Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

[Rosiebelle17]

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

Lean out the window and tell her Go away, we're trying to have sex here and you'll wake the kids up!

Hope you’ve managed to resolve things today.

I would probably fake my own death and entered the witness protection program if my MIL visited me that often

@Woofer18

I have seen it in real life. Most mothers do not respect their adult children. They see it as "i gave birth to you, i own you".

If you set any boundary with them, they do not listen, as they see themselves as worth more than you.

My male friend recently told me that if he ever tries to set a boundary with his mother, she glares at him and says "I made you."

What will make women see their children as human beings?

How can we as women, improve for the next generation? And not do the same thing to our children.

I respect my DC, and they respect me. I have never used the "I gave brith to you" crap, although my ex, their dad, did. I brought them up to respect others, while being able to set their own boundaries. If we have a dispute, we talk and resolve it without resorting to yelling. I do not own my DC, they are their own people.

And there are plenty of mothers like me. It's just that people are posting here when there is a problem, so it seems disproportional to the numbers of reasonable v unreasonable mothers in RL.

Hi many thanks for all the kind messages and helpful advice
As it happens today my husband was home doing some jobs and she called , apparently they had words , he was very tired and grumpy after busy week
She went away 😊😊😊

That's a start!
You really need to move further away from her though

I feel very lucky that my mil always expects people to go and see her.Suits me!

Wow!
So on the rare occasion it impacts on him she gets told, however she can disrupt you 5 times a day every day and you get told?
I'm glad she left Rosie, but next time she tips up and he's not there, tell her yourself.

I am applauding that drizzle.
Well bloody noted and said.

So if she annoys your husband then he will chase her. But if she annoys you he won't say anything because you are driving his Mother away. Lovely.

Black bear that was what I was going to say. I thought what would MIL do, because she's the loveliest person I know. The firs t thing she'd say is sit down and relax ,what needs doing and she'd do it.

So he's happy to send her away when he's tired and grumpy but thinks it's okay for you to suffer when he's not home.

So he's happy to send her away when he's tired and grumpy but thinks it's okay for you to suffer when he's not home.

THIS

@TheTeenageYears

So he's happy to send her away when he's tired and grumpy but thinks it's okay for you to suffer when he's not home.

This too

Yes I intend to
She can be getting used to it

Many years ago, I remember my XH's 2 maiden aunties coming round to our house unannounced & just letting themselves in by the back door !! One day, we were in an intimate afternoon session & I heard a familiar voice downstairs, " . .hello, is anyone at home?"
Oh, CRINGE !! I was too embarassed to go downstairs, as it would have looked too obvious what we were doing, (in our own home!!) so I sent my XH down to chat to her for a couple of hours !! While I just sat on the edge of the bed sniggering quietly. Surreal ! But seriously, do these people have no concept of privacy?

Your MIL sounds just like mine. Luckily for me, she lives 1200 miles away. It's the cultural thing with my IL. When my IL were visiting UK, they stayed with their DD, but used to turn unannounced every single day, even I do not speak their language and their son was at work. I survived those loooooong few weeks, but now wouldn't put up with this.
P.s., just had an argument with my DH about it, when he asked what I was writing here :(
I think you need to tell your MIL that you need your own space in your own home and you need her to call beforehand if she wants to visit. Also, ask if she can look after your Dcs at her home- it might be she is just very lonely.
I truly feel for you. It is very very hard

I cannot understand why she (or anyone) does it. It is so weird.

@goose1964

Black bear that was what I was going to say. I thought what would MIL do, because she's the loveliest person I know. The firs t thing she'd say is sit down and relax ,what needs doing and she'd do it.

That's exactly what my mum would do. Unfortunately my MIL would never even offer to put the kettle on. I took the chickens way out of dealing with overbearing visits in the early days. But later I took to asking her to do stuff.

As it happens today my husband was home doing some jobs and she called , apparently they had words , he was very tired and grumpy after busy week. All this says is he thinks you aren’t worth anything. You’re supposed to be someone that matters to him.

That level of lack of self awareness to not realise that calling on your daughter-in-law (or anyone for that matter) numerous times a day despite being asked not to is incredible.. I hope to god I am never lonely or senile enough to be that kind of mother in law. My Inlaws live in another country 18 hours flight away.. yay for that. lol

The need to dominate and get what they want is all consuming and blocks out everything else, I think that's what is going on with these types, they just don't see other people at all everything is always about them

She lives almost next door and sees it as an extended household, she's almost 'live-in'.

With two small children, you've got no privacy anyway. You might even consider her an asset! But if you want to draw territorial lines, you're just going to have to speak firmly to her. And she'll be upset.

How are things @Rosiebelle17 ?

My MIL was like this when my kids were small. I was working in a stressful job that involved travelling and took a day off to recover. I was asleep on the sofa with my 7 month old and she was just stood in the middle of the lounge. I asked her not to wake the baby, but she did and then complained to my husband that I was sleeping in the day time. I had been away overseas on business the week before. A few years later I started working from home sometimes and I locked the door. She would come and stand at the window to talk to me. She had a key to our house and lives across the road so knows when we are at home. I can’t remember what happened in the end, I just kept sending her away and explained that I was working when I was at home. Things did get a bit easier and now she doesn’t really go out.