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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

251 replies

Lincspeeps · 06/07/2020 12:46

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

OP posts:
lowlandLucky · 06/07/2020 19:51

You invited this lad so you pay.

Nosuchluck · 06/07/2020 19:51

A payment of £280 towards the holiday and food sounds ok but I would expect him to take some of his own spending money too.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 06/07/2020 19:54

She gave you MORE than you asked for. Now you're complaining. Wtf? Hmm

puzzledpiece · 06/07/2020 20:21

You don't invite someone and expect them to pay. You don't expect wedding guests to pay for your cake and dress.

You would have paid exactly the same for accommodation and petrol anyway.

So the £270 is for food. Cheap at the price is it stops your DS driving you mad because he's bored.

topcat2014 · 06/07/2020 20:43

We regularly take dds friend on holiday. Usually cottages so no extra cost. If the friend brings spending money that is a bonus. We pay happily for everything

Mominatrix · 06/07/2020 20:51

Hang on. Maths not adding up. There are 3 in your family + DS friend = 4 people. You said in your OP that there are 6 of you - who are the other 2 people?

StormzyInaDCup · 06/07/2020 20:56

It's bad etiquette in the first place to invite a child and expect the parent to pay. I find your whole post crass. I hope you don't make the poor child uncomfortable on holiday over it.

purpledagger · 06/07/2020 21:22

Mominstrix The OP corrected in her second post that 4 of them are going, not six.

Mixingitall · 06/07/2020 22:23

I think the OP isn’t here anymore.

Ontheboardwalk · 06/07/2020 23:05

I was invited from a friend aged 15 for a holiday abroad. My mum could no way afford the flight, food for a full week or other accommodation costs. It was made clear upfront they weren’t required. You need to be crystal clear what costs or profit you need to make from the kid being there

My mum saved and saved and sent me with an envelope with money for food, treats and a meal, it was sent back with me. We might have spent the spends from my Grandma on martinis cos we were dead cool aged 15

notangelinajolie · 06/07/2020 23:29

I would say if you invite a friend of your child to come on holiday with you then you should not be asking payment for anything.

But you did. And the parents paid the agreed 10% and then gave more. Why on earth are you offended? If you had a figure in mid then you should have told them in the beginning They aren't mind readers!

You do sound a little grabby.

Becca8675309 · 07/07/2020 00:16

I would never invite a child on holiday and expect payment for anything, only exception being if they are old enough to go out alone, then some spending money.

Abbazed · 07/07/2020 09:53

You invited her child. Generally, you pay.

cakewench · 07/07/2020 14:06

YABU. Car costs etc mean nothing, that’s an amount you’d have spent whether or not he was joining you. If you hired a larger house because he was joining you then maybe charging them a bit makes sense, but beyond that, I’d just consider the money to be for food.

Also I agree with others, generally you just absorb the cost of food for the extra child. Caveat being if you’re planning on going out to eat often I can see how that would add up and you’d want a bit of a contribution.

Splattherat · 07/07/2020 17:32

To be fair maybe she felt obliged to let her DS come along to keep your DS company and hopefully make the holiday more pleasant for your DS and you. I assume your DS is using a bedroom that has two beds in so you would be paying the same for the accommodation anyway. Look at it as a win and don’t be bitter otherwise its not worth inviting the lad if you are so upset about this and can’t put it behind you.

tryinghardnottocry · 07/07/2020 17:41

Just sometimes people can make mistakes and she may have completely miscalculated it in error

The fact she offered without prompting something takes her out of the "mean spirited pit of tight arsed people" we all know

More importantly dont let it tarnish your holiday, if you are spending £2,500 on accomodation I imagine it is quite pleasant

dippydeedoo · 07/07/2020 17:54

I’m totally at a loss here, if you invite a friend of your sons to come in holiday then you say what you expect the parents to cover.

If you haven’t been clear then really you shouldn’t come on here bitching.

Ronnie68 · 07/07/2020 17:54

It was good of her to give you extra. Probably as a token gesture in her eyes. I mean she's already paid £250 towards the gite which I presume u'd have booked anyway. As a parent I'd have taken thenprice you originally asked for as the total amount you wanted to take him with you. It just seems unfair that you're now thinking that extra money that you weren't expecting to receive falls short of what you would have liked.
What are you going to do if she thinks that money includes his spends? Not give the boy any money fornthe duration?

Cloudspotter · 07/07/2020 18:07

I went on a holiday one summer with my best friend from primary school, aged 11.

When I was invited, it wasn't a financial commitment, it was just a request to take me with them on holiday. My best friend was the loveliest girl in the world, an only child. I was the oldest of 5 kids by then. My parents had good jobs, but we weren't wealthy, as few people were back in the 1980s. With two slightly higher incomes and one child, they were significantly wealthier than us as a result.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, my parents had no idea what the expectation on them was. They gave £40 food money which in those days was a lot more than it sounds now. As well as that, I was given spending money to take with me.

The mum and dad spent almost the entire holiday grumbling about how little money my parents had given, as if we were unwanted freeloaders. They kept referencing it as a reason why the holiday was compromised compared to their usual standards. Even at 11, I was very conscious of the issue throughout the holiday, even to the extent that I started to refuse food or any offers to buy food out and about. I felt completely unwanted, ostracised and bullied.

The miserable bastards made me feel like a charity case the whole time, and it honestly scarred me for life. I was a clever, impeccably polite and well behaved child, top of the class every year at school. That shouldn't matter, but even now I feel I have to justify myself to compensate for my Oliver Twist status.

Looking back I am horrified at their behaviour. They had asked to take me on holiday as a companion for their daughter, to enhance their time together. They spent very little time with us, and spent most of their time drinking or in pubs, leaving us to entertain ourselves. They were total bastards to me, telling me off all the time for imagined misdemeanors, frowning at me, criticising etc.

Looking back, they were jealous that I had done better than their (also clever) daughter, and they were resentful of my parents for having more children than them.

But to take out their resentment on me was cruel and abusive. It left me with a huge sense of inferiority that probably have me a chip on my shoulder about being poor for life.

If you are already resentful before you go on holiday, then my suggestion is that you find a way to get over it graciously, or refund the money and say you can't take him. No-one held a gun to your head, you chose this because it got into your plans.

This boy is not a charity case, nor is he responsible for whatever resentful adult politics you have generated in your head.

To you and all the people like you who think the way revolves around you and your precious child, it doesn't.

FelicisNox · 07/07/2020 18:14

If you invite someone on a trip with you would it not be common sense and good manners to be clear about what you expect financial contributions to be?

Some of us are not well off and require clear boundaries and lots of time to budget so deciding 2 weeks prior to travel that you want more money is a bloody cheek IMO.

And never mind all that... am I the only person wondering why you're off to bloody France in the middle of a pandemic?? I've just lost my £5000 2 week holiday to Spain for this very reason so excuse me if I'm unsympathetic.

Christ on a bike.

Jeschara · 07/07/2020 18:17

OP is not here because she did not get the replies she wanted. She sounds mean spirited to me.

heaveneggs · 07/07/2020 18:25

I think this is really mean!

This child is doing YOU a favour, by keeping YOUR child entertained on holiday.

They’ve paid in instalments so clearly do not have a high disposable income, yet YOU still think it’s ok to moan about them on here.

If I was you, I’d do a kind thing to make up for being so unkind and use the money they HAVE given you to treat their child well whilst away I.e give it him back through the holiday as spending money!

heaveneggs · 07/07/2020 18:27

AND how do you know, they have not been furloughed etc? So really struggling financially but trying to do something nice for their child.

MadameBoulaye · 07/07/2020 18:29

Oh blimey, I don’t think you are being unreasonable. We’re taking DS’s friend with us in October and we eat out most of the time. I took it for granted that the offer of some money would come, as we wouldn’t dream of our DS going away and us not covering his expenses. Maybe the family won’t offer - I’m worried now!

NeverForgetYourDreams · 07/07/2020 18:33

My parents took me and a friend to switzerland when we were 12 and my parents paid for everything. They took my friend so I wouldn't be bored. It was a wonderful holiday and apart from food and some entry fees it didn't cost any more because I would have had my own room anyway. Cheeky to ask for the £250
In the first place.

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