AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

[Lincspeeps]

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

[MerryMarigold]

2,500 for a gite for 4 in France is OUTRAGEOUS! You are clearly not poor and you're YABU to ask for anything when your taking a friend. My parents never asked friends to pay anything b other than train or air fares if my friends came.

[MerryMarigold]

We are going to France, guys for 8 for 2 weeks and it's just over 1,000. Just to give an idea of costs. You can afford it OP and I think it's very stingey of you, and generous on the part of the parent to offer anything for food. Spending money for eating out is different but I hope you don't do it too often if he's not from a rich family.

[FiddlefigOnTheRoof]

I wouldn’t invite a friend and expect any money at all apart from spending money!

[okiedokieme]

If you invite a friend to accompany your dc then you pay the costs unless it's explained at the time of the invite. Eg dd went with her bf family skiing, she paid her flight, her ski hire, lift pass and lessons but they covered accommodation (it was only a little more to add her because of single room supplement otherwise) I gave her money to buy wine to share but they refused it, as it was their suggestion she joined them

[macaroniandpizza]

Reading this total CF springs to mind... Youve basically been given £280 for nothing and your moaning about the fact. Thats some brass neck

[Cornishclio]

I think if you invited a friend to keep your DS company you should pay for everything. Presumably they will share a bedroom so you have not had to get a bigger gite. The only thing I would have said is maybe he could bring his own spending money. So YABU. Getting 10% of the gite paid for and £30 extra towards food is a win in my book. He is doing you a favour really as otherwise presumably you would have a grumpy DS on your hands if it was just you and him.

[bengalcat]

When I've taken any of DD's friends on holiday I've always covered the cost . On occasion all parents would enquire if I wanted a contribution - I always said a bit of spending money would probably be useful .
That said if you wanted a contribution then its only fair to be explicit at the time of asking . There may be some parents who don't have any spare dosh or who need to be particularly careful about budgeting and if this is the case they need the option to decline .
Never mind , live and learn and wishing you all a great holiday .

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

I think if you didn't outline what costs you expected to be covered at the outset then YABU. She's already donated some money towards your holiday, Its not really fair to ask for more now on top of that.
I'd expect accommodation and food at the accommodation to be covered. You can't really say food is costing 25% more when its easy to stretch from 3 to 4 people. Eg if you bought a pack of bagels they wouldn't sell it in packs of three and french sticks sandwiches for lunch won't break the bank. Accommodation is the same whether the friend is there or not.
Food would cost more if you are eating out a lot but then the friend's parents have no control over your choice of dining out and whether that's cheap or expensive.
As people have said both you and your DS benefits from having someone his own age to hang out with and therefore the friend is effectively donating two weeks of their time and company for your benefit, because you think your holiday would be more enjoyable if your son had a mate along.
Its difficult going on holiday with the parents of your friend sometimes.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

I don't the the OP will be back.

[NoProblem123]

As a parent to an only child, we cost in the ‘friend’ from the outset. This has previously included whole holidays in at camp sites, cottages, Centre Parks, etc, all food, all snacks, all excursions, all petrol - EVERYTHING.
Sometimes they bring money with them as ‘spends’ but I’ve never taken anything to cover their cost as to me that’s what’s I’m paying for when I invited them.
My DD has never had so much as an invite back for tea at any of their houses, but that’s another story !

[Mrsmadevans]

I would feed him bread & water for the entire 2 weeks OP

[MagnoliaJustice]

If this kid's mother is on here, she's going to recognise herself immediately. If it was my child, I'd prefer him not to go on holiday with such a money-grabbing family. I'd be asking for my money back and leaving you to it. I'd ensure my child had a good summer regardless.

[campista]

Years ago, my son was invited by his best friend's family to go to France with another mate. Costs, including petrol, etc were apportioned and paid, upfront. The other mate pulled out - it was dear - and we were asked to pay more, which we did, whilst finding it all very expensive!! Son was sent off with spending money, just to be clear.
The holiday was had and a week later, we received a letter through the post, itemising mcdonalds etc and asking for another £50!
This was 20 something years ago. Gobsmacked.

[RandyLionandDirtyDog]

I think if you’d asked for a contribution towards the costs initially, then it’s pretty obvious that the parents should cover his food costs and give him adequate spending money.

Maybe you didn’t make it clear enough when the invitation was offered?

Unfortunately, the parents are either struggling financially and can’t afford to offer much or incredibly self absorbed and unaware that they need to cough up, in which case, they are cheeky feckers.

In contrast, you have all the wealthy posters on Mumsnet who can afford to feed the entire street of teenagers for a month and anyone who asks for a contribution to basic costs must be grabby.

Some folk really have no idea how the other half live.

[Emeraldshamrock]

Why bother bringing the friend he is clearly an add on for DS.
I can't imagine charging DC for accommodation we are paying for anyway.
Yabvvvvvu.

[areyoubeingserviced]

Op should have paid for everything as far as I am concerned. The only thing the mother
should have provided was spending money.

[iklboo]

We had invited DS's friend away with this year (now postponed to next year). We're not asking for anything from his parents even though they've offered. He just needs spending money. The accommodation is a pay per unit not per person and it's not going to be a massive stretch for food for one extra person. If he wants food, snacks, drinks etc above what we eat he can buy it from his spends.

[RandyLionandDirtyDog]

So most of the posters on the thread expect their child to be accommodated as an all-inclusive by the party offering the nice holiday because they think that by doing them the huge favour of providing their company, that is reward enough?

Wowzers!

What a load of tight cheeky feckers, you are!

I bet you’re the sort that turn up to a party with a bottle of something nice, making a fuss about it and then drink the hosts plonk and take your unopened bottle home with you afterwards.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

"In contrast, you have all the wealthy posters on Mumsnet who can afford to feed the entire street of teenagers for a month and anyone who asks for a contribution to basic costs must be grabby.

Some folk really have no idea how the other half live. sad"

I am very far from well off but if I extend an invitation, I expect to pay the costs of said invitation.

If you can't afford that don't be a host.

[Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

DS is an only and when he is older will be free to invite a friend on holiday with us, we won't expect any money. It is part of the cost of an only child in my opinion.

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

I think YANBU. £30 for 2 weeks is insulting I'd rather her not have given anything.

[Floralnomad]

If you take someone else’s child on holiday with you then you pay for it all and count it as a bonus if they bring spending money .

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

My minds changed I'd completely not read that right. Had not realised you charged the friend £250 OP!!! WTF!!!! £250 whenitwoukdhavecost you the same anyway?!?! Or was that the difference ce for extra person?! The friends done you a favour your son would have been bored. I thought the friend had a free trip and the mum only gave £30 spending money for food. Your well tight.

[Odoreida]

If I'm inviting my son's friends on holiday I make it very clear what they would be expected to pay for. I would say 'he'll need money for a train ticket and anything extra that he wants to buy but of course I'll feed him' or something like that.

[BackforGood]

No Randy , that's not what anybody has said.

The OP has already charged the dc's friend's family £250 for costs that are fixed (accommodation and petrol). ie, they would be paying the same ££ if the friend goes or not. The petrol and accommodation costs aren't higher because the friend is there. So, the OP has already taken money, when the costs or her family haven't increased. That is why people are saying she is wrong.

If, at the start, she'd said "Can ds's friend come with us, on a basis of you covering any additional costs - we do like to eat out a few times, so would estimate it will cost about £250 for him to come with us for the 2 weeks. I don't know if that will be affordable or not?" that's fine.
But she said, it will cost £250, and the friend's family have not only paid that, but also given a few extra ££ as well, then the OP is complaining.