AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

[Lincspeeps]

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

"In contrast, you have all the wealthy posters on Mumsnet who can afford to feed the entire street of teenagers for a month and anyone who asks for a contribution to basic costs must be grabby."""

No. I just don't think its fair to offer a holiday and then start adding on costs the nearer you get to it in a drip feed fashion, or complaining someone hasn't offered enough when they haven't be asked for a sum. Especially if the accommodation costs the same for 3 as for 4. The child has been invited to amuse the son and I wouldn't charge them on that basis, but I would expect them to bring spending money.
The parent inviting has decided to spend the money on a family holiday. The parent whose child has been invited might not be able to afford it.
There was a post a few months back where the family ate out all the time in expensive restaurants and the invited child was expected to walk 3 miles to a supermarket and self cater. That sounds miserable.

I think the main point is you needed to be upfront instead of expecting them to read your mind about how much you expected.

If you’d said at the beginning “DS friend will pay 25% accommodation and all his own food costs” that would be fine, he’s then covering a quarter of the trip and they could make an informed decision about if he should go.

If you’d said “he can come for free, we’ll cover everything” that’s also fine.

Neither of these approaches is wrong - the people saying you would have gone anyway so he shouldn’t pay kind of miss the point in my opinion, you normally split accommodation costs per person when you go on holiday with friends even if you could afford not to, why is it different just because this person is your son’s friend instead of an adult? But however you wanted to do it, you should have been clear at the start. If that was he pus £250 PLUS food, you should have said so. If it was £250 INCLUDING food, you should say “thanks for the money for food but we agreed £250, do you want me to return the £30, otherwise we’ll use it for something special, thanks so much!” To resent it doesn’t make sense as it’s above and beyond what you agreed and isn’t to cover his food, it’s just a contribution

Some friends were going to take DD away with them for a week at easter but we had to cancel. They said just pay for the flight, (which we did the week they booked it) but I was planning on giving them £50 towards food for a week. (She wouldnt eat £50 of food at home but I imagine they would go out a couple of times)

If you invite someone you pay for them.

Presumably it’s in your interest to have your son occupied with his friend.

We took dd's friend away last autumn with us, was in U.K but i didn't ask or expect her mother to pay towards it. Her mother did offer but was that friend was just going to come along and keep dd company.

Aw, where’s the OP?

Presumably the extra 25 percent of cost is worth every penny to not have a bored moping teen.

@RandyLionandDirtyDog

I think if you’d asked for a contribution towards the costs initially, then it’s pretty obvious that the parents should cover his food costs and give him adequate spending money.

Maybe you didn’t make it clear enough when the invitation was offered?

Unfortunately, the parents are either struggling financially and can’t afford to offer much or incredibly self absorbed and unaware that they need to cough up, in which case, they are cheeky feckers.

In contrast, you have all the wealthy posters on Mumsnet who can afford to feed the entire street of teenagers for a month and anyone who asks for a contribution to basic costs must be grabby.

Some folk really have no idea how the other half live.

It sounds like the OP has no idea. Someone who has to pay up £250 in installments isn't rolling in it. She's paid paid what the OP asked, the OP is the CF'er expecting them to be mind readers.

How does the parent know the OP wanted more?

If you offer to take someone's child away you have to be crystal clear about what you expect them to pay. Giving them an amount then complaining when they give a little more than that is just fucking rude.

Either be upfront or don't invite other children.

“Hi, Barry’s Mum, Sid’s Mum here. I wondered if Barry would like to come for a day out with Sid at Dogmess Downs. Yes? Great! Now, that’ll be one quarter of the petrol, so £3, a quarter of the parking, £1.25, and can he bring his own lunch and money for an ice cream? Oh, and I’ll be in touch if I think of any other expenses...”

YABVVVVU. You don't invite them to keep your kid occupied and then charge them. Ridiculous.

I'm on my phone and can't see previous posts so can't remember exactly who said what.

The vast majority of posters have agreed that the OP is BU. A couple of people have said that makes us greedy entitled fuckers. They must have missed the many posts where we said that far from expecting a free holiday for our own children, we have taken our dcs' friends on holiday with us and haven't expected or accepted any payment (except plane tickets where relevant).

Somebody said that we were part of the rich mumsnet elite if we can easily afford to take hordes of teenagers on holiday without being recompensed and that we don't understand what it's like in the real world. They clearly missed the posts pointing out that an OP splashing out a few thousand on a gite in France is unlikely to be poor whereas the friend's parents who have had to pay the requested contribution in installments are more likely to be in a position where they have to be careful with their money.

There was a post a few months back where the family ate out all the time in expensive restaurants and the invited child was expected to walk 3 miles to a supermarket and self cater. That sounds miserable.

That is shocking! How do these people look at themselves in the mirror?

Is this a reverse?

Have taken a friend of the various DCs on several holidays
Not on on main family summer holidays
Have never asked for or expected a contribution
Parents have often offered but have always refused

She's paid 10% of all costs for a holiday you'd be going on and would be costing the same even if you hadn't taken ds's friend?! YABU, maybe even VU!

She's paid 10% of all costs for a holiday you'd be going on and would be costing the same even if you hadn't taken ds's friend?! YABU, maybe even VU!

I think you sound incredibly tight. As pp have said, that boy is contributing to your fixed costs, this lowering the cost of the holiday overall for you. He will also keep your ds entertained.

Who on earth asks a child’s friend on holiday and expects them to pay for their own food?

From reading most of the thread, I think the OP thinks that the extra £30 is an insult because they have 'only' asked for a 10% contribution towards the accommodation (as opposed to 25%,as there are four going) and not charging for a share of petrol costs.

Some other posters have pointed out that the accommodation cost £2500 regardless of the friend going so they OP has got £280.

Echoing others, if I've invited them I'm paying for them.

From reading most of the thread, I think the OP thinks that the extra £30 is an insult because they have 'only' asked for a 10% contribution towards the accommodation (as opposed to 25%,as there are four going) and not charging for a share of petrol costs.

Some other posters have pointed out that the accommodation cost £2500 regardless of the friend going so they OP has got £280 not £30.

Personally, I think the OP should have been clear with the friends parent about how much they were expected to pay.

Yes you are being really unreasonable . If you invite another child on holiday , unless you are really clear that you expect their parents to pay for their food costs and what these are , them anything they offer is perfectly acceptable.

If you had offered to take my teenage DS away and I had offered you some money towards his food costs which you said you would pay and I then found you whingeing on social media I would be hurt, embarrassed, mortified and absolutely furious .

If you have particular expectations make them clear .

Whenever we had a friend join as a child it was expected that as the inviter we paid. The others maybe gave a token amount for a chippy dinner type of thing or for hair braiding as a girly treat. Never was anyone asked for room costs as it was to keep the own children happy. YABU

When we have invited a DC friend on holiday, we never ask for any money. In fact, we specify in the invitation that we won’t accept any money and just to give their child a bit of spending money for souvenirs, etc.
If it were my child you’d invited, I’d think you petty and money grabbing tbh by asking for £250 and then having the audacity to complain after I actually gave you £280.

Give them the money back OP and see if you can find a Nanny to entertain your DS for £280.

If you invited him, you should be prepared to pay for him!