AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

[Lincspeeps]

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

I don't know about other people but If a child's friend was invited on holiday I wouldn't expect anything towards the accommodation at all as that is already going to paid for if they were to go or not by parents.

In total I see it as you have received £280 for his keep on holiday, you did not mention money for food, treats etc, although I would expect an offer from the parents in this respect so he has a little money to buy parents a small gift etc!

IMO you have received a lot of money!

I think if you didn’t specify how much DDF’s family was to send with him, that’s hardly their fault.

However, I would have insisted you accept more than 30quid if it were my child.

This sounds like poor communication between parents.

Perhaps that’s all they could afford.

Oh blimey, I don’t think you are being unreasonable. We’re taking DS’s friend with us in October and we eat out most of the time. I took it for granted that the offer of some money would come, as we wouldn’t dream of our DS going away and us not covering his expenses. Maybe the family won’t offer - I’m worried now!

People aren't mindreaders - if you expect payment for a holiday that you invited the child on, you need to make that clear from the beginning.

OP is being unreasonable, she has received £280 already for crying out loud.

I remember being invited to go on holiday with my then boyfriend (now ex H) and his widowed mother and younger brother snd sister. They had hired a static caravan and the holiday was UK and she was driving so no extra cost for travel or accommodation.
Every lunch during the week's holiday was in a pub somewhere or other in the area and I was always told that she'd buy me and her daughter a cheese sandwich each (cheapest sandwich available) while she and, "the boys" had ham. (1975 so pub food was pretty limited to these two sandwiches and chicken or scampi with chips).
Not a big fan of cheese at the time (I've grown to like it over the years) towards the end of the week I stuck my neck out and said, "actually, I'm not keen on cheese, may I have ham please?" Well, you'd have thought I'd asked for smoked salmon with a side of caviar given her reaction! Got a lecture from bf afterwards, kindly remember my mother is a widow, not well off etc., etc. Suitably chastened, I paid for my own sandwich the last day and for ice-creams for everyone. (I'd actually bought a round of ice-creams earlier in the week too and a big box of chocolates to share.)
I admit to being from a much better off family financially and, at 15, being fairly oblivious to the fact that not everyone was as well off as we were so I did feel really guilty at the time for just presuming it was ok to make more expensive choices.
Imagine my horror when I got home and told my mother. Unbeknownst to me she'd given bf's mother £30 for food for me. It was a week! In 1975! Those cheese sandwiches were 85p a round and the ham, £1!
She didn't get any less stingy in the ensuing 35 years! 😂

So they've given you £270 in total. You're driving down there and staying in a rented gite.

It doesn't sound like it makes a difference to the overall cost of your holiday if DS's friend comes or doesn't come?

So technically your holiday is kinda being subsided by DS's friends family already? I think you're taking the piss tbh. If you needed to book him a seat on a flight or an extra room then fair enough, but you don't.

Does it cost you more to have the friend there than not?
Do you expect to spend much more than £120 on food for four?

I wouldn't have asked for any money, if I invite the child I'm paying. If my child get's invited I do offer to pay but it's never been accepted.

If you didn't ask to put towards food why are you complaining? Uabvvu

I would not have accepted it. If I had invited my child's friend, I would not expect them to pay for food or accommodation. Fair enough that they would pay ferry or flight.

Peoples ideas of holidays are different some eat out most nights others self cater/eat out on a budget most nights as are peoples budgets different.
The poor friends family might be struggling to give you the money they have (all just so their DS can keep your DS company and so he’s not miserable your not having to constantly entertain him).
I think if you cant give yourself a grip and be more generous of spirit given they have already contributed financially to your accommodation costs. Then you need to give them their money back in full including for a passport if the boy didn’t already have one apologise profusely and say you are unfortunately unable to take him on holiday now.

It's a tricky one. My son was invited to Spain with his friend a few years ago to stay at the families villa (no accommodation costs). We paid his flight and gave them £300 for food etc. When they came home they text and asked for another £250 !! We paid but thought they were CF 😂

I am surprised you asked them to pay anything at all tbh.

You invited this lad along after all, and presumably so your DS would have company his own age.

The friend's mother has given you more than you asked. If you wanted a reasonable contribution towards food then you should have asked for it, but imo if you ask someone to come on holiday with you then you should expect to pay the full whack.

I had a friend once who with her (now exDH) would charge friends for food if they invited them to a barbecue. I think the OP has heard the message loud and clear. That's maybe why she has disappeared. You don't "invite" a lad to go on holiday with you to keep your DS company then "charge" them to make it cheaper for you. That's just shabby.

You've got £250 out of these parents, to cover costs you would have paid anyway...
You're up on the deal, don't complain! Plus you'll have a happier teen on your hands, and I assume you quite like the friend? Or why invite him on your family holiday?

When I was 17 I was invited to join a friend and her family for a week in a holiday cottage in Norfolk. They were a family of 4, but there were 5 beds.
My parents INSISTED on me taking £100 to pay for some food and the like, but when I tried to offer it to the parents, they were horrified by the idea. The dad grudgingly accepted a tenner I think, for a round of drinks, but the rest came home again!

People who take DC’s friend in holiday are doing it to suit them and to keep their DC happy - Not as act of charity!
We expect airfare, everything else is on us.

But you didn’t ask for it but are annoyed at what she gave!!? You’re making no sense. For gods sake pay for his food- you asked him along.

The worst I had was I invited DDs friend for a long London theatre weekend for DDs birthday. Didn’t expect anything but the parents gave their daughter £350 spending money. She had more money than I had budgeted for the three of us for extras. I thought she had gone to buy a programme for the show, she came back with a hoodie, tee shirt, cap, bag and a few other things. Texted her mum to see if she was ok with her buying all this and she told me her DD had a card if she ran out of her spends. Had to draw the line at the request for build a bear as I could see the upset in my young DDs face. It’s better to have a good relationship prior to going so you know the expectations.

When I was 12 I was asked on holiday by a school friend . I’d never been on a holiday before as my mum was skint. My mum saved up to give me spending money but assumed they were going to feed me main meals. They ate out for every meal and even though I always picked the cheapest thing on the menu my spending money ran out so fast, I’d never budgeted before and couldn’t add up very well. With 3 days to go, I realised I had nothing left, I couldn’t buy anymore food. The mum said I should have budgeted better and must’ve been eating far too much and that I had big hips.I wasn’t fat or anything, was actually much smaller than their kid. I was so hungry those last 3 days. I just had tap water.They’d get ice creams in front of me.They ate out for breakfast, eating full Englishes and on the last day the dad tried to buy me toast but the mum and my ‘friend’ went mad at him for ages. So embarrassing. I was really shy and polite and painted on a smile but when I got back I kept well away from the girl and she wondered why!

@Kerravon34

When I was 12 I was asked on holiday by a school friend . I’d never been on a holiday before as my mum was skint. My mum saved up to give me spending money but assumed they were going to feed me main meals. They ate out for every meal and even though I always picked the cheapest thing on the menu my spending money ran out so fast, I’d never budgeted before and couldn’t add up very well. With 3 days to go, I realised I had nothing left, I couldn’t buy anymore food. The mum said I should have budgeted better and must’ve been eating far too much and that I had big hips.I wasn’t fat or anything, was actually much smaller than their kid. I was so hungry those last 3 days. I just had tap water.They’d get ice creams in front of me.They ate out for breakfast, eating full Englishes and on the last day the dad tried to buy me toast but the mum and my ‘friend’ went mad at him for ages. So embarrassing. I was really shy and polite and painted on a smile but when I got back I kept well away from the girl and she wondered why!

That is absolutely appalling. Who the hell takes somebody else's 12 year old child to a foreign country and lets them starve for 3 days!

@Kerravon34 I cannot convey just how angry I am at that, I am so so sorry for what you experienced. Vile people.

It's an invitation !!!
If I invited you somewhere you don't pay
YABU
It's keeping your son company , you didn't explain your expectations. Be grateful for anything and stop being so tight it's not a big deal.

Don't resent the boy when you go please !!

Shouldn't have invited him. You got £30 you wasn't expecting surely that's a bonus. 🤷‍♀️

Sorry OP, YABU

Personally I never invite the kids friends to anything unless we are prepared to pay for them. On several occasions we have been offered the costs for it but have always said no. We are far from well off but we only invite them if we can afford too. When my boys go off with friends I tend to tell them there is x amount in their wallet if they need it. Never came home having used it mind.