AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

[Lincspeeps]

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

[BritWifeinUSA]

She’s paid £350 for his food, not £30. The £250 plus the £100 are monies you would not have had if he were not coming and your only added expense is his food by him coming along. The gite would have cost the same whether he was invited or not. Sounds like you have made a profit!

[cherryblossommorningstoday]

OP I actually think you should get this taken down as it would be awful if the mother sees this.

You have £280 towards the food!

If you don't want to pay, don't invite.

They are subsidising your fixed costs so use it for food and stop being so mean.

[shergar]

YABVU. If I invite another child to join us on a trip or holiday, I expect to pay. If the parents offer money towards transport, food etc, I decline as there’s usually little extra cost to bringing one more child and I have invited them. Their parents have always given their child spending money only (I would always check on this too and give any child spending money if they had none and my children were getting some). This mother has given you £280 and you’re complaining? Honestly, I think you’re totally out of order.

[jessstan2]

I wonder if the boy's mother posts on here and will recognise you, op. How embarrassing for her.

What gets me is that you were not going to charge for food anyway and when she added a little contribution, you were miffed. Yet she'd already paid a fair whack.

Yes it would have been better for her to give nothing, then you wouldn't have anything to moan about.

I suggest you give the boy the £30 as extra spends for him, that would be a nice gesture.

[sneezetwice]

My 17yo son is going to the Canaries with his gf's family to a rented villa for a week. They made clear the only cost was his flight but I sent £170 extra. The gf mum is trying to return the £170. I won't accept the return and she won't accept the contrib.

I wouldn't invite a kid's friend away and not expect to cover their costs.

[BluebellsareBlue]

We took DS (16) and his friend also 16 to Florida last year. We only asked them to pay for park tickets and I paid for the flights, Villa and all the food. The park tickets were about 500 or thereabouts so I didn't want to ask for anything more.

[BluebellsareBlue]

I should clarify that I asked them to pay for their DS's park tickets only. The above read like I'd asked them to pay for all our tickets

[Celestine70]

I would expect to feed my child's friend. Any payment would be a bonus.

[LagunaBubbles]

We have been going to France for over 10 years now, family of 4. Well apart from this year on I pit! So I've already booked next year's gite. It's costing us £1000 for the week which is probably higher than we would normally pay. But its fab! If 10% is £250, £2500 is an insane amount of money to skrnd just for 4, all the ones I was looking at when it was that kind of money were like mansions!

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

When I was a child and my parents asked one of my friends to go on holiday with us, they didn't charge the friend anything, it would never have crossed their mind to do so, and it would never have crossed mine since either. I really cannot understand your meaness at doing so, is that why you really invited your DC's friend, so that you could afford a bigger place? Please don't upset or embarrass your DC, by telling him your thoughts on this.

[Jocasta2018]

If my parents invited a friend of mine to come away on holiday, my parents would pay everything & vice versa!
My parents would not have dreamed of saying 'we would like your child to come away as company for out child, oh by the way we need 10% of accommodation paying plus food however you should feel lucky that we'll be paying for all the travel costs!'
As another poster had said, it's a bit like inviting people around for dinner and expecting them to pay for their portion of the meal.
The parents would provide spending money for their child and they usually gave a bit extra so we could have a nice meal or two out when we were away.
If the cost of your holiday is such that you require a payment of 10% of the accommodation plus extra for food then maybe you should've chosen a cheaper holiday...

[Linguaphile]

YABVU! If you invite, you pay. That’s how it works. Getting upset about this is like inviting someone for a dinner party and getting upset because they didn’t offer to cover the cost of their meal.

If you had said up front that DS’s friend would be welcome to join BUT food would be X amount, that would be one thing. However, if you invited and did not make any mention of food costs, of course it is assumed you will pay.

[CambsAlways]

If we were taking an extra person along on holiday as we had invited them, then we would cover the costs as it was an invitation to come along, certainly wouldn’t expect payment for him, would just expect his parents to give him spending money

[ComeBy]

@Lincspeeps you haven’t given anywhere near enough information.

Did the friends parents approach you and say ‘we can’t go on hol this year could we pay a proportion of your holiday costs for you to take Ds?’
Did you get a bigger gite so that friend could have their own room?

On the basis of what you have said YABVU. Your Ds has a friend along, invited by you for Ds to have fun and company, and will presumably share a room: no extra accommodation costs.
Of course you should cover petrol, no additional cost to you.
Maybe if the family weren’t already paying for the accommodation they would have sent more for food.

I really hope your attitude does not show in front of the friend

[Nannylovesshopping]

So glad I’m not coming on this holiday with you, nor any of my family

[Popc0rn]

If she's given you £280 in total, I'd see that as £20 per day for his food really. If it's a self catering gite then the cost of your accommodation doesn't change if he comes or not does it? Petrol may be slightly more expensive with the extra weight, but not significantly more.

@Lincspeeps, I'm sure you'll not update us on this, but who suggested that they pay 10% of the accommodation cost?

If you suggested it that's a bit cheeky, basically getting them to subsidise your family holiday .

If they suggested, they probably meant 10% to cover any extra costs you'd incur with him going. £280 for a self catering holiday that you're driving to seems more than enough.

[Popc0rn]

Oh, and YABVVVU to use the phrases "pittance" and "paltry" to describe how they've contributed £280 towards YOUR family holiday.

Have they ever had your DS round for dinner? A sleepover? A day out?

If I was the mother and I saw this thread, I'd think you were a Scrooge and be tempted to send you an invoice for anything that I'd previously paid for for your DS.

If you invite, you expect to pay!

[ComeBy]

By paying towards the gite the other parent is subsidising your holiday.

[ElleMac44]

Personally I think you have a cheek asking for anything at all. Presumably you want your child to have a friend to keep him company and occupied whilst away? Well that's his payment to you, it means you do not have to entertain your 16 year old or put up with "I'm bored" as an only child my parents always took one of my friends with us, they never paid a thing, just their own spending money. YABVU

[Localocal]

We have invited one of my DSS's friends on holiday and my DSSs have been on holiday with friend's families. No exchange of money was asked for, though spending money was sent and a thank you gift followed.

I think if you invite someone on holiday they are a guest, and should not be asked for payment. If you got 250 - 300 from them I would say you have gotten a good deal. The only additional cost you have from the boy is his food and the money you have received should cover that.

[SeasonallySnowyPeasant]

When I’ve invited the DC’s friends on holiday, I’ve factored in their costs. I’d only ever expect them to bring a bit of spending money for sweets and souvenirs. Their parents are doing me a favour by lending me their child to entertain my DC while I relax!

[HostessTrolley]

We invited dd’s boyf on our family holiday last year and he’s coming away with us again this year. I see it as taking an extra family member with us - we cover flights accomodation meals etc - but they know if they choose to go off and eat/drink on their own then they pay themselves so will need spending money. They’re uni age. Dd went on their family holiday last year and has been invited again this year, she’ll have her bank card but she’s pretty much treated as another daughter.

[OVienna]

What @RandyLionandDirtyDog** said .

OP has been bitch slapped here.

Yes the OP invited. But there is a lot of emotional energy that goes into looking after someone's teenaged DC abroad. Honestly, I can see why the 30 quid feels tight. There was clearly an agreement to cover some costs as the DC paid for accommodation - this might not be what most posters on this thread are used to but so what? It is a shame you didn't agree something specific for food.

[redastherose]

Yeah sorry but when you invite someone else's child you factor in food costs tbh! Having subbed various friends of my DC that's always been the deal. If you can't afford it don't invite! They extra £30 can be a takeaway for the night or buying food for a particular meal.