Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

410 replies

Rosiebelle17 · 03/07/2020 23:27

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

OP posts:
Verity35 · 05/07/2020 20:21

I had this for a whole year! The only difference she would let herself IN to my house using spare key. The only way it stopped was when I lost it with her and obviously she started crying and said she won’t come again. I also asked husband to speak to her but nothing happened. If I could turn time back I wouldn’t change it as that’s the only way she learns anything is by shouting and getting angry. Nice conversations get ignore by her.

Chig · 05/07/2020 20:21

Move.

This is no way to live. Waiting for the next interruption.

cherish123 · 05/07/2020 20:37

Sounds awful. Could you give her set times that are convenient to you. I think you will have to be assertive with her - be frank and get your point across politely. If she is doesn't get it - go in tougher. Explain dinner, bedtimes too stressful times for the family. Could you take the children round to hers for her to babysit for an afternoon ?

CatterySlave1 · 05/07/2020 20:54

Are you a (wo)man or a mouse? For goodness sake, don’t hide/play silly games, call her over, give her a cuppa and actually talk to her about this. How it’s making you feel. She might be shocked.

Ask her what’s up. Is she alone? Got a husband/partner? She sounds pretty lonely tbh and trying to live through your family. Ask her if she wants a hand to find some activities. Friendship groups. Please please don’t exclude her from family activities and she should be involved with her grandkids but maybe make a regular days/time so you both know when she can have the kids or when you guys meet up as a family. Please be firm but kind. Hiding is neither. Good luck

IAmMeThisIsI · 05/07/2020 20:55

Blank. Her. Out. It took me seven YEARS of blanking out family members knocking on my door unannounced before they learned. I had a SIL who would turn up (when I was still asleep) on the morning of days I had SPECIFICALLY asked her not to. Talking and ranting didn't help. I just had to blank out everyone who knocked. No one ever knocks anymore. It's fucking awesome. Even if she knows you're there, do NOT open the door.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 05/07/2020 21:08

WTAF?!?!

Rainycloudyday · 05/07/2020 21:16

Your biggest problem here is that when this was making only your life a complete misery your husband didn’t give a shit and in fact went off on one at you when you raised it. When it affected him, he dealt with it immediately.

I would spend some time reflecting on that if I were you.

draughtycatflap · 05/07/2020 22:19

Could you turn her favourite chair into a giant mousetrap?

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 05/07/2020 22:31

@draughtycatflap

Could you turn her favourite chair into a giant mousetrap?
Please do this Grin
Barney60 · 05/07/2020 22:33

I wouldnt be rude even though she is being. She isnt taking any notice of what you say either. No support from hubby.Is it possible shes mentally ill? she sounds it. Or does she think your up to something and is calling to check? Does she do this when hubby/partner is there too? Think id write her a letter. Short nice but firm, along the lines of...You like to keep the children to a new set pattern which you started over lockdown.
So now you are giving her including your family a rota of set visiting times, enclosed are hers. Out of these times you are having set mummy/children times so will not be entertaining her. If that doesnt work id move!

Blacksheepcat · 05/07/2020 22:50

Move.....far, far away

Meeeh · 05/07/2020 23:29

What the duck does she actually DO all that time she’s in your house? If she’s putting in a wash and helping with the kids then that’s one thing.

This isn’t normal behaviour. Has she always done this with DH when he was single or is this a new thing because the grandkids are cute?

jillybeanclevertips · 05/07/2020 23:31

Oh what a horrible situation, I agree with the other posts, time to sit her down and lay down some ground rules. Let her know how disruptive and intrusive she is being, is there anything wrong with her ? She sounds needy. Let her know you can block her phoning- or change the number and tell her she can't have it, and that only to come around unexpectedly in an emergancy. Get really busy outside the home, start a new hobby, or join a club or something and then you won't be there, Sorry to hear of your dilemma. What a drag.

googledontknow · 06/07/2020 01:35

You have to tell her straight what day/times she can come round.
Put frosted plastic over the glass so the kids can't see that its her when she knocks
Put your phone on silent etc
You will have to enforce it or you are stuck with this.
I would move house in your position, but I like my space and privacy- I wouldn't be able to endure the situation you are in - it would feel like torture! Good for you being able to put up with it?

Anordinarymum · 06/07/2020 01:49

Rosiebelle is your MIL married and is her husband still living with her?

I wonder if there is something so radically wrong in her own personal life that she feels compelled to call on you all of the time?

I'm just thinking that a word with your FIL ( is that right) might help.

If not then you need to deal with her yourself. Leave your husband out of it as he will feel torn and be of no help at all.

Next time she calls at your house, open an upstairs window and throw a bucket of water over her tell her it is not convenient and to go away. Stick to your guns.

Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 06/07/2020 03:48

Hello everyone
Thanks so much for all the kindness
Yesterday my husband was away working and she called again unannounced
Fortunately for me it was bath time and the kids were running around excited about that so she had to go away
Win win this round anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 06/07/2020 03:52

@Anordinarymum

Rosiebelle is your MIL married and is her husband still living with her?

I wonder if there is something so radically wrong in her own personal life that she feels compelled to call on you all of the time?

I'm just thinking that a word with your FIL ( is that right) might help.

If not then you need to deal with her yourself. Leave your husband out of it as he will feel torn and be of no help at all.

Next time she calls at your house, open an upstairs window and throw a bucket of water over her tell her it is not convenient and to go away. Stick to your guns.

Yes she is married but her husband is very elderly and spends the day watching telly or reading , she probably means well but I find it so annoying when I have cooked the dinner and she lands and then the kids don’t eat it , two hours later they are hungry so I have to feed them again As for the evening visits , I have to do all my housework in the evening and if bedtime is late all my jobs are pushed back and I end up being up all night
OP posts:
Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 06/07/2020 03:54

@draughtycatflap

Could you turn her favourite chair into a giant mousetrap?
Great idea 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 06/07/2020 04:08

I’m so touched by all the great advice and thank you to everyone that has commented
I have plenty of options now to choose from
To be honest I love our house and where we live so for that reason I’m not inclined to move just yet
I Have no objection to her calling, however it’s the frenzy of visits that has me worn out
Especially as she just sits on the couch
She never offers to help with kids or housework, not that I expect her but a few people have asked if she calls to do this but no
, that is not the purpose of her visit, I wouldn’t mind if she called 100 times a day if I was away when my husband is minding the kids , however that is extremely rare as he works so much

OP posts:
MtnGal2025 · 06/07/2020 04:46

Rosie,
Please let us know how this goes for you.

I avoid confrontation to a ridiculous degree but I think even I would have had to employ several methods discussed on MN.
The For Sale sign, fencing, ringer turned off and doorbell disconnected to name a few.
Really enjoyed the 'fuck off' advice!
I feel so badly for you and hope you get get some relief soon.
Sounds like rude, in her face, shock treatment is the only thing that MAY get through but I'd also tell that husband of yours to grow a pair and stand up for you.
Good luck.

BurtsBeesKnees · 06/07/2020 07:22

She must have the hide of a rhino not to noticed she's being an inconvenience.

I think the next time she comes round, block the door and just say 'sorry, it's not convenient for a visit now' 'do you want to come back round on Wednesday afternoon' if she arrives earlier than Wednesday afternoon, block the door and reiterate you said Wednesday afternoon. Rinse and repeat.

Wineywoman · 06/07/2020 08:16

I really feel sorry for you. This isn't normal behaviour at all - I mean, who tries the doors or knocks on the windows like that? Could you write her a letter? Tell her exactly how she is making you feel. Tell her she can pop in once or twice a week for around an hour. I mean, five or more hours? Again, how can that be acceptable, bearing in mind it's on a daily basis? Whatever happens, you HAVE to tell her to stop. And sit down with DH and tell him he needs to support you 100%. Good luck.

Dancingonmylonesome · 06/07/2020 14:31

My ex PIL did this. I have anxiety and my anxiety would be so high due to them coming unannounced using me as a counsellor and generally moaning about life to me when I had a new baby. Ex wouldn't back me up and it contributed to the end of my marriage

Sparkletastic · 06/07/2020 14:43

I'm surprised that the kids find her so exciting if she's there all the time and just sits on the sofa. They will soon learn to ignore her - nothing like a bit of familiarity to breed contempt.

Apple1029 · 06/07/2020 15:15

Why arent you just telling her very bluntly or even rudely not to do it. I cant imagine someone being firm and then the person going against that. You obviously must be saying it in a very jokey, non serious way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread