Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

A lot of ugly defensiveness on this thread... obviously it's touched a nerve with certain posters.

Look, let your kids juggle with knives or bungee jump when they're 2, (ok, slight exaggeration for effect, but you know), but don't try to defend your choices by attacking people who are maybe more cautious than you are.

Obviously, nobody should be attacking anyone for choosing to let their kids camp out either btw.

PS: I went camping all the damn time as a kid and I'm still a big, fat hater of camping, so be warned! If you genuinely fear hour kids being fat and not liking camping, as much as others fear murderers then, be waaaaaarned. Your kids could still get fat and still hate camping when they're older. I know, right? It's like a horror story 😂😂😂.

Look, let your kids juggle with knives or bungee jump when they're 2, (ok, slight exaggeration for effect, but you know), but don't try to defend your choices by attacking people who are maybe more cautious than you are

I think it's more to do with the general parenting approach - and the degree of risk taking which children need to develop vs an over cautious approach towards parenting in terms of very low risks but with obviously horrific outcomes.

The camping is a metaphor for parenting styles.

It does seem to be that some parents are very risk averse even when it comes to what is something that is to others a very very safe activity.

And some parents are at the other end of being completely laissez faire in their approach.

I really don't know tbh. I'd never heard of the Sophie Hook case but having read it now, it was truly horrific. I'd imagine though that it's easier to snatch a 7yo than a 10 or 11yo. But then before I read about Sophie Hook I'd have assumed that a group of children sleeping together would be very safe indeed. I take quite a pragmatic approach to risk, but I think the sexual assaults in the area would make my mind up op.

When I was little, my sister and I used to camp in the garden regularly, alone. Looking back on it, it's so scary! Garden was easily accessible. I sleep in the tent with my girls and their friends (whose parents I know very well). I'm not sure at what age I'd be happy with them being out alone. I think I'd get a small tent and camp next to them. I remember a story years ago where a young girl was murdered when camping in her garden and, although the chances of that happening are small, I've never got it out of my mind.

There is a happy medium. Just because people don't allow their children to camp out overnight doesn't mean that they are unnecessarily uptight in other areas. Or alternatively that just because I wouldn't sleep in a house without locked doors, or allow my child to sleep in the garden,that I think people who allow their children to do so don't give a shit about their safety. There are very few definite rights or wrongs when it comes to raising a child.

There is a happy medium

It's interesting where people draw their line - and I wonder how that translates into other parts of their life.

Personally I am very laid back about stuff. DS (15) isn't however that laid back and is unadventurous - which is a bit annoying but I have to go at his pace, despite my attempts to get him to do more a bit more adventurous...

He probably finds your need for adventure to be equally annoying. Your attitude is no more or less correct than his. It's just what works for you.

@chomalungma

There is a happy medium

It's interesting where people draw their line - and I wonder how that translates into other parts of their life.

Personally I am very laid back about stuff. DS (15) isn't however that laid back and is unadventurous - which is a bit annoying but I have to go at his pace, despite my attempts to get him to do more a bit more adventurous...

It's funny how parents and children can be different like this, but, as a pp said, there is no right or wrong way to be and I'm sure you would never push your ways on to him. Life's rich tapestry and all that!

I think, for me, while they are still children, anything which is risky and which I don't see much real benefit in is an easy no. If dcs are desperate to camp out in the future, I'll go with them. If they aren't, then meh, I don't see this as anything too terrible. I don't think there are as many benefits, specifically from camping out unsupervised, that dcs can't gain elsewhere, if they aren't keen on camping.

If it's about them gaining independence, I can think of other ways for them to do this, which do not involve staying overnight in a tent on their own.

So, thinking about it, I'm fairly relaxed myself... I fear not the terrors of what will happen if then are not able to do this very specific thing on their own. But you know, providing secure shelter for your offspring is fairly basic as a parenting instinct. I don't think it's wildly unreasonable not to fancy the prospect of packing them off to a tent for the night, in an area where there have been reports of sexual predators hanging around.

Ladyprigsbottom, you're the one who introduced the subject of being over weight, I merely talked about kids eating junk food, didn't mention their weight

@Macncheeseballs

Ladyprigsbottom, you're the one who introduced the subject of being over weight, I merely talked about kids eating junk food, didn't mention their weight

But what relevance does junk food have to not sleeping in a tent? That was my point.

I made a silly, lighthearted comment instead of saying this and I do hope you took it in the spirit which it was intended.

But when you seriously then went on to maintain your position that children sleeping in a tent is a valid method of combatting "the obesity crisis we have on our hands". Which I think is stretching it a bit... putting it mildly.

Oh and "junk food", "obesity crisis" and "sedentary" were all your words. None of which would spring to my mind immediately, when discussing whether kids should be allowed to sleep out, unsupervised, in an area where people have been sexually assaulted by strangers recently.

Sophie Hook was killed by the local weirdo. He's been hanging around in the woods flashing people since I was at primary school. He regularly skulked about the footpath beside our netballs pitches at high school. He was not right and everybody, including the local police knew it. He was living with his father and his meds weren't right when that poor little girl was snatched from her tent....but that's all it takes.

I don't know what age my kids are going to be before I'm comfortable with them camping alone, but it's going to need to be at least 14.

If there is any hint of dodgy individuals locally, I would say just don't even give them the opportunity.

Parent in tent right between the kids, at the very least. There are plenty of other ways to bring independence, excitement & activity into kids lives beside sleeping unsupervised.

Mine spend most of the summer in the garden. I didn’t realise that it was unusual.

Ladyprigsbottom, I mentioned obesity crisis in response to you saying that not camping made you fat! I dont care whether people camp or not, but Camping is part of an outdoorsy lifestyle which is better for kids than hours on screens. I can't see why that is such a controversial statement. And certainly not 'gaslighting'.

@Macncheeseballs

Ladyprigsbottom, I mentioned obesity crisis in response to you saying that not camping made you fat! I dont care whether people camp or not, but Camping is part of an outdoorsy lifestyle which is better for kids than hours on screens. I can't see why that is such a controversial statement. And certainly not 'gaslighting'.

That isn't what you said though. If you'd said "outdoorsy lifestyle", I would have agreed with you.

The problem with this scenario is not with them enjoying an outdoorsy lifestyle. It is to do with lack of supervision. Many people manage to enjoy an outdoorsy lifestyle without leaving their children overnight in a tent with the adults in the house, ESPECIALLY in an area where sexual assaults by strangers have been recently reported.

I think you did attempt to gaslight me, by deliberately misinterpreting my clearly lighthearted post and going on to argue something which no sensible person would. You are also still trying to create a narrative where What You Do is wholesome, healthy and outdoorsy. Anyone Else is unwholesome and unhealthy, surviving off KFC and fortnight. Perhaps not gaslighting, but certainly disingenuous, unpleasant and manipulative. Not pretty.

'Scuse enormous derail btw. BS comments like that really grind my gears . Horrible way to make an argument. Forgot how common it was on AIBU.

I've said my piece and even some, but YANBU op, if you're still reading. I'd definitely go with my gut on this sort of thing and the creepy fuckers in the area would make it a definite no from me.

And THEN some*

We are planning a camp out in the garden but I will be in the tent with them

Mine camped out in the garden from the age of ten but always had the dogs out there with them.
Having read the Sophie Hook case I have no idea how anyone could lift a child from between two other sleeping children in a tent.
I would say that the risk is small. A ten year old isn't lifted as easily as a seven year old. Social distancing would add to the risk though I'm guessing that the two families would share two tents so nobody would be sleeping alone?

Well, we don’t know I don’t know quite what you’re suggesting there ifeel, but I don’t like it.

My have for years. Think they were 5 or 6 the first time. With friends. In fact I think I remember a 12th birthday when we has 23 in the garden in 4 tents. No one got any sleep of course but fantastic fun. This is EXACTLY what kids should be doing. A great way to get them do develop their imaginations. ..and of course getting them away from bloody screens.

Then again I did this as a child.. so I guess it's what you know makes you more comfortable. For me it was always magical listening to all the giggling and winding each other up about 'noises' from our open window. Not to mention the GLORIOUS peace in the house, whilst knowing they were happy.

My have for years. Think they were 5 or 6 the first time. With friends. In fact I think I remember a 12th birthday when we has 23 in the garden in 4 tents. No one got any sleep of course but fantastic fun. This is EXACTLY what kids should be doing. A great way to get them do develop their imaginations. ..and of course getting them away from bloody screens.

Then again I did this as a child.. so I guess it's what you know makes you more comfortable. For me it was always magical listening to all the giggling and winding each other up about 'noises' from our open window. Not to mention the GLORIOUS peace in the house, whilst knowing they were happy.

My have for years. Think they were 5 or 6 the first time. With friends. In fact I think I remember a 12th birthday when we has 23 in the garden in 4 tents. No one got any sleep of course but fantastic fun. This is EXACTLY what kids should be doing. A great way to get them do develop their imaginations. ..and of course getting them away from bloody screens.

Then again I did this as a child.. so I guess it's what you know makes you more comfortable. For me it was always magical listening to all the giggling and winding each other up about 'noises' from our open window. Not to mention the GLORIOUS peace in the house, whilst knowing they were happy.

Sorry ! Kept saying failed to post !

If it's about them gaining independence, I can think of other ways for them to do this, which do not involve staying overnight in a tent on their own.

But if camping in the back garden is too risky, it becomes difficult to imagine what isn't. Being abducted going to a shop is something parents often worry about in a similar way, playing alone at a local park.