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Original poster

Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

410 replies

Rosiebelle17 · 03/07/2020 23:27

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/07/2020 15:50

And the same is true for the OP. If you were to move away and not give your MIL your address, there would be absolutely nothing she could do about it.

But her husband would definitely tell her the new address, no doubt whatsoever. Even if she divorced him and moved away herself with the children, as their father, he would know where they lived with their mother.

If MIL is determined/controlling/lonely/unhinged enough, as she's been demonstrating so far, there's no guarantee that, on finding the new address, she wouldn't just sell up and move to a house very close herself.

KarmaKamel · 04/07/2020 15:53

I’m going to be honest. Posts like this give me the rage. Grow a backbone and tell her fgs! If that means falling out then so be it. Falling out is more peaceful sometimes. You can’t live your life this way.

draughtycatflap · 04/07/2020 15:53

Have you thought about dressing up as Freddie Kreuger and jumping out at her when she knocks at the door?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/07/2020 16:15

Falling out is more peaceful sometimes. You can’t live your life this way.

I agree, but it sounds like the only way that would be certain to happen is if they divorced. Even then, she could still persist and say "Don't think you can keep me away from seeing my grandchildren".

If it did ever go as far as divorce, OP would be thoroughly made out to be the bad guy and the one to wreck their children's home life. if your husband once punches or rapes you, or has a one-time affair, no reasonable person would blame you for divorcing him.

However, it's another matter entirely when it comes to behaviours that are perfectly acceptable - pleasant, indeed - on a normal frequency (and when wanted by both parties), but it's often difficult to communicate to others when normal behaviour becomes stifling and controlling, and you can often end up doubting yourself.

"Are you really saying you want to divorce him just because his mum wants to treat you like her own daughter and to spend time with her grandchildren?!"

"Hmm, I don't know - am I? Is that pathetic of me? Am I the controlling one after all?!"

Snog · 04/07/2020 16:48

OP you need to tell her what you want and to stick firmly to your guns.

Eg MIL I don't want you to visit multiple times a day as this is not convenient.
you are now warmly invited to ours on wed and sun afternoons from 2-5pm. At other times you are not invited and please do not come around As I will not let you in. Do not bang on the windows as this is very rude.

If she comes round anyway tell her your position again and do not let her in. If she is angry about it then let her be angry but don't back down. If she can't accept this I would tell her that she is only to see the children once a month under supervision as she clearly has no respect for you as their mother.

pictish · 04/07/2020 17:09

“ If she can't accept this I would tell her that she is only to see the children once a month under supervision as she clearly has no respect for you as their mother.”

What tosh. Of course she can’t announce that. Her husband, the children’s father and the mil’s, might want a bit of input on that one. Whatever the rights and wrongs here, OP is not actually the boss.

pictish · 04/07/2020 17:10

mil’s son*

Will this place ever put in an edit facility?

pictish · 04/07/2020 17:13

This one of those threads that invites outlandish advice that none of the posters offering it, would dream of following themselves.

InDreamland · 04/07/2020 18:06

It sounds like your MIL is unwell and needs some therapy/treatment as that behaviour is not normal/acceptable. If she is well then you should have no hesitation in telling her to f**k off and screw what your DH says or thinks as sounds like he's part of the problem. The behaviour you describe could be considered harassment.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/07/2020 18:15

OP are you okay ? Flowers

pictish · 04/07/2020 18:18

It’s totally normal in some households...plenty of people have their parents neighbouring and are happy for them to come and go as they want. It’s really not that unusual. The difference is that the arrangement suits those families and let’s be honest here, it’s usually the wife’s family isn’t it? Don’t think it generally indicates mental health issues or a need for therapy.

In this case the over familiarity is misplaced onto the dil who is not happy and for whom the arrangement does not suit. That’s the problem.

BackforGood · 04/07/2020 19:09

Most mothers do not respect their adult children.

What utter rubbish.
Don't understand why so many posters seem to take their own situation and just assume everyone else is like that.

pictish · 04/07/2020 19:17

God I know. I red that and thought, pfffft what nonsense.

pictish · 04/07/2020 19:17

*read

Woofer18 · 04/07/2020 19:36

@BackforGood I am not talked about my own situation.

I am talking about everyone I know's situation. I have a large group of friends, we are all in our thirties. They are all being harrassed by their mothers. Their mothers will not accept boundaries.

Women definitely need to learn, grow and evolve in this area. Many women do tend to think that they completely own their children , and are entitled to call, visit, text whenever they want.

pictish · 04/07/2020 19:37

Everyone you know? Everyone?

Woofer18 · 04/07/2020 19:38

@pictish how is it nonsense. Nonsense would mean not true.

When there are THOUSANDS of stories on mumsnet complaining that mothers and mils are ruining people's lives.

So what you have said, is in fact, nonsense

Woofer18 · 04/07/2020 19:40

@pictish I have one male friend who gets along with his mother. He is the inly one out of 15-20 close friends, a lot of acquaintances and my colleagues.

My colleague said to me in work once with tears in her eyes, "I was having a good day until my mother called me"

pictish · 04/07/2020 19:40

Pow!

But those not experiencing it don’t post about it do they?
My mum wasn’t overbearing, my mil isn’t overbearing, none of my friends complain about their mothers being overbearing...
Seems most folks are managing their boundaries fine.

pictish · 04/07/2020 19:42

And to be fair...we only get one side of the story too so how true it all is is anyone’s guess. I’d say that whether it’s a mil or actually a dil problem on here is 50/50.
You get some beasts of dils too.

Woofer18 · 04/07/2020 19:42

@pictish how is it most people? You see all the stories on here about people suffering, including this one

Woofer18 · 04/07/2020 19:44

@pictish i hope you know how lucky you are, to have had a good mother.

2bazookas · 04/07/2020 20:07

Just tell her.

" Dear MIL last week you visited 36 times and made 22 phone calls. This feels completely overwhelming at my end so please give us a bit more space and privacy.

It would be lovely to see you a couple of times a week, maybe we can fix a regular date for coffee on Tuesdays"

Mary46 · 04/07/2020 20:18

Awful Rosie. She wont take hint you may have be blunt. It must throw the kids routines too.

Mary46 · 04/07/2020 20:20

Maybe u lucky pictish. My mother is bloody hard work. My mil is a dream so its not always easy.