Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To get a dog even though dd is afraid of them

139 replies

WhosThatGirl89 · 06/07/2020 14:46

Genuinely interested in people's opinions and advice. Dd(5) doesn't like dogs. Whenever we're out and a dog comes anywhere near dd she practically climbs up me and makes me carry her until its gone. If the dog is on a lead she will pull on my hand.
She will, however hold the lead of my friends dog for walks. But if the dog turns to go near her she'll back away.
So here's my question. If we got a dog would it help dd's fear or make it worse?
Yabu- don't get a dog
Yanbu- get a dog

OP posts:

leftovercoffeecake · 06/07/2020 15:08

Please don’t get a dog. Because it’s not fair to your poor DD if she’s scared and it’s equally unfair to the dog if you have to get rid of it

I grew up with a severe phobia of dogs because I got attacked by one, so I know how hard it is. Even now, I’m not comfortable around dogs and can’t relax when one’s around. It’s definitely good to seek help for her phobia, but buying a dog is a bad idea because you’re jumping straight in at the deep end and tying yourself to a huge commitment.

Levrierssontmeilleurs · 06/07/2020 15:08

Don’t get a dog - they’re not an experiment that you can give up if your daughter doesn’t settle ! I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.

Work on your daughter’s fear first and once she’s completely comfortable and then look into it further.

sadpapercourtesan · 06/07/2020 15:11

@Sunnydayshereatlast

You're fortunate that your daughter did outgrow her fear. It wrked out well for you.

Personally I think it's important that my children know that I have their back and will put them first. That includes not having childhood memories of me bringing something into their everyday home life that terrified them.

ForeverBubblegum · 06/07/2020 15:14

Why would you want your daughter to spend the rest of her childhood living in a house with something she's afraid of. That sounds horribly cruel.

Evelefteden · 06/07/2020 15:14

We’re getting our dds a dog. Dd2 is petrified after being chased by one and has pushed that fear in to dd3. Its really impacting her life.

I always had dogs right up untill our last one died about two years before dd came along. I know they will be fine with a new baby dog and will love and care for it as much as I will.

OnceUponACat · 06/07/2020 15:16

We got a dog also to stop my daughter being fearful of them. It worked a treat.

vanillandhoney · 06/07/2020 15:18

You could maybe get an older, calmer rescue. But I wouldn't get a puppy.

Puppies are difficult - they jump, they bite, they scratch - they can easily injure small children and knock them over. That's really not ideal around a child who's terrified of dogs.

How will you keep them separate? What will you do when the puppy inevitably nips, scratches or grabs your DD's clothing? How will you explain to DD that she shouldn't be afraid of the mouthy land shark in your home?

Please think about this. What will you do if DD doesn't get over her fear? Just get rid of the puppy after a few weeks? There are enough dogs in rescue as it is - please don't add to the problem.

OnceUponACat · 06/07/2020 15:18

I think it is more cruel to have a child carry an irrational fear theoughout her life because it wasn’t tackled properly early on.

DrPatient · 06/07/2020 15:19

She definitely needs exposure to a dog - buying one seems a tad extreme but this isn't something to just ignore. Irrational fears are not ok.

Winterwoollies · 06/07/2020 15:20

Whoops I’m obviously a bad parent as I was going to say get a placid rescue dog to help your daughter get over her fear. But make sure you wouldn’t bin the dog off, the dog deserves better.

Littlemeadow123 · 06/07/2020 15:22

You are asking on the wrong site, OP.
Most of the people on here are also terrified of dogs. I do know of several occasions when getting a dog has stopped children being afraid. However, do you want definitely a dog? They are a big commitment and you need to want it for other reasons than just to stop your daughter being scared.

In the meantime, keep encouraging her to approach dogs and try to get her to stroke them etc.

Alternatively, there are plenty of workshops that help children with a fear of dogs overcome it. There may be one in your area.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 06/07/2020 15:23

Hmm I’m firmly on the fence with this one. I do think that introducing your daughter to a calm dog in her home environment would be beneficial to her but that doesn’t necessarily mean getting a dog. Could you possibly look after a friends dog for an afternoon first?

I grew up with a bouncy border collie until he was ran over and killed on our own driveway when I was 4. I don’t remember the incident but from that day on I was phobic. I was so scared of dogs I wet myself on multiple occasions. My parents pandered to me and truthfully I don’t think it helped in the end.

I got a little better as I got older then I met DP who had a dog and he told me that they were a package deal, it’s him and the dog or nothing. I’ve since lived with a dog for 12 years and I’m in no way scared of any dog now.

It’s a very hard life to be scared of dogs. Beaches/woodland walks/parks/ friends houses were always fraught and I could never relax.

SandyY2K · 06/07/2020 15:23

My cousin's DH got a dog despite her and the DC being scared of them. It's just a very cruel thing to do.

It resulted in the DCs bed wetting because of the fear.

bengalcat · 06/07/2020 15:25

Getting a dog to cure her anxiety is barking mad in my opinion . That said I would work on her fears about dogs then maybe consider getting one . I love cats and dogs and my then 9 year old found a puppy online from a breeder and badgered me for a dog . I went to see said puppies and came back four weeks later when puppy old enough to leave mum , during school holidays and me taking some time off work etc .

MyBabyIsAFurBaby · 06/07/2020 15:28

My DSD was afraid of dogs. According to my DP and my DSD, her DM would tell her that dogs ate children! DSD nearly got hit by a car as a toddler as she ran into the road to escape a dog (wasn't attacking her or anything, just walking passed).

She met my DM's tiny chihuahua and clearly wanted to like her, but would jump out of her skin if she jumped onto her lap, for example.

She has been asking for a puppy for a year or so, despite still being scared and jumpy around them. DP and I got a puppy and from the beginning encouraged her to be around her, what the puppy's responses meant, how to carry her, etc. It has helped her so much. She will now run around in the park with a group of dogs (if our pup is playing with other dogs). I think that, if encouraged in the right way, it sounds like a good idea to get a dog.

SauvignonBlanketyBlank · 06/07/2020 15:30

That would be cruel as fuck.Of course you can't get one.

Meredithgrey1 · 06/07/2020 15:31

Jumping to buying a dog when she's this scared seems extreme. What if it doesn't work?
Loving dogs is not compulsory, all she needs is to not be scared of them. I don't like dogs particularly, but I have no issue being around them/seeing them out and about etc.
I'd work with building her confidence with your friend's dog, if your friend and her dog are happy with that, and the dog is fairly chilled. Then go to places where there will probably be other dogs and help her stay calm in those situations.
Then, maybe, if you want one and she's happy with it, consider getting a dog.

Toptotoeunicolour · 06/07/2020 15:31

Try to get her past the fear before committing. Take her to see the puppies and see if she takes to them. I think there is a chance of getting her past it if she falls in love with the puppy. But if she doesn't, don't push - it's just too early.

notthemum · 06/07/2020 15:35

Christ on a bike. If this is serious PLEASE DON'T GET A DOG. This would be cruel and unfair to both your child and the dog.

2bazookas · 06/07/2020 15:35

It will make it worse. Don't be so stupid.

Scrumpyjacks · 06/07/2020 15:36

Please don't get a dog. Your daughter will remember for the rest of her life that her parent chose to put their desire for a pet above her fears and made her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

I was so frightened of dogs as a kid, I would run in the opposite direction if I saw one. It was awful and my parents didn't protect me and called me silly

trappedsincesundaymorn · 06/07/2020 15:37

What are you going to do if it turns out your child is scared of spiders as well? Buy her a tarantula??

Beamur · 06/07/2020 15:38

I wouldn't get a dog in your position.
Give it a few years and in the meantime keep gently exposing your DD to known dogs that will be calm and friendly.

TypingError · 06/07/2020 15:38

Irrational fears are not ok

What an odd thing to say. I was afraid of dogs as a child mostly because both my brother and myself were bitten by strange random dogs whilst minding our own business. Nothing irrational about that.

Throckmorton · 06/07/2020 15:38

Can't you find a middle ground to introducing her to dogs without getting one? It's pretty unfair on her and the proposed dog to force them together like this - what if it doesn't work?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6