even if you get a dog & your child is okay with that particular one, it is no guarantee they will be okay with any other dog.

KeepingPlain · 09/07/2020 12:19

Not a good idea. What if she never gets over it? Are you going to keep the dog and terrorise your daughter her entire life, or get rid of the dog?

Either way, you've wrecked a life potentially. The dog may never get another home again, or have problems with kids depending on how your daughter reacts.

GhostsInSnow · 09/07/2020 13:16

I know someone who did this.

Cute, fur ball, small breed puppy, 8 weeks old. The DD who was about 7 at the time screamed the place down, refused to be in the same house as the dog and ended up sleeping at Aunts until dog could be returned to breeder the next day at a loss of about £500.

So no, not really recommended.

Notonthestairs · 09/07/2020 13:20

I don't think now is a good time. Work on your DD's fears first. She's 5, there isn't a rush.

Have you read any of the puppy survival threads? It's an upheaval even when they are much planned for. My bitey crocodile (10 weeks) has this morning ripped a hole in my jogging bottoms, thrown up leaves, dug up a small shrub, and pooed on the floor whilst I was home schooling. I'm washing bedding as there was an accident over night. I've been up since 5. Its bedlam not a walk in the park! This would be even more difficult with a child who is frightened and needs extra support.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/07/2020 13:25

It is completely natural for humans to fear dogs. In evolutionary terms it is very recent that animals have been domesticated, wolves & wild dogs are dangerous predators which can kill humans, particularly children. Every year per dogs kill - rarely of course but it happens.

Do not subject your poor DD to this. Many people are uncomfortable around dogs and you may ruin her childhood, not to mention it's not good for the dog living with someone who does not want them.

Moopoohootoo · 09/07/2020 13:28

Its a worry you need to ask the question quite frankly.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/07/2020 13:29

Ps its not being comfortable around dogs is an essential life trait.

I dislike dogs, I'm a perfectly happy functioning adult. Dogs are optional not required. As she gets older she will learn how to manage her fears and it wont be debilitating, she may simply never like dogs and that is absolutely fine.

Newdaynewname1 · 09/07/2020 13:31

If YOU really want a dog and look after it, get one. If she’s ok holding a lead, she’ll get over her anxiety. being afraid of dogs makes life difficult (and closed quite some doors in terms of jobs), so I would try to get over this.
But you should get a dig because you want one, not just for her to get over her anxiety